Thunder of Wade

It was raining pretty hard when I left work today, but I figured I was swimming anyway and what did it matter if I got wet? I was almost halfway through my swim when the lifeguard stopped me and said that there was a tornado warning and we needed to get out of the pool. So, out of the pool I went and then asked if we were to “shelter in place” or what? She didn’t know, but we quickly found out we were supposed to go to the locker room. I went in and decided to go ahead and changed thinking: a). It could last so long as to take up the time i had allocated for my swim or b). If a tornado did hit, I wanted to be wearing something more that a speedo. Although I do look damn good in it.

The warning passed and I went on home and to the basement to check on the litter box. Hey, we all have our roles to play. Except that the litter box was the least of my worries.

Water.

Mostly in the bathroom down there where it was an inch deep, but a few trickles across the floor as well. I got towels, a fan, the de-humidifier on ‘turbo’, a mop and bucket, and finally the shop vac. The water was running out of and down one of the interior walls but it finally settled down and I was able to get ahead of it. I’ll reconfigure things down there before I go to bed, but I think things are sort of under control. Though it’s still damp and I’m still annoyed. It was a lot of rain, but still…

And somehow, that’s not the worst of it. The back patio slab is crawling – literally – with slugs. Big, fat, orange slugs. Just like the one that nearly caused me to cut my thumb off when I squished it and the guts wouldn’t wash off. They are huge and they are everywhere. I counted 50 before I got too freaked out. They are on the concrete, on the fence, on the driveway… shudder. If they come in the house, I’m going to burn it down – only way to be sure. Did I mention “shudder”?

So, I’m going to try and calm myself down and maybe have a nice cup of tea. I’m clearly not going to sleep tonight as I’m certain my cat will lick me and I’ll think it’s the raspy “bite” of a mutant slug and I will die of sheer imagined terror.

Yeah, that’s kind of how my evening went.

For the 4th of July, one of my friends rented a boat to take us all out on the lakes. The day was overcast and it rained a bit, but mostly it was nice weather to be out on a boat on a lake. A few of us swam a bit – just enough to make us tired enough that we had trouble getting back in the boat.

On Friday it was back to work and a nearly full web-server. Spent most of the day trying to clear enough space to keep us going while we figured out what the problem was.

Today, I helped one of my friends set up for a garage sale and when I got home I figured it would do a few chores around the house. I had noticed a bit of trash in my backyard – a cereal box – and after I brought the garbage cans back up from the curb I went to pick up the box and throw it away. It was partly under the fence and I had to hunker over to reach it.

I grabbed it.

Felt something squish under my thumb.

Then I saw the 1.6 billion slugs crawling all over the box.

Now, I’m generally not that squemish – when I’ve not been surprised about it. My rational mind is perfectly capable of being detached about things if given warning.

However, this was a “slug-gut-surprise” and I swore like a little sailor.

I gave up on the box, went inside to wash off the orange guts with very hot water and soap. After I was done and rinsed off my thumb I realized something.

IT WAS STILL THERE!!!!

The orange slug guts had stubbornly resisted multiple applications of soap and hot water.

I got some paper towels and scraped/scrubbed until the orange was gone – then dunked my hand in scalding soapy water for a while. It finally came clean and I finished off with some hand-sanitizer – though I haven’t ruled just cutting my thumb off.

Thunder(cat) just lay there and watched me like I was the biggest idiot on the planet. I wasn’t aware that one cat could generate that much contempt, but he was putting it out there.

I’ve been fighting a bit of a headache today and though lunch outside – with actual sunlight and no computer screens – might do me some good. I paid my $8.00 for my $5.00 footlong sub and found what I thought would be a quiet spot outside on one of the balconies at the student union.

Except that every truck in the tri-county area decided to go in reverse at the same time. And stayed in reverse for the entire time I was outside. Or at least that’s what it seemed like. The beeping was incessant and put a damper on my really excellent sandwich. So, now I’m back at my desk in a still slightly cranky mood. At least I wasn’t at McDonald’s.  The beating from the friers has been know to drive my sister into a genocidal rage and it doesn’t do me any favors either.

