Author: anthony Page 33 of 73

I got invited to Jim’s brother’s house for thanksgiving. We got there a little late and pretty much as soon as we walked in the door, his brother was handing me a giant fork and a craving knife – and aiming me at the turkey.

Now, I don’t know if this was some kind of Guest of Honor thing or if I’ve somehow convinced his brother that I know everything, but putting me in charge of carving the turkey is a terrible, terrible idea. My knowledge was limited to about a 30 second video of a professional chef that I watched two days ago. Also, I like my fruits and veggies raw and meats heavily processed. I know, intellectually, that turkey doesn’t start as thinly sliced deli meat, but I’m just not equipped to carve it myself.

At least I didn’t have to kill it.

So, I dug in there and started working over that turkey. To my astonishment, I sort of got the job done. There was turkey to eat along with the rest of the side dishes and no one went away hungry or complained about my ineptitude. Huh.
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After lunch, Jim’s nephew wanted my help in installing mods for Minecraft. These are independently written programs that extend the gameplay of the core game and can do things like add in more textures to the blocks or new gear and weapons. It took a little bit, but I figured out what files we needed and where they needed to go. It worked and he was super excited.

On the one hand, it was pretty cool to figure out how it all worked and get things going – and he was, as I mentioned, super excited. And I mean SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!

On the other… teaching a Minecraft addict how to install mods is a lot like saying to cocaine addict, “Hey, have you considered trying crack?”

He spent much of the rest of the afternoon blowing up villagers with a 5 story tall mecha-suit. His sister and I played card games – my experience with the games was a pretty even match for her ruthlessness.

She’s 10.

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Jim decided that he wanted to go to Home Depot today for Black Friday to get a couple of mirrors for his living room. I figured I would go along since I wanted to pick up a couple of….wait….

Why is so dang cold in here? I’m sorry, but I just realized that my thermostat knows it’s Friday and I should be at work right now. BRB…

…anyway… Right – extension cords.

We figured, “It’s Home Depot – how bad could it be?”

Sigh.

The line waiting to get in was stretched the length of the building. We got there just before 6 and went to the back of the line and waited a few minutes before we were led – like cattle, perhaps – into the welcoming arms of commercialism and home improvement.

There were clerks at the door who provided wildly vague or inaccurate directions to anyone that asked. And despite them, we eventually found the mirrors. Jim picked out two and stayed put while I went after cords. We met up and went through the self check-out with very little delay.

I guess I expected the worst, but it’s a huge store and once people got inside they just kinda spread out. No fist fights over 50% off grills or throw-downs in kitchen tile.

Kinda anti-climactic, actually.

I got stopped at a sobriety checkpoint last night. We were on our way back from picking up Jim’s traditional thanksgiving parade Krispy Kreams and suddenly there were orange barrels everywhere and only one lane was open. I figured it was just more random road work, but Jim pointed out all the police and we realized what was really going on.

I slowed to a stop and waited my turn – then pulled up to one of the officers and rolled down my window.

He greeted us and shown a flashlight into the car. He then said, “I see you’re with the red cross,” (because of my red cross blood donor jacket) and I politely corrected him and said I was just a frequent donor. I could have let it ride, but if he’d quizzed me I was hosed.

He asked for my license and I got that out and handed it to him. A quick look and he handed it back – then said it was clear that neither of had been drinking because couldn’t smell any alcohol in the car.

The officer then sent us on our way and I merged into traffic and drove off.

Now, here are my problems with all of this:

1. What are the odds that someone who has been drinking – at 7 o’clock in the evening – will be driving down that road? There were plenty of opportunities to turn down another street before that checkpoint and their success rate must be terrible.

2. The assumption is that I had been drinking. Why check my car otherwise? If the assumption – innocent until proven guilty here – is that I’m not drinking, then why stop us? Why stop anyone? I wasn’t doing anything wrong other than driving down that particular stretch of road at that time.

3. If I had been drinking, was the flashlight check around my car going to reveal an open container? How screwed up do you have to be to not hide that? Seriously.

4. He didn’t smell alcohol so we were free to go. I might have been high as a freaking kite on all kinds of other crap, but his nose was the key and we “smelled” okay.

In the grand scheme of things, this wasn’t a huge deal and didn’t take a huge amount of time.

