Jim and I were out running errands and stopped at a Panda Express for dinner. 

It was crowded when we went in and the groups in front of us had oddly complicated orders.  I usually get the shrimp, but couldn’t find it behind the glass and had trouble with my order as well. 

While we were in line, the volume in the restaurant steadily went up to the point that it was hard to hear the server and be heard as well.   When we finally got our food and sat down, it got worse.

The customers in line were loud. The servers were loud back. The cooking stations had multiple types of loud notification beeps.  The soda machine refilled itself with ice in the loudest way possible. The air conditioner had a rattle.  And the group sitting next to us were shouting at each other. 

I started to eat, trying to concentrate on the simple act of bringing food to my mouth and chewing/swallowing – and realized my hands were shaking.

Everything was so loud and overwhelming.

I wanted to shout at everyone to be quiet – even just for a moment.  I wanted to break all the machines and their endless beeping.  And I wanted to abandon my meal and just…run.

But, instead of doing any of those things, I just stamped an imaginary boot down on my anxiety and held it down long enough to get control of my hands and eat my dinner.

I’ve been skeptical of people that have sensory issues – thinking that in some cases they are just checking out on the responsibility of being aware of the world around them.   But, maybe I was in the same boat – if only for one meal at the Panda.

And maybe I need to start carrying earplugs.