Also, they are painting the inside walls and columns of the student union bright yellow. Really? Yes, really. Looks like a smiley face exploded.  What is wrong with people?

In funner news… Thunder(cat) and I have been having good times.

1. Yesterday, while we were sitting on the couch, he reached out a paw to me. I put my paw on top of his, then he pulled his paw out to place it on top of mine. We repeated this maybe 20 times before he decided he was done with the game – and ended it without the use of his claws.  Remarkable!

2. A few days ago, I leaned over and put my head against his side while he was sitting on the couch. After a few moments, he began to lick my head. I don’t know if it was just a nice gesture on his part (since I brush him) or if he thought I was – to quote the Ferengi – a “filthy hoo-man” and needed to be cleaned up. It hurt a little, but I let him go for a while since it seemed important to him. After a few minutes, I got up and went to put some hand sanitizer on my head. It was nice and all, but I know where that tongue has been.

3. I’ve seen him do the “tail lashing butt wiggle” before he pounces on something – usually a fragment of a leaf I’ve tracked in. While playing a video game recently, I looked over at him to see he was getting ready to pounce – and I was the target. He was halfway through his “butt wiggle” when we made eye contact and he quietly lowered himself to a seated position. Busted, Thunder(cat).

4. He loves to race in front of me and then flop down right in my path – then look up at me as if to say, “I don’t care if you step on me, I just love you so f*&$ing much and I want to be right here,”. And yes, I’m pretty sure my cat would swear if he could – I casually and usually good-naturedly swear at him all the time and he doesn’t seem to mind.

5. Finally, at least for now, is when he has been in some other part of the house and I call out “Thunder Cat, Hooooooooooo!” and he comes running. It’s pretty awesome and I always give him plenty of attention and sometimes a treat too. He always has a look on his face like “Where have you been!?! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

It’s almost time for the Weekly Wednesday Webteam meeting. I’m the only one that calls it that – even though it gives us a nice “WWW”. I’m reluctant to unleash the nano-probes into my colleagues brains to affect the behavior change, but I really don’t see a good alternative at this point. If they can’t get on-board with the name, I’m going to make them get on-Borg instead. Jeez, people, it’s funny – enjoy it.

So, I’m at the pool on Friday and there is no one there but me and the lifeguards. I swim a few laps, then switch lanes. Then swim a few more and switch again. Then half a lap and switch, then switch in the middle of the lane. A few other people show up and I switch lanes around them – careful to never get in the way. As it worked out, I finished my swim in the lane I started at.

As I got out of the pool, I prepped a story/reason why I was switching lanes – which was something I had to think about since I didn’t really have a good reason. I decided I was going to tell people that I was lucky to have made it back and that I go soooo lost out there. And that someone should really put up some markers. Then I planned to shake my head and walk away.

But no one asked. Which is a bummer because I enjoy messing with people in really trivial ways.

In other news… the last remaining balloon from my birthday back in January has finally stopped floating. It made the rounds around the house on the air currents and has finally settled behind my stereo. I’ll deflated it the rest of the way and keep it for a bit – it was a pretty good birthday.

Also, I got reminded that it was recently Jeff’s birthday. I had known it was coming up, but forgot on the actual day. Which is good, in a way. Means I’m moving on. And terrible as well because, well, I forgot. Not sure how much that really means, though, as I’m horrible at remembering anyone’s birthday. So, just a little to think about today as I update my blog and remember.

I returned the incorrectly sized filter at Lowe’s, then went to the aisle to find a new one. They had plenty of the wrong size, but the spot where the correct size should be was empty. I went back to the service desk and they called for someone to meet me there. The clerk and I both looked at all the upper shelves and he checked the computer several times. It showed 29 in stock, but we couldn’t find any. As in zero of these giant boxes.  The clerk was mystified and I asked if could check the inventory of other stores. We found another store nearby that had 24 in stock and I was on my way – but not to the other Lowe’s. Instead, since I now had a better idea what I was looking for, I went to home depot and got the last one they had in stock.  Sorry, Lowe’s, you missed your chance.

Tons of other filters of all makes and models and the one I need is apparently tough to keep in stock. So, with the filter installed and the AC on, Thunder(cat) doesn’t seem to appreciate the work I did to keep him cool.

He did, however, volunteer to help me put some shelves together. His version of helping was to determine the exact next piece I would need and then mark it for my by laying on it and refusing to move. I think tapping it with his paw would have been more useful, but it’s his way. I got the shelve put together with no mistakes or having to undo and redo any steps. I thought it was funny that the instructions were only 7 steps. Step 1 was “insert the 4 smaller wooden dowels into bottom shelf A” and by the time we got to Step 5 there were 20 things I needed to do in that step. Really? Anyway, I got it done and set up and though it’s a little shorter than I expected, I think it will work well.

And from those shelves, I pulled out a pair of shorts to go to an outdoor party yesterday. The party was supposed to start at 4 and we were running late – and got there just as the sky opened up. It poured buckets and the lightning was amazing. I got out to get an umbrella from the trunk and was drenched instantly. On the short walk to the house, it started to hail. Everyone at the party was huddled under in the garage waiting for the storm to blow over – which it did soon enough – though I was already soaked to the skin. Fortunately, I had the foresight to put my phone in a plastic baggie and I left my wallet in my car. The party was fun, the food was good, and the company was friendly. Didn’t stay too late, but had a nice time.

Last weekend, my folks and my sister and her family decided to go camping. Since it was also Father’s Dad Weekend and I wanted to see my dad, I went along too. I’m not much of a camper, but I had fun – though getting there was a challenge.

I left early Saturday morning and headed to West Virginia and the state park they had picked out. I had a printed map to get me started and switched over to the GPS when I got into WV. It was terribly foggy most of the way and made for a really surreal drive. At one point I looked ahead and saw a barn coming out at me out of the fog. It was just a shed being transported by a truck slower than I was going, but still weird.

The GPS took me down a long, one lane road with the river on one side and houses and fences on the other. When it finally cleared, the GPS told me I was at the campground – but my brother-in-law had given me some supplemental directions that took me the rest of the way. So, I had The Mist and Mrs. Todd’s Shortcut. One more Stephen King reference and I would have turned around, but I made it to the campsite and met up with my family.

We got a tent set up for me and had some lunch, then played games and enjoyed the quiet of the day. My nieces needed naps and the river was too wild anyway, so we mostly just stayed near the camp that afternoon. Dad fixed chicken over the fire for dinner and my nieces played on the playground equipment. For Father’s Day, I got my Dad a copy of Fahrenheit 451, that I hid in a fake book that I decorated to look like Fahrenheit 451. Yeah, I’m a little silly. I headed to bed around 10 and had a little trouble settling in. I woke up around 4:30 and made my way to the restrooms – and nearly ran into my Mom coming back from there. I must have heard her get up from the other tent and that woke me enough that I needed to get up.

In the morning, I went to put on my shoes that had been sitting outside the test (mistake!) and a spider the size of a chicken crawled out of one of them. I yelped loud enough to wake up my dad and startle my mom and managed to get rid of it – I hope.

We had french toast for breakfast and were just starting to break camp when the rain started. I had already packed up my few things in my car and I tried to help my brother-in-law with their pop-up camper. Mostly, though, I held my youngest niece and kept her out of the rain since I didn’t know where anything went. The rain settled down just as we were finishing up packing and instead of trying to get lunch there, we headed out and stopped at Eat-n-Park. From there, we said our goodbyes and I fired up the GPS again. This time, it took me through PA and still more odd roads before I got back to Ohio and familiar ground.

Still not really a camper, but I had a nice time.

This past week, one of the committees I’m on had a meeting with the president of the university. We were all pretty nervous and tried to come up with questions to ask. Since we didn’t really have enough, I suggested that the chair of the group set the tone and guide us through the questions we did have for the president. That didn’t really work as he went around the table anyway. I had enough time to prep a serious question – about the state higher education funding model – and then a not serious one. I told him I liked the changes to the campus, especially the labyrinth – but I was wondering if we were going to get a Minotaur?

He laughed out loud (yea, me!) and someone near me asked “what is a Minotaur?”. Then the president suggested I send an email to the VP for Facilities planning.

It was a good tension breaker since we were all kinda down about the budget issues the university has had recently.

This weekend, I did some work around the house – mostly just organizing and some cleaning. I got a lot done – though you can’t really tell it from looking. I ran some more errands today and then decided to take myself out to dinner. I was by myself with a good book and even in the raucous crowd of people near me, I managed to carve out a little peace and quiet – even if just in my own head.

Finally, my last big project for the weekend has been to attempt to replace the air cleaner in my heating/cooling system since it’s been about a billion degrees today. I’ve never done this before, but the instructions looked reasonable and I picked up with I thought/hoped would be the right one. I got it home, started to install it, and… it doesn’t fit. Of course. And it’s really no wonder – I was guessing at the correct size. And they had tons of different options and sizes. How about this, consumer product engineers, how about you quit screwing around and stop inventing new sizes for things that don’t need to be special? If you wanna put magic gossamer pixie mucus in there and change 10x as much – go for it. But make it the same freaking size as all the other ones – okay?

I’ve got my receipt and I’ll return it tomorrow, but it’s going to be a little toasty in here tonight.

Oh, and one last story about Thunder(cat). He’s a playful cat, but he does like to attack me still – his version of ‘play’ I guess. Recently, while I was making dinner, he came up and clawed at my ankle. He startled and hurt me, so I yelped and jumped. Which in turn freaked him out and he jumped too. And hit his head on the cabinet door. I heard the “thunk” and then he walked a few steps and stopped, then shook his head. I could almost hear him say, “just shake it off, thunder, you meant to do that. Be cool,”

I finished up 100 miles in the pool this week. Halfway to my goal, but slightly behind schedule. I’ll make it up in the fall when the pool opens back up on weekends – or when I eventually go on vacation. It’s gotten much easier to do a mile, but it still takes a chunk of time of my day when I would usually rather be playing video games. But every so often I get just the right combination of rest, food, time, and energy and the laps just slide on by effortlessly.

Last weekend, I got invited to a pool party. The water was really too cold for much swimming and only two of the other adults got in the water – and only for a short time. The kids that were there, however, couldn’t get enough of the water and I was in there with them most of the time. I discovered the key to swimming with a bunch of kids in a relatively small pool.

1. Go underwater a lot. You are less likely to have a pool toy thrown in the face that way.
2. When you go underwater, be prepared with twice as much oxygen as you think you’ll actually need. This is handy when you get stepped on or kicked in the head.
3. If there is a pile up in a corner, stay underwater and wait it out. If you try to escape, you’re likely to kick a kid and suddenly you’re the bad guy.
4. Somebody is going to cry at some point. Try not to let it be you.

I think everyone had fun and one of the kids decided I was his new best friend. This was because I pulled him around on the pool float for what may well have been 100 years and then later folded him a paper crane. Kids are easy.

My allergies are, I think, a real thing. But I can’t really say that with 100% certainty. I tried to do a small experiment to see if the prescription that my doctor gave me was really helping by taking the pills (labeled in a sinister manner as RX724) through the week, and skipping the weekend. I sneezed my brains out over the weekend, but I was also outside a lot more. Through the week, I’m indoors and partially underground with no windows.

And that, actually, is starting to get to me.

Just took my pill for the day and the idea that I have to be on drugs to just feel normal – or as close as I will ever get – really bothers me.  Also, the walls here feel like they are closing in, but I suspect the meds are not related to that.

In other news… had a couple of odd instances with my GPS. I downloaded some new voices for the GPS since the preprogrammed ones were getting a little snippy with me. So, the GPS now has a voice labeled Jack and he’s been trying to help with my abysmal sense of direction. On one trip back to Akron, we changed the settings to Avoid Highways – in order to get past some construction on the roads. Jack didn’t like that, apparently. He took me and my passenger through some rough sections of Akron in order to prove that point – always keeping the highway in sight, but still avoiding it. It was almost comical if it hadn’t been so un-nerving. We got back to familiar ground and turned off the Avoid Highways setting.

Not long after that we were out in Lodi and off the beaten path. Rather than head back towards the highway, we set out in the general direction of home and fired up the GPS. Rather than take us back to the highway, Jack directed us to the middle of Nowhere and then on beyond Nowhere. We made it home, but I remain convinced that Jack was ticked that he keeps having to bail us out.

In video game news… I finished Dishonored with a high level of chaos. The first time through, I played Low Chaos. This involved sneaking around and trying not to kill people – including the main targets that were removed from power through other means. High Chaos is massively more violent and fun in it’s own way. The ending of the game played in High Chaos was disappointing – one final guy dispatched as easily as any other character and then… roll credits. Still a really fun game and maybe more fun than Bioshock Infinite – though the storyline is weaker.

Finally, an odd encounter at Chipotle. And I’m going to be as delicate as I can with this re-telling. There was a… full-figured… woman standing in front of us in line. She was wearing a top that was far too small for her and it was also cut far too low. Her breasts were mounding out the top of the nearly horizontal opening of her top and – because there was no musculature there to support them – the vertical mound that came out of her top moved independently of the rest of her body.  Think  jello balanced on, well, anything that moves randomly.  The result is a whole lotta jiggle.

It was disturbing. And very difficult not to stare at. The thing that really struck me was that – at some point in the day – she put on this top and decided that it was what she was going to wear. It’s not like she could have failed to notice the problem.

I didn’t say anything to her as I was clearly not in her weight-class and planned on enjoying my burrito without a side of whoop-ass. Which I would have earned since there was nothing I could have said that wouldn’t have demanded swift and painful retribution.

I like dogs. And children. I think both species are a lot of fun and I enjoy being an uncle to both – provided that I don’t have to have any real responsibility while they are in my care. Other than the standard “death/injury prevention”. Along with this is a fairly strict “no-poop” clause that I’ve been able to maintain for a number of years.

However, having a pet of my own means that this no-poop clause is no longer viable.

I am now responsible for someone else’s poop.

Just like work.

Ha! I kill me.

And let me tell you, that cat can poop. I haven’t taken official measurements, but I’m pretty sure he is excreting more than he takes in. Which, I know, should be impossible.

However, giving the staggering amount I find in his litter box, my only conclusion is that he is somehow tapping into an alternative dimensional source for this “dark matter”. I’ll post another update once I’ve done some SCIENCE!
In other news… when I was a kid we had some really amazing ground cover in part of the yard. It had purple and green leaves and was very springy – especially on small bare feet. My mom always called it CPS – Creeping Purple Stuff. Turns out – not the official name. I’ve been looking for this since I’ve got my own yard and finally figured out what it is.

Ajuga reptans

Might make for an interesting experiment in my yard – provided I can keep it under control. Or I can try and mutate it so that it can pilot a giant fighting robot in the shape of a lizard. Hey, it’s not the weirdest idea I’ve come up with today.

Work news… Much of the same, except that a couple of my colleagues started talking about a Time Machine function for the website. This would give us a snapshot of the whole website at set intervals. The cool bit was how they immediately defered to me on any Time Travel related decisions – since I’ve the resident Master of Space and Time. We aren’t far enough along in the project for me to request the proper permits, but I’m glad they included me.

Finally, over the weekend, I mowed my yard. And while I guess I don’t really mind it, I apparently have developed some speculator allergies. I nearly knocked myself over sneezing a few times. I took some meds today and I’m alright now, but I wonder if – given the amount of mucus I was producing – I might be developing a super power. If I expose myself to more allergens I might be able to produce super-human levels of mucus – or