But:

1. Was this the best use of the half dozen officers (and the additional crew to set up the barrels and signs) time? If there was anything better and more productive they could have been doing – why weren’t they doing that?

2. What is the success rate of such a checkpoint? It must be astonishingly low.  Was it just for the illusion of safety? (“We’re keeping drunk drivers off the road!”)

3. Is this even freaking legal? There’s no way there’s any kind of probable cause to even stop me and ask for my ID – just for being out driving.

As we drove off, Jim said we should have offered them some doughnuts – though I doubt they would have appreciated the humor in that. As I was writing this I realized I could have done the “These are not the droids you are looking for” hand wave – but they might not have enjoyed the stormtrooper comparison.

So, I’m cranky about this, but in the grand scheme I don’t really have a good reason, I guess.

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I watched about 7 minutes of the Macy’s parade this morning. Right up until a cloyingly earnest child actress gushed about playing such “a legendary role” and how it’s been her lifelong dream (she’s 8) to see the Macy’s parade in person. Between that and Al Roker, I knew I was’t going to last long and wisely found other things to do with my time. There was just a little bit too much, “I’M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE BECAUSE I’M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE!” and “I’m smiling so hard my face hurts!”

Yeah, I’m a cynic.  Not much of a fan of the holidays – other than Halloween – but I’m dang good at buying or making presents for people.   So, I’m about 75% Grinch, I think.

There are a couple of gaps in the switchboard coverage schedule and when the first one happened we panicked a bit. Well, I panicked.

We called around to try and find the former supervisor to no avail and finally I just sat down, put on the headset, hoped I understood the controls – and took the calls.

And I rocked.

I was polite, friendly, helpful, and emphatic. One of my co-workers stepped in to help too and between the two of us we had it covered.

The next time we had a gap, I brought along my laptop and kept going with my regular job.

The most interesting bit? How gratifying it was.

All day long I’m confronted with huge problems: systems down, sites needing work, training issues, etc. But these were small problems – someone needs transcripts, another has an admissions question, or wants to talk to a specific person.

Those small problems were no less important than my website work, but were so quickly solvable. Even the people that were upset were okay once I just listened. And cared – if only for a moment.

I had been dreading covered that switchboard again – but no longer. It had been my first campus job waaaay back in the day and I’m enjoying the challenge of solving all those small problems again.

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Our group has card access to our new office – but not to the building. It’s usually open by the time we get into the office, but it will be a problem during the off hours if we need access.

So, when we got an email from the Lock Shop telling us our keys would be ready for pick-up in one hour… we waited an hour and then rushed over there. Or ambled. I would have rushed, but my natural walking speed is much faster than my coworkers.

Except the keys we got didn’t work in any door in the building.

We checked.

Back to the Lock shop for new keys and these now opened the door to the office complex.

The same door that our keycards will already open.

As far as the building – nope, still no keys for that.

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My family celebrated an early thanksgiving this weekend. We went down Friday night after work, then stayed the night and spent the day with my folks and my sister and her family. My nieces were fun and the food was good – and we played some seriously cut-throat games of “No Thanks” and “Qwirkle”. I lost terribly at the first, but I’m all over those brightly colored shapes and patterns of Qwirkle.

Yes, I’m a toddler.

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We drove back this morning after breakfast and I spent the afternoon working on Christmas presents for friends and family. There was a lot of paper and glue flying around – and I finished a really amazing gift that I’ll post pictures of once I actually give it.

I’m glad origami was a hobby that stuck with me. It’s kind of amazing to take a simple piece of paper and transform it. And then combine those shapes into new ideas with another fold, a print on paper, or just a different perspective.

Still got more work to do, but I’ll have plenty of time over the thanksgiving break to work on these.

I did a little yardwork over the weekend. My goal is to be slightly better than one neighbor and slightly worse than the other. Somewhere between, “Wow, that yard looks amazing!” and “Well, at least he’s trying,”

Took me a couple of hours to get to that sweet spot on Sunday. Raked leaves, cut down some plants, and put away the patio furniture. I would have helped the neighbor, but he didn’t get started until I was already down and heading for the shower.

The only downside was that I’d recently hit my bad elbow on a towel rack and the movement of the rake fired up some weird and painful nerves in my arm. I worked around it, but it was a little rough.

