Thunder of Wade

Went to a cool Halloween party last night. The hosts had some great food and we listened to spooky music and watched scary movies while we hung out. I re-used my costume from last year since Slenderman wasn’t party friendly – and I won a prize! Super cool.

We tried a Ouija board, but couldn’t get it to work and then posed for a group photo. There were spooky stories and clever costumes – it was a great way to spend Halloween night.

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I’ve been reading a couple of good books – “Furiously Happy” by Jenny Lawson and “Machine Man” by Max Barry. Jenny Lawson tells about her mental illness and the furiously happy ways she tries to deal with it and live with it. The main character in Machine Man has a different set of emotional problems – but though both books are radically different, they both look at social anxiety. I do okay in social circumstances and I’m not really anxious about them anymore, but I never quite feel natural.

Whatever that means.

I know what to say, how to say it, and usually when to say it – but it takes some effort and thought. And there’s the little nagging fear that I’m going to say something odd or inappropriate.

Which is a very real concern. I mean, have you seen the inside of my head? It’s all odd or inappropriate or just downright weird.

I marvel at some of my friends that so easily interact with people. They don’t seem to ever have strangers – striking up conversations fluidly and making friends with no more effort, it seems, than me folding a paper crane.

Or maybe it just looks easy. Maybe it’s just a matter of practice. It’s worth the effort, though, and I am getting better.

Case in point: I ran into a former co-worker at the grocery store. We had a nice chat standing in the aisle and got caught up a bit. When we were done and I started to walk away, I saw Jim running his own errands. So, I introduced them and they shared a friendly hello. So, casual conversations and an introduction? Bonus points! I may have just Leveled Up.

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I got some spam on my blog today day that – in addition to trying to get me to click a link for a handbag – also suggested that my theme was boring and I could do better.

Now, I know I could have any theme and it would have said the same thing – it’s just pseudo-conversation to fool the filters – but it was still rude. I like my extra blank theme and an uncluttered website is frankly a little refreshing.

It wasn’t the only insult of the day though. The Ladies from New York called me up on their cell phone and asked if I would come over and help install their new home phone. When I got there, the Elder said,

“You got fat!”

Now, that’s bullshit – clearly. I would like to be a little more solid in the midsection, but I’m not fat or even heavy.

Knowing that neither of them have any real filters, I shrugged it off, did a little flex, and said that I preferred “solid”.

I sat down and the Younger indicated my midsection and commented on my belly again. This went on for a bit – in what I’m hoping was a good-natured manner – but I started to tire of it.

“Now,” I said, gently chiding them, “You know I’m here to help you out,”

They laughed and I got to work on setting up the phone. I had the new phone plugged in and in place in 10 minutes and programmed in another 2 – would have taken then hours or days, I’m guessing.

I declined the soda and we chatted for a bit before I headed out.

I guess no matter how big your ego gets, trust two little old ladies from New York to take you down a peg.

I have been told, in a mild jest, that I eat like a toddler. I submit my last two days of meals as a reference.

Breakfast: Poptarts and a lemon fiber bar
Lunch: Salad – heavy on the greens and beans
Dinner: Chef-boy-r-dee ravioli with extra pasta and microwavable meatballs. (50 seconds!)

Breakfast: Poptarts and a chocolate fiber bar
Lunch: Salad, again
Dinner: Well, the meatballs last night were good so I had those again, along with some broccoli. And then a family sized helping of unbuttered popcorn.

Oh, and last night I wanted a snack and found a package of fruit snacks in the cupboard. Sweet! Didn’t know I had those. 1/4 way in – hey, these might be stale. 1/2 way in – Hmmm… expired in 2014. Eh, I finished them.

It’s a wonder I haven’t accidentally killed myself.

Is that the meal plan of a toddler? I don’t really think so, but it is oddly specific while also being seriously random. I think I get points for the Chef and Poptarts – but lose ground with the fiber bar and salad. Hmmm… I did have essentially the same thing for two days in a row…

Eh.

