Thunder of Wade

I took myself for a walk this evening, been in kind of a weird mood and needed to clear my head.  Walking usually does it for me, but even after an hour and a half I wasn’t any clearer.  It did help me acknowledge a truth – my previous post was bitchy.  I still stand by what I said, but it was bitchy.

I stopped at the bank and at Dairy Queen to have a highly disappointing ice cream cone – then walked around the park for a while.  I’ve been feeling… well… a bit empty.  Like my emotions are fireworks that quickly fade to leave an empty night sky – or just a vague bit of smoke.  Can’t seem to hold any particular emotion for very long in any direction. Feels weird.

The only one I seem to be able to sustain for any length of time is irritated.  I seem to be increasingly good at that one. Today it was my co-worker, yesterday it was the 7 swimmers that shared my lane at the pool – and the swim team that took up the rest of the pool and crowded us – and the guy at the front desk who cheerfully acknowledged that the swimsuit water extractor was broken, had been broken, and was not going to be fixed anytime soon.

Yeah, I’m all over irritated.  But it doesn’t last.  I had a good evening yesterday and a nice time last weekend, but when left to my own devices, I slide back to zero.  I have no idea if this is normal or not or if I’m just being far too introspective – but I gotta tell you it’s pretty weird from in here.

I’ve got a full day tomorrow of work and then plans in the evening.  I’m hoping I can shake this void-like funk soon.

It’s getting late for me, but I don’t really feel like sleeping yet.  Maybe some games or a little more music before I call it a night.

We have a staff meeting every week on Wednesdays that was originally intended to let us share the projects we are working on so that was can collaborate.

Except that we are all stretched so thin and so busy with our own projects that we don’t have much chance to collaborate.  So, the meetings become a recitation of what we are working on at the moment and pretty much no one cares what the others are working on.

I held out for a long time.  I came prepared with notes and would take notes, diligently paying attention and keeping myself focused on whoever was speaking at the moment and contributing where I could.

I’m still prepared with some notes, but my attention wanders.  I may check my email or do a little work, but enough of my attention is engaged that I can keep up.

Today, while I was giving my report on my tasks, one of my co-workers pulled out a book and started reading.

Really.

I blurred what I was talking about into a comment directed at him to try and get his attention – then finally stopped and called him out on it.  He put the book away and I continued once I found my place again.    A few moments later while I was still talking, he got out the book again and tried to hide it behind the screen of  his laptop.  This time, my boss called him out on it.

What bothered wasn’t that he wasn’t paying attention.  None of us are paying attention to each other in these meetings – it’s just the way it goes.   What bothered me was that he wasn’t even pretending to pay attention.  Just struck me as rude.  After the meeting, he sent me an instant message with a comment that essentially blamed me for being boring.  I fired back that a little courtesy will make the meetings more bearable.  I think he apologized, but the whole conversation was rife with sarcasm that I couldn’t be sure.

I dropped my boss an email before I left for the day suggesting that we re-evaluate the meetings and how they are structured – there has to be a way to accomplish the goals and still engage everyone.

One thing is for certain – I need to take a couple days off.

I headed south for the weekend and my first stop was to visit Jeff’s brother for dinner.   And of course I hit traffic in Columbus.  There was an accident on 270 – which is only to be expected for rush hour.  Then construction split the lanes of traffic right down the middle.  I gritted my teeth, followed the signs, swore several times, and managed to navigate through the mess to reach the restaurant.   Really, who came up with the plan of “Let’s start in the middle of the lanes!”?

Anyway, I actually got to the restaurant before he did – even though he was only minutes away.  There was another traffic accident that he couldn’t avoid between where he works and the restaurant –  so, I busied myself with a little paper folding until he arrived.

We talked for a bit and enjoyed our meals at the bar.  He brought up the apartment deposit and I downplayed that a bit.  I was cranky about that for a while, but I’m pretty much over it.  We talked a little about how his family is doing and had a few sad moments when we talked about Jeff’s car and about taking his ashes to the beach to be scattered from the pier.

I didn’t stay too late since I had another hour to drive so we said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch.

I continued on my way to my sister’s place to see her and my brother-in-law.  The next day my folks came to visit as well and we all had fun hanging out with my niece – who has named me “untul”.    That’s as close as she can get at the moment to Uncle – and I’ll gladly answer to it.  We had Chipotle for lunch (except for Dad, who strangely doesn’t like it) and just had a nice time together.   I crashed early that night with a bad headache that wanted to be a migraine when it grew up, but was much better the next day.

