My afternoon sucked. Worked my brain off to get a project done and I was the only one left in the office so I couldn’t even vent about how annoyed I was that it came down to the wire like it did. Ugh. It was literally a two keystroke problem from years ago that got me to that point and my head will figuratively explode if I don’t let it go. So, here’s me letting it go – and on to a much better story.
I get home a little later than usual and I’ve skipped my swim. So, I’m cranky and annoyed – even more so because I have to switch over my internet provider. The university used to have a deal for discounted internet service with TWC – via payroll deduction. Which was very handy and convenient. And of course had to be stopped. If I don’t get it switched over by the end of the month, I don’t get “the deal” of $29.99 per month for a year. And by “switched over”, it’s just a billing thing. I already have service with TWC, I just need to get billed once a month instead of payroll deduction.
Never one to let “insult to injury” pass me by – even if it’s directed at myself – I call TWC and mentally gird my loins. Which I think means put on my big boy pants.
Now, I’ve got a set of instructions in front of me on how to get to a local sales rep – which is important because only the local folks know about the deal. I’m sorry – “the deal”.
I get past the voice prompts and the “hold commercials” that they were playing and finally talk to a dude. I’m going to call him Skippy – partly because I didn’t write down his name and partly so I’m not tempted to try and track him down and egg his house. (Oh, yeah, I could do it – don’t push me.)
So, Skippy is a local guy and knows what I’m talking about when I mention OBEN (Ohio Broadband Educational [yeah, right] Network). Yea!
And here’s where it starts to get ugly. I mean, it’s a slam dunk for him – there’s no sales pitch needed. If I’m calling about switching over, I’ve already made a commitment to get/continue the service. And, apparently, the shaft.
He tries to get me to sign up for cable TV and is so astonished that I don’t want it that I have to repeat myself. He also wants me to sign up for internet phone. I tell him “that my cell phone is sufficient” . To which Skippy’s response is to offer to transfer me over to Verizon when we’re done to sign up for cell phone service. Apparently, “sufficient” did not make his vocab-list and I have to explain to him that I’m actually calling him from a Verizon cell phone.
And now we’re both getting snippy. He asks me how many computers I have in the house – I tell him a computer and an iPad. He asks what I do on the internet; video games, downloading movies, etc.. I know where this is going – he’s going to try and push for “beyond the standard” package. I explain that I use it for surfing the web and skip the fact that my PS3 is online. He then asks me to verify my information and wants my social security number.
Really? Really.
Finally, he’s rolling on to his closing script and wanting my credit card number to charge me for the first month’s service. And the number is way too high. I interrupt him several times before he finally stops talking and I explain that this is an OBEN switch and that the deal is for $29.99 a month. He tells me that he knows that. I ask what the extra charge is for and he asks ‘what extra charge?” It takes a couple of tries before I can convince him to do math and discover that the number he wants to charge me is not the same as $29.99 and it is, in fact, higher. “Oh, he says,”That’s for the wireless setup”.
“What wireless set up? I already have a wireless router,”
“Well,” he huffs, “you said you had an iPad,”
“Yes, and it works with my wireless router,”
He goes away and comes back with a new number – also not correct and still higher than it should be.
I ask why it is still not the $29.99. He patiently explains to me as though I am an idiot that this is – of course – the modem rental fee.
I explain that I already have a modem and he gets all defensive. “This is the first he has heard about this,” he insists and goes away again. He comes back and now needs the serial number, the model number, and the MAC address of the modem – which was not in my notes. So, I unplug the modem and carefully read him a great honking pile of numbers, which seems to satisfy him for the moment.
Now, it’s time for him to schedule an appointment for the installation and he’s got me down for 8:00am on Freaking SATURDAY morning. I force my way into his script again to interrupt him and finally get him stopped. “Why do I need an installation?” I ask, with desperation in my voice, “It is already working,”
“Well,” he counters, “We have to have a technician make sure,”
For just a moment, just a moment, I consider running through the facts with him in a summary.
OBEN is simply a billing option through TWC. I’ve already had the service for nearly a year with no problems. I use my own router, my own modem, and it already works – and is in fact working while I was talking to him. (I could literally see the data pumping through my re-plugged in modem). He already has all my information because I’m already a customer. There’s no installation needed because it was already done by TWC.
And then I just gave up. Accepted the appointment. Thanked him for his help. Hung up the phone. And wept. I was beaten, bloodied, and bruised. The stupid won today. Not that I’m saying that Skippy was stupid – though I am implying that. No, the Stupid in this case refers to an inflexible process.
So, early on Saturday morning I need to be awake and ready to somehow explain to the technician that everything is still working that he doesn’t even need to get out his ladder. I’m guessing that sometime between now and then, my service will be shut off for no damn reason. That would be almost deliciously ironic. And all I’ll be able to say to that is, ‘Well played, Skippy, well played,”