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The minty green plastic speaker skull finally gave up in the middle of a song and I recharged it last night. This evening I was listening to it again and carried it upstairs with me – along with a armful of stuff – in the dark.

I went to set things down in my bedroom to then turn on the light and realized the skull was glowing.

Now, it’s not glow-in-the dark, but the skull is slightly translucent and the power LED is very bright green. The combination – along with a dark room – was seriously creepy.

I think I may have to revisit the eldrich power source theory.
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I was busy at lunch time yesterday and instead hit the pool after work. I felt pretty good, kinda held my own against the college aged swimmers (not really), and did 3/4 of a mile. Could have gone further, but I got hungry.

Not too shabby.

Jim and I took a trip to Half-Priced books today. It’s about 1/2 an hour away and we usually try to check out some other fun shops when we go.

One of those was Pottery Barn. Not really my cup of tea, but interesting in its own way. I was wandering around in there when I came across a ceramic bare foot on a tray. That was it – just a foot. The toes were a little longer than my own – and mine are kinda long – and it was done in kind of a gray glaze. Odd.

I called Jim over and asked,

“What would a house have to look like there were would be ‘perfect spot’ for something like this?”

He didn’t even have to think about it and didn’t bat an eye.

“Yours,” he replied.

I started bristle, but then acknowledged that I do have an entire shelf of skulls. And a bowl of brains at work.

It’s valid.

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We also stopped over at Crate and Barrel. It’s kind of amazing the attention to detail and how precisely positioned and arranged everything is. Very stylized and generally out of my price range. Also, no actual crates or barrels to be found.

I needed to use the rest room and while the restroom was as decorated (or over-decorated) as the rest of the store, the prior user hadn’t flushed the urinal.

So, it smelled like a gas station restroom.

Which was unfortunate. I’m pretty sure it spoiled the affect they were going for – and I’m guessing they were regretting not springing for the auto-flush. For the record, I did flush when I was done. And washed my hands. I guess it was notable that, no matter how much you dress things up, you can’t escape the human element.

Or, apparently, the human odor.

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Finally, I finished up the costume this weekend. The detail work had been done for a while, but I had some mechanical challenges to wrap up. Those were surmounted and this evening I had a dress rehearsal and showed my neighbor – since I needed to actually try and walk around and he could see into the backyard.

He was impressed and I was more mobile than I anticipated. As with previous years I may have some trouble with stairs, but I’m working on my route around campus and should be okay.

Looking forward to the day off and a day of creeping people out.

Last weekend, I bought a skull. It’s a speaker for an MP3 player or phone – made of plastic with a USB port for charging.

And it’s Mint Green. Like, it should glow in the dark but, sadly, doesn’t.

I charged it up and plugged in my MP3 player. Figured I’d get a couple hours out of it. Instead, it lasted over 4 hours. Then, several more hours over the course of the week. My player lost it’s charge and my phone couldn’t keep up. It’s still going as I write this – and I’m beginning to suspect this minty plastic skull may have some kind of eldrich power source. I’m afraid to open it up lest I unleash some vengeful spirit.

Or maybe not vengeful. You never know with these things – it might like my music. Just in case, I started off with a little Metallica and then moved on to Brittney Spears.

Gotta cover all the bases.

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On Monday, the webteam had a rough day. A database upgrade went… not great, and some critical programs broke. My swimming buddy was up to his eyeballs in code and wouldn’t be able to go with me to the pool – as is our usual habit on Mondays at lunch time.

I had stopped at Sheetz that morning to get a sub since the lines for lunch on campus are insane. So, I had a full sub, two packages of ho-ho’s, and a big bag of chips.

Now, I can eat a lot of food, but I don’t have to. So, I split up my lunch so he could have half and I ate the rest. That way, he could keep going and not be interrupted.

It was a couple of percentage points shy of quite enough to eat for me and I got a little headache by the end of the day – but it was worth it to help out even if I’m not a programmer.

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Also this week, I went to the nursing clinic on campus and got a flu shot. The email suggested that we wear a short-sleeved shirt and have our insurance card ready.