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If anyone heard a loud crash recently near my house, that would have been the sound of my printer being tossed out the second story window. Okay, maybe not, but I seriously considered it.

I freaking hate printers. I don’t print that often and when I do it’s always a hassle. The most recent affront has been every other line not quite printing. I think I could actually format my way around that, but instead I’m just going to run through the rest of the diagnostics that seem designed to waste ink. My printing project is a small bit of text, but it seems determined to be a big deal.

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Today was the big office move. We got started a little after 7 and went at it pretty solid until a break for lunch at 11. I helped my boss move his stuff and mine, then loaded up my car for one last trip to get the rest of my stuff. One of my co-workers moved his stuff and the three of us were settled in by the afternoon. My other co-worker will join us tomorrow as soon as his new office is cleared.

It was a lot of work – even though we didn’t have to move much furniture. I’ve got my standing desk going and I think the new space is going to work out well.

Tomorrow we’ll get our students set up and I’ll be taking over the student switchboard. And I’ll need to get caught up from my downtime before my computer was up and running.

I think this is a good move, but it will be weird for a bit. And I’m wondering how long it will take me to remember to go to the new building in the morning.

My vehicle registration isn’t due until January, but I got the notice about it along with the eCheck reminder and decided to go ahead and get those taken care of. I started off with an oil change since I was due, then over to the eCheck station. Things went okay – except when they wouldn’t touch the hood to open it to check on the liters for the engine size. Since I don’t know that off the top of my head, I had to open the hood for them – some kind of weird rule – and then handed off the paperwork and went to wait.

The test was nearly done when the three employees closed the door on me – in the waiting area – and stood outside in a conferenced discussion.

After a few minutes, they came back in and the printer fired up a PASS. No idea what it was about, maybe they just like to mess with every 5th person that is certain to pass the test.

The next day, with all the paperwork ready, I head over to the BMV. I went right after work and there was no line. I was in and out of there with my sticker in about 5 minutes.

I’ve heard horror stories about the BMV – in fact, there was one going on in the line next to mine. And they all amount to about the same thing:

People not having their shit together.

Seriously, none of this is that complicated. The person in the line next to mine was trying to get their car registered for the first time – without the title or the memorandum title. Why would you even try that?

Ugh.

So, I was on my way in record time and got my sticker put on that evening. One less thing to worry about when the cold and snow hit.

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Our department at work – already having switched divisions – is now physically moving across campus. I’ve been busily packing up my office, my former colleague’s office, the student assistant areas, and the books/cables/software/lamps/etc. for the rest of office.

It’s weird. I’ve worked in this building nearly my entire time here and now I’m heading back to the building where I started as a student assistant. Different job, different responsibilities, and I’m certainly a different person – but if I was the kind of person that believed in omens, I think I’ve be nervous at the “full circle-ness of things”.

I’m also going to be taking on a new supervisory role and it’s not exactly a well-oiled machine that I’m stepping into. Actually gave me a little trouble sleeping last night.

So, surrounded by boxes here and planning the “GREAT SHUTTING DOWN” for later this afternoon – which is more about unplugging things and packing them up, though the shutting down is clearly step one.

After I get some snacks. Man, I’ve got the munchies something fierce. And this right after lunch, too. The swim must have taken a lot out of me.
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Also?  This is post number 1,200.   Dang, I’m verbose or something.

Went to a cool Halloween party last night. The hosts had some great food and we listened to spooky music and watched scary movies while we hung out. I re-used my costume from last year since Slenderman wasn’t party friendly – and I won a prize! Super cool.

We tried a Ouija board, but couldn’t get it to work and then posed for a group photo. There were spooky stories and clever costumes – it was a great way to spend Halloween night.

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I’ve been reading a couple of good books – “Furiously Happy” by Jenny Lawson and “Machine Man” by Max Barry. Jenny Lawson tells about her mental illness and the furiously happy ways she tries to deal with it and live with it. The main character in Machine Man has a different set of emotional problems – but though both books are radically different, they both look at social anxiety. I do okay in social circumstances and I’m not really anxious about them anymore, but I never quite feel natural.

Whatever that means.

I know what to say, how to say it, and usually when to say it – but it takes some effort and thought. And there’s the little nagging fear that I’m going to say something odd or inappropriate.