We had lunch together before we headed out and made some tentative plans for our next visit.

When I got  home, my neighbor was out in his yard and invited me over to his fire pit. We sat back there for a while and talked about the neighborhood.  I went in because it was getting buggy and called it an early night.

It was a good weekend and I had fun – even though it was pretty laid back.  Looking forward to getting back to the pool – I’m at 50 miles for the year so far – and maybe doing a little yard work when I get home.

So, after my swim yesterday, I called my former landlord about the deposit on the apartment that I’d shared with Jeff since I hadn’t heard anything about that.  She cheerfully explained that she’d talked to Jeff’s siblings about that and had been told by his sister to just keep the deposit since they would have to repaint.

Really.

So, $800 dollars back to the landlord to paint.  I mean, we had lived there for almost 8 years  – wouldn’t you think that painting would be part of the ordinary process of getting the apartment ready to go again?

(insert head shaking here)

If his sister had talked to me about it, we could have gotten the full amount back.  I got the full deposit back on the previous apartment and my room-mate at the time had trashed the place.  Instead, she made the decision that required the least amount of brain-power and I’m out $400.

Well, not entirely.   I guess I’d be more upset about that and would have fought for it if Jeff hadn’t left me some money.  I’ll just add that to what I’m keeping back to pay what I’d loaned him before giving the rest to his siblings.  Still, what a waste.

In other news… I got my haircut yesterday and since it was my 10th cut, I got it free.  So I gave the stylist a $5 tip.  Made me feel like a big spender.

I ran a few errands and grabbed some Arby’s for dinner before settling in for some DVD’s and folding.  Working on what I’m hoping will be a cool project as a birthday present.

One funny story I forgot from the weekend was when one of the kids I was with remembered that it was supposed to be a “supermoon” that night.  He raised his arm at a right angle with his hand pointed at his face and solemnly intoned – “The Moon.  The Sun goes down, the Moon comes up,”  He’s 4 years old.   It was a little funny and also every so slightly creepy.  Even after he was sent to bed, the adults in the room would occasionally look at each other, raise arms, and solemnly intone -“The moon”.

I left work a little early today in order to get a bite to eat before my blood appointment.  I stopped at McDonald’s on the way and as usual, the place was chaotic.  Fryers beeping, customers ordering and arguing, kids fighting – the usual.  I tried to tune things out and eat my nuggets in peace when I happened to catch a snatch of the music playing over the speakers.  It was Annie Lennox – “No More I Love You’s”.   Which is a beautiful and peaceful song.  I focused in on that and actually ended up with a small smile on my face.

I got over to the donation site early and read  through the materials – then sat down in the line waiting to be called.  There was a guy two seats over who was loudly reciting the locations of the ESPN restaurants and super stores in North America.  It was the most boring bit of trivia I’ve ever heard and he just kept going on and on.   I wondered if someone was helping keep track of him – seemed that he wasn’t quite able to function on his own.  I busied myself with some paper folding and tried to tune him out.  I may be a more than a little obsessive about origami, but at least I’m quiet about it.

When it was finally my turn, I sat with the staff person and she did all the usual checks.  I told her that I had lived with someone in the past 12 months that had hepatitis, but that I had been tested and was clear.  She thought that would be okay, but had me go through the health questions on the computer.  When that one threw a flag she had a couple other people over to discuss and they ended up deferring me for a year.

Which sucks.  I thought I was doing the right thing with all of this – getting tested, disclosing, etc.   But, the rules are the inflexible rules.  If I had been thinking ahead I would have brought the test results with me – though I doubt it would have done any good. I’m sure there are people with far riskier health issues and less honesty that are donating today – but this O- was not one of them.

Not the end of the world, but disappointing.  I guess I’ll start up again in December.

On Friday, I met up with a friend and some of his friends for dinner.  They picked me up and while we ran a few errands before dinner, I entertained their 3 year old with some paper folding – a small person, then a horse for him to ride.  He was impressed and wanted me to fold a hat for the rider.   I couldn’t really do a cowboy hat – the closest I got was a sort of samurai turban.

Dinner was good and afterwards he asked if “that guy” (since he couldn’t remember my name) could come home with them.  🙂  Guess he figured I was entertaining enough that he wanted me to stick around.   I promised that we could play with Legos next time I saw him and that was good enough for him.