Before heading over, I took off my long-sleeved work shirt – I had on a t-shirt under it – and put my insurance card in my jacket pocket.

I went to the clinic, checked in and filled out some paperwork. I turned this in, handed over my card to get it copied, and was ready to go.

The nurse took me back to the exam room and I took off my jacket. She noted my t-shirt and my work shirt tied around my waist.

“Look at you! Ready to go,” she said and I replied,

“Well, I can follow instructions,”

She was a little taken aback and shook her head.

“Not many people do,” she mused wistfully.

I rolled up my t-shirt sleeve and she used a spray to numb the area. I got the shot, got a band-aid, took a survey, and got a sticker – and then I was on my way. 12 minutes total time.

I don’t always get a flu shot, but considering my insurance covered it and it was literally next door to work I didn’t really have any excuse.

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Finally, I got diverted again this morning for even more road construction. It is getting tricky to get anywhere with all the projects going on.

I got so frustrated I couldn’t even swear properly – and I’m damn good at swearing. I mean, I can throw in a little Klingon and Sumerian (those guys know how to party) and mix up a combo to take the paint off a wall.  The combination this time was still insulting, I think, but also didn’t make a lot of sense out of a very narrow context.

I’m not going to repeat it here – you’ll have to ask me, preferably in person. But it was dumb enough and silly enough that I couldn’t even stay mad.

Hmmm… maybe I should try that instead of growling at people that tick me off.  Hey, it worked for Princess Leia.

Scruffy looking nerf herder.
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A few years ago, one of my colleagues from a committee at work suggested that we participate in Operation Evergreen – a project by Ohio Christmas Tree Farmers to donate and ship trees to military personnel overseas. Along with donations, they also collect ornaments and send those along.

Being a crafty guy, I jumped on board and took over the project when they left the group.

This year, we had a couple of sessions to make ornaments – one with staff members and the other with students as part of Make A Difference Day. The MADD project was part of their volunteer activities and they put together hundreds of pre-made kits for our operation.

I’ve posted pictures on our committee blog. You can guess which ones I made. 🙂

Part 1      Part 2

I’ve never served in the military, but I have family that have or are serving. It’s a little thing, but maybe some holiday cheer will help those troops feel a little closer to home.

I started this blog years ago as a journal – to help me remember things and tell stories, even if only to myself. I decided to share these with a larger audience and folks seem to enjoy some of the posts. This one, however, is going to be melancholy and long – no way around it. I think I need to write it, though, so here it goes.

This one starts years ago, when Jeff and I were together and sharing an apartment. It wasn’t a perfect relationship, but it was good and we were happy. And we took care of each other. There was nothing “official” about the relationship, but it mattered to us and that was enough.

He lost his job suddenly and things went into a tailspin. Not in stellar health to begin with, the thought of him not having health insurance was scary for us both.

To my surprise – despite living in a state so Red it might as well be North Texas – my employer offered insurance benefits to domestic partners. Since, again, nothing official – it was a matter of declaring domestic partnership and adding him to my coverage.

So, I filled out the paperwork, we both signed it and with some trepidation I turned it in. Being “out” at work – even just for HR as far as that went – wasn’t something I did without a lot of thought. The polices might be liberal, but the administration was still conservative.

But, my friends and close colleagues knew already and in any case it was the right thing to do.

I helped him with his resume and his job search and cheered him on at every step of the way. But, that elusive job didn’t come and the stresses started to chip away at us.

It reached a point where we were both miserable with each other and when he got a job offer out of state, I decided to end the relationship and not go with him.

I started looking for a house, but still stayed in the apartment and took care of him when he got sick – and continued the insurance.

But, when the open enrollment period came around again, it was time to make some changes. The relationship was done, I was moving out and to continue would have constituted insurance fraud. So, more paperwork and the domestic partnership was dissolved and he was dropped from my insurance.

It was the right decision – just as adding him was the right decision – but it terrible none the less. I had a lot of those “right and terrible” decisions as that relationship ended…

I was moved out and had started to move on when we lost Jeff. The “right” decisions were cold comfort – I could not have saved him, but perhaps I could have made his last days less miserable.