Which is a very real concern. I mean, have you seen the inside of my head? It’s all odd or inappropriate or just downright weird.

I marvel at some of my friends that so easily interact with people. They don’t seem to ever have strangers – striking up conversations fluidly and making friends with no more effort, it seems, than me folding a paper crane.

Or maybe it just looks easy. Maybe it’s just a matter of practice. It’s worth the effort, though, and I am getting better.

Case in point: I ran into a former co-worker at the grocery store. We had a nice chat standing in the aisle and got caught up a bit. When we were done and I started to walk away, I saw Jim running his own errands. So, I introduced them and they shared a friendly hello. So, casual conversations and an introduction? Bonus points! I may have just Leveled Up.

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I got some spam on my blog today day that – in addition to trying to get me to click a link for a handbag – also suggested that my theme was boring and I could do better.

Now, I know I could have any theme and it would have said the same thing – it’s just pseudo-conversation to fool the filters – but it was still rude. I like my extra blank theme and an uncluttered website is frankly a little refreshing.

It wasn’t the only insult of the day though. The Ladies from New York called me up on their cell phone and asked if I would come over and help install their new home phone. When I got there, the Elder said,

“You got fat!”

Now, that’s bullshit – clearly. I would like to be a little more solid in the midsection, but I’m not fat or even heavy.

Knowing that neither of them have any real filters, I shrugged it off, did a little flex, and said that I preferred “solid”.

I sat down and the Younger indicated my midsection and commented on my belly again. This went on for a bit – in what I’m hoping was a good-natured manner – but I started to tire of it.

“Now,” I said, gently chiding them, “You know I’m here to help you out,”

They laughed and I got to work on setting up the phone. I had the new phone plugged in and in place in 10 minutes and programmed in another 2 – would have taken then hours or days, I’m guessing.

I declined the soda and we chatted for a bit before I headed out.

I guess no matter how big your ego gets, trust two little old ladies from New York to take you down a peg.

I have been told, in a mild jest, that I eat like a toddler. I submit my last two days of meals as a reference.

Breakfast: Poptarts and a lemon fiber bar
Lunch: Salad – heavy on the greens and beans
Dinner: Chef-boy-r-dee ravioli with extra pasta and microwavable meatballs. (50 seconds!)

Breakfast: Poptarts and a chocolate fiber bar
Lunch: Salad, again
Dinner: Well, the meatballs last night were good so I had those again, along with some broccoli. And then a family sized helping of unbuttered popcorn.

Oh, and last night I wanted a snack and found a package of fruit snacks in the cupboard. Sweet! Didn’t know I had those. 1/4 way in – hey, these might be stale. 1/2 way in – Hmmm… expired in 2014. Eh, I finished them.

It’s a wonder I haven’t accidentally killed myself.

Is that the meal plan of a toddler? I don’t really think so, but it is oddly specific while also being seriously random. I think I get points for the Chef and Poptarts – but lose ground with the fiber bar and salad. Hmmm… I did have essentially the same thing for two days in a row…

Eh.

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The minty green plastic speaker skull finally gave up in the middle of a song and I recharged it last night. This evening I was listening to it again and carried it upstairs with me – along with a armful of stuff – in the dark.

I went to set things down in my bedroom to then turn on the light and realized the skull was glowing.

Now, it’s not glow-in-the dark, but the skull is slightly translucent and the power LED is very bright green. The combination – along with a dark room – was seriously creepy.

I think I may have to revisit the eldrich power source theory.
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I was busy at lunch time yesterday and instead hit the pool after work. I felt pretty good, kinda held my own against the college aged swimmers (not really), and did 3/4 of a mile. Could have gone further, but I got hungry.

Not too shabby.

Jim and I took a trip to Half-Priced books today. It’s about 1/2 an hour away and we usually try to check out some other fun shops when we go.

One of those was Pottery Barn. Not really my cup of tea, but interesting in its own way. I was wandering around in there when I came across a ceramic bare foot on a tray. That was it – just a foot. The toes were a little longer than my own – and mine are kinda long – and it was done in kind of a gray glaze. Odd.

I called Jim over and asked,

“What would a house have to look like there were would be ‘perfect spot’ for something like this?”

He didn’t even have to think about it and didn’t bat an eye.

“Yours,” he replied.