On Saturday, I did a ton of yard work.  Mowed the grass, raked, cut down some vines and did a little weeding.  That evening, I went to a BBQ.  The food was good and the company was fun – though I actually got some of my Origami turned down.  I had made some stuff for the little boy that was there, but when I offered a bird to his sister, she said no and that was it.  Kinda took me surprise – origami is pretty much universal with kids and senior citizens.  🙂

Sunday morning was more yard work, then some errands.   I had dinner at Chipotle and took a picture of my burrito bowl to send to one of my co-workers.  He texted me back and asked if that was barf.   I was a little surprised since he’s a fan of chipotle as well – must not have come through as a good picture since it tasted really good.

That evening, I helped my friend walk his two small dogs.  We were making our way down the street when we heard a popping noise and saw a screen fly off the window of the house we were in front of – followed instantly by a very large dog leaping through the window.  My friend scooped up his dog while the large dog bounded over for what was a very quiet, but very aggressive, inspection.  Since that small dog was out of reach, he turned to me and I quickly scooped up the dog I was walking.  There was a moment when we didn’t know what was going to happen, then the door flew open and a very angry woman came storming out after the dog – whose name was, apparently, Rodeo.  She apologized, then began dragging the dog back in the house without checking to see if we were okay.   Once the coast was clear, we walked a bit then set the dogs down and continued on our way.

I’m planning on leaving work a little early to give blood – been while since I’ve given since the region’s red cross blood services is on strike and they’ve cut way back on the blood drives.  I’m hoping I don’t have to cross a picket line.

The boss is out of the office this week, but I’m expecting I’ll still be pretty busy – better get back to it.

Our service awards came in yesterday and were delivered with the least amount of fanfare possible.  I got a certificate that was signed with a jpg of the president’s signature and a “box of stuff”.    This included a keychain – which was too bulky to use but very shiny.   There was a business card case – which was not as nice as the circuit board version that I also don’t use – but was very shiny.  A money clip that I’m pretty sure I’m not wealthy or arrogant enough to actually use, but very shiny.  And a pen set that’s too nice to carry around and risk losing, but very shiny.

So, several very shiny things that I won’t use and a certificate that I’m going to file in a drawer somewhere.  Still better than the paperweight I got at 10 years, but somewhat pointless.  I guess I was hoping for a more personal touch – a human acknowledgement of my value.  A handshake and a thank-you would have been far better than a form letter and what amounted to a “form gift”.

These “small gifts” – as they were described in the invitation to the service awards event – came in at a somewhat ironic time.   I was deeply hating my job yesterday.    Just so burned out this week, fighting broken systems and one admin task after another.  I just wanted to get back to being a creative geek, but I don’t see that in my immediate future.  I was too cranky to even swim yesterday – just went home and played video games and ate junk food until I felt better – which was right around the time I went to bed.

I’m in a better mood today, sort of.  My meeting got canceled today, I remembered to set out my garbage last night (which is pretty big deal for me), I beat my star wars game, and my dad has offered to buy me some gardening tools.    Kind of weird mix of good things, but I’ll take them.  So, back to the grind and saving the day.   Maybe I’ll do some gardening after my swim – a little sunshine will do me good.

A few weeks ago when we had some nice weather, I went around my house and opened up all the storm windows and put the screens in place.  Since this is Ohio, the nice weather only lasted a short time and I was soon forced to close the regular windows, but didn’t bother with the storm windows since I figured that the cold snap wouldn’t last.

It’s recently been very cold and the temp in my house dropped into the mid 50’s.   I’ve resisted turning on the heat since I’m too stubborn to go around and re-winterize the house.  It’s the last day of April, for crying out loud.    So, I’ve been wearing a jacket in the house – and one day a stocking cap as well – and have been bundling up before I go to bed.  I’m pretty sure that as soon as I winterize the house again and turn on the heat  – we’ll get a heat wave.  Yesterday wasn’t too bad, we may be on a warming trend already.  Which is good to hear since I couldn’t feel my toes the other day.

Played a few rounds of Zombie Fluxx and Zombie Dice with one of my friends recently – and got my ass kicked.  The Zombies won the first round and he won the next two.  And then handedly won the Zombie Dice game.  It was fun – especially when the rules got really complicated in Fluxx.