There was the funeral and the clearing out of his apartment – and more paperwork.

Somewhere in there I had logged into the HR system to check something else and had seen that my profile was still listing that I was in a domestic partnership – even though I had submitted this change and he was no longer on my insurance.

I tried to change it there, but the change wouldn’t stick. And the thought of another trip to HR stirred me up far too much – I just couldn’t do it.

Every time I’m been in the system since then I’ve tried to update it – but nothing I tried would work and I logged out each time feeling terrible.

I had the luxury of time, though, since it was just a line on a computer screen as far as everyone but me was concerned.

Last week, though, I realized I needed to finally do something about it. I’m in a new relationship and while there’s nothing official – there’s an opportunity now with the new laws to make it official.

I needed to get this resolved before it became a problem for Jim and I going forward.

I couldn’t find any forms to resubmit and the online still wasn’t working and so I pulled Jeff’s death certificate from the file and went over to HR on my lunch hour. I didn’t know what I would need, but if it was definitive and final they wanted – I could oblige them.

I checked in at the desk, told them I needed to make a status update to my profile and couldn’t do so online. One of HR folks took me back to her office and I explained that I needed to update my record from domestic partnership to single.

She typed for a bit, clicked on some links, and finally reported that it was only showing in one area that didn’t really impact my status – just the way it was displayed. She updated it and – with one last click – finished the change.

She told me it would go into effect overnight and that was it. I left her office, left the HR department, and went outside.

And I found a quiet place and sat for a few moments to settle myself.

It was just one last click that ultimately didn’t change anything – except, perhaps, for me.

I went back to work and when I got home I filed the death certificate again with a certain amount of relief. It’s a terrible document and it breaks my heart every time I see it.

I’ve said goodbye to Jeff many times and I still think of him – trying to focus on the good times. There are still some memories too troubling to revisit yet, but I think getting that status updated has done me some good.

One last click. Another right decision. Less terrible this time but, just… so sad.

The sun is shining on this cold fall day and I think this is as good a place as any to end this story. There’s a sense of relief and maybe a sense of hope as well.

Saturday was a bright and sunny October day – so, where was I? In the basement, happily working on my Halloween costume. But, I needed materials to keep going – spray paint, electrical tape, and zip ties.

I took a break and texted one of friends from work who’s been out on leave to see if she might be around for a visit. She was out running errands too and I was just wrapping things up at Home Depot while she was at a nearby craft store. Figuring to cut to the chase, I headed over to the craft store assuming that I could find her there – provided she hadn’t changed her hair color or height.

She was surprised that I found the aisle that she was in and I shrugged and said, “It’s not that big of a store,”

We then went went over to Starbucks for some green tea and really nice conversation outside. So, my beautiful fall day wasn’t all in the basement – though I did head back down when I got home.

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I had a dream Sunday night that I was trapped in a huge library with a bunch of people – and a horde of demons that looked like people. Except, of course, they were trying to kill us.  In terrible ways…

For some reason – dream logic – the high levels of iron in my blood (true) gave me increased durability and strength (not true). It was also toxic to the demons and I spent the rest of the dream – subjectively hours – fighting off waves after wave of demons. Some I just beat in hand-to-hand combat. Others were tossed over the railing to a lower floor to be dealt with later.

I woke up exhausted – but I think I was winning.
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Today, I was outside and decided to mow. I was working on the front yard and had been going for a little while when I got near the street. There was a car coming so I stopped and waited and while I did, I flipped my hand over to pull my glove back to look at my watch.

Now, things started to happen very fast.

I saw something white on the back of my tan gloves.

{Egg case…Spider egg case!}

I knocked it off the back of my glove with my other hand and had just enough time for…

{That came off pretty easily, must not have been there that…}

And that’s when I saw the spider.

{SPIDER! HUGESPIDER! OHSHITSHITSHIT!}

I brushed the huge spider off my glove as well, then tore off both gloves and frantically brushed my arms down as well – in case there was more than one.