I started bristle, but then acknowledged that I do have an entire shelf of skulls. And a bowl of brains at work.

It’s valid.

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We also stopped over at Crate and Barrel. It’s kind of amazing the attention to detail and how precisely positioned and arranged everything is. Very stylized and generally out of my price range. Also, no actual crates or barrels to be found.

I needed to use the rest room and while the restroom was as decorated (or over-decorated) as the rest of the store, the prior user hadn’t flushed the urinal.

So, it smelled like a gas station restroom.

Which was unfortunate. I’m pretty sure it spoiled the affect they were going for – and I’m guessing they were regretting not springing for the auto-flush. For the record, I did flush when I was done. And washed my hands. I guess it was notable that, no matter how much you dress things up, you can’t escape the human element.

Or, apparently, the human odor.

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Finally, I finished up the costume this weekend. The detail work had been done for a while, but I had some mechanical challenges to wrap up. Those were surmounted and this evening I had a dress rehearsal and showed my neighbor – since I needed to actually try and walk around and he could see into the backyard.

He was impressed and I was more mobile than I anticipated. As with previous years I may have some trouble with stairs, but I’m working on my route around campus and should be okay.

Looking forward to the day off and a day of creeping people out.

Last weekend, I bought a skull. It’s a speaker for an MP3 player or phone – made of plastic with a USB port for charging.

And it’s Mint Green. Like, it should glow in the dark but, sadly, doesn’t.

I charged it up and plugged in my MP3 player. Figured I’d get a couple hours out of it. Instead, it lasted over 4 hours. Then, several more hours over the course of the week. My player lost it’s charge and my phone couldn’t keep up. It’s still going as I write this – and I’m beginning to suspect this minty plastic skull may have some kind of eldrich power source. I’m afraid to open it up lest I unleash some vengeful spirit.

Or maybe not vengeful. You never know with these things – it might like my music. Just in case, I started off with a little Metallica and then moved on to Brittney Spears.

Gotta cover all the bases.

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On Monday, the webteam had a rough day. A database upgrade went… not great, and some critical programs broke. My swimming buddy was up to his eyeballs in code and wouldn’t be able to go with me to the pool – as is our usual habit on Mondays at lunch time.

I had stopped at Sheetz that morning to get a sub since the lines for lunch on campus are insane. So, I had a full sub, two packages of ho-ho’s, and a big bag of chips.

Now, I can eat a lot of food, but I don’t have to. So, I split up my lunch so he could have half and I ate the rest. That way, he could keep going and not be interrupted.

It was a couple of percentage points shy of quite enough to eat for me and I got a little headache by the end of the day – but it was worth it to help out even if I’m not a programmer.

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Also this week, I went to the nursing clinic on campus and got a flu shot. The email suggested that we wear a short-sleeved shirt and have our insurance card ready.

Before heading over, I took off my long-sleeved work shirt – I had on a t-shirt under it – and put my insurance card in my jacket pocket.

I went to the clinic, checked in and filled out some paperwork. I turned this in, handed over my card to get it copied, and was ready to go.

The nurse took me back to the exam room and I took off my jacket. She noted my t-shirt and my work shirt tied around my waist.

“Look at you! Ready to go,” she said and I replied,

“Well, I can follow instructions,”

She was a little taken aback and shook her head.

“Not many people do,” she mused wistfully.

I rolled up my t-shirt sleeve and she used a spray to numb the area. I got the shot, got a band-aid, took a survey, and got a sticker – and then I was on my way. 12 minutes total time.

I don’t always get a flu shot, but considering my insurance covered it and it was literally next door to work I didn’t really have any excuse.

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Finally, I got diverted again this morning for even more road construction. It is getting tricky to get anywhere with all the projects going on.

I got so frustrated I couldn’t even swear properly – and I’m damn good at swearing. I mean, I can throw in a little Klingon and Sumerian (those guys know how to party) and mix up a combo to take the paint off a wall.  The combination this time was still insulting, I think, but also didn’t make a lot of sense out of a very narrow context.

I’m not going to repeat it here – you’ll have to ask me, preferably in person. But it was dumb enough and silly enough that I couldn’t even stay mad.

Hmmm… maybe I should try that instead of growling at people that tick me off.  Hey, it worked for Princess Leia.

Scruffy looking nerf herder.
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