I swam last Saturday and finished up 5 miles in the pool for the week.  Not bad for a 39 year old.    And I’ve lost weight – I’m down below 180.

I’ve been playing the new Dungeon Siege games on the PS3 and had some fun with the multiplayer of de Blob.  And made some progress in Minecraft before a Creeper blew up my house.  Stupid Creeper.  It was a neat house too, the walls were flowing water.  The creeper took out a section of the roof and the water went everywhere.

Went out to eat a Macaroni Grill and had trouble deciding what I wanted – the Simple Salmon was off the menu now.  I decided on the Create Your Own Pasta.  When I requested that, the server whipped out a paper pad with a checklist.  I hurried through the list and checked off the options – and ended up with exactly what I wanted.   Wheat Fettuccine pasta, basil pesto, asparagus, and meatballs.    Finished the meal and soaked up the rest of the pesto with the rest of the really excellent bread.  I think I’ve got a new favorite dish.

Guess that’s it for me.  Swimming after work, then some Dead Like Me, video games,  and a bit of folding.

I may have crossed a line today.

A while back, I started reading up on the mythology of the Blue Lanterns Corps – an ally of the Green Lanterns, but fueled by Hope.  Pretty neat back story and on a whim, I bought a Blue Lantern power ring.  I’ve had it hanging on the wall in the armory.

Yes, I have an armory.

Since I’d bought the ring from Amazon.com, they thoughtfully suggested that I get the t-shirt as well.  So, I ordered and it came in recently.

Causal Friday came around today and I decided to wear the shirt.

And the power ring.

I’ve also memorized the Blue Lantern Oath.

I think I’ve turned into a FanBoy.  Now all I need is some spandex and a convention and I’ll be all set.

In less ridiculous news, I’ve had some run-ins at the pool.   On Wednesday I shared a lane with a guy who was “swimming wide” – taking his half right out of the middle.  Luckily, I “swim narrow” as a rule and there were no injuries.  This was also the day that the lifeguard had no idea which lanes were open for lap swimming.  Really?  Isn’t their job to watch the pool?  How could they not know that?  He suggested I read the chart on the wall that was no help at all (partly since I could barely see it without my glasses) – I ended up guessing which lane I could use.

On Thursday, I’m sharing a lane again and about 3/4 of my way through my laps.  I had my head down and was really stretching into the stroke when I suddenly ran into something.  I popped up instantly and there was a girl in my half of the lane facing me.  She had been one lane over and the guy there was taking up the whole lane.  So, she came over to our lane without checking to see if we were splitting the lane or rotating.  It was her fault, but I still felt bad.

Also, I think I may have inadvertently grabbed some boob.

She went back over to her lane and shortly thereafter the guy in my lane finished up.  With a little more room, I poured on my last few laps and finished up as well.  Before I got out, I told her that she could move over to the now empty lane.

I’ll be glad when the swimming teams are done with the pool and we can go back to having our own lanes.

Looking forward to the weekend  – as the Blue Lanterns would say, “All will be well”

I’ve been feeling a little blue the past couple days – I think it’s the weather and having to bundle up again when I really should be wearing shorts.  So yesterday I decided that some good old fashioned mindless activity would do me good and I went to the pool after work with a goal of swimming two miles.  Now, I’ve gone further than that before, but that was with the lanes set up the short way and without a full day of work before that.

So, I hit the pool and there was only one lane open for lap swimming  – the swim teams had the rest of the pool.  At one point, we had 8 people in the lane and amazingly no one got kicked in the head.  Though, frankly, the girls that were treading water in the deep end and  getting in the way maybe should have been.

I was about a mile into the swim when I stopped at one end to let another guy go ahead of me – needed to catch my breath.  After a second, we each realized that we knew the other person – he was a colleague and works with me on a committee.   We talked for a couple minutes, then I set off again.

Over the course of my swim I got cramps in:

1. The bottom of my right foot.
2. The bottom of my left foot.
3. My left calf.
4. My left pectoral
5. My right thigh.
6. Lower back, right side.

I was running out of muscle groups to cramp up – though none were bad except for the calf muscle.  Apparently, I need to eat more bananas.

I was dragging ass for the last few laps – except for the last one. I poured it on and finished strong. And then had trouble climbing out of the pool.  I was pretty tired when I got home and had some ironic fish for dinner.  Feeling much better today, though still wishing it was warmer.