I looked down and saw the huGE FREAKING SPider scurry off, Then picked up my gloves.

{If that was on the outside, what’s on the inside!?!?}

I tried to peer into the darkness of the gloves, then shrugged and mentally psyched myself up and put the gloves back on – and got back to mowing.

I don’t know what the driver of the car thought.  They didn’t stop so my freak out was either not serious enough looking to warrant stopped – or so insane that it was safer to just drive on.

My gloves are, incidentally, no longer stored in the garage.

I worked late today and then got my hair cut after work. It was around dinner time by the time I was done with the rest of my errands and I decided to stop by Wendy’s for a quick meal.

I ordered my usual: Single combo, lettuce only, no cheese (you have to say ‘no cheese’ or you get cheese – it’s the default). Medium size. Chicken nuggets, regular, with BBQ sauce.

I paid for my meal and stepped to the side and back away from the counter to wait. The group after me ordered a few things – including chicken nuggets and fries.

The clerk set a tray out in front of me and put an order of chicken nuggets and fries on the tray. The woman in the group stepped in front of me, picked up a nugget to eat, then set it down and said,

“I hope those were mine,”

She then turned and saw me. I cocked my head to one side and raised an eyebrow.

She, and the rest of the people with her, were Mortified.

For my part, I’m not a germaphobe. As long as she didn’t sneeze directly on her hand right before she picked up the chicken nugget I would have been fine with it. Honest mistake, not a big deal, I’m not going to die.

She apologized and was a little flummoxed. I shrugged and suggested we just swap out the nuggets when the next batch comes out.  Whatever.

When the clerk came back over she tried to explain what happened and used this phrase:

“I grabbed this guy’s nuggets,”

No, my dear, you did not – I thought. I would have noticed that.

And thinking such, I almost burst out laughing.

The clerk – who had clearly been working a long shift already – shrugged when the woman moved the nuggets to her tray and then brought me a fresh batch, along with my burger.

The group apologized again and I said it was no problem and went to eat my food.

Odd encounter, to say the least.  Oh, well, at least I got a good story out of it.  Actually, I guess she did too – if she’ll admit to it.

I found out today that 2 more people from the computer center are leaving. That’s three in as many weeks, I think. Both are hard-working, bright, and engaged in the success of the division and the University. The best kind of co-workers – and friends.

We’re shocked – but not surprised. Happy for them – and sad because they are leaving.

It wasn’t that long ago that I looked at the whole division as unstoppable. Impossible task? Check. Unreasonable deadline? Check. Brilliant solutions and hard work? Check and check.

Now? I’m not so sure. Those that remain after the devastating cuts and the voluntary exits have an uncertain future. How will we get everything done just to keep the lights on – much less innovate and more forward? I don’t know.

Our group is moving to a new division and while I will miss my friends and co-workers, I think it’s a good move for us.

So, I’m feeling a little down tonight.

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The only really enjoyable thing about the long drive back from Hilton Head – besides the company – was watching the time readout on the GPS compress.

The GPS estimated our arrival time based on the speed limits in the areas where we traveled. By exceeding that limit – shhhh – by just a little bit, we rewound the arrival time.

Not by much, mind you. We weren’t going that fast. And we would “lose ground” when we stopped for food. Still, it was a little empowering to make time and space bend to my whim on a macro scale. You usually don’t get that unless you approach the speed of light.

And we weren’t going that fast.

Of course, the reverse also holds true. If you go slower than the speed limit, time gets added onto the arrival. We had this once driving back to Akron in a snowstorm last winter. For a while, it looked like we might never get home. It was like some kind of freaking Tau Zero or something.   (Look it up, I’m not going to do everything for you)
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Finally, one of my video game characters died. It was in Hardcore mode and while she was a bad-ass, we got in over our heads. The voodoo priestess and I had some pretty great adventures and logged a lot of hours together, but in the end the Angel of Death was too much for her in Torment level 4. She, and her amazing gear, are gone to the Unformed Lands.

Eheria, you were great and you will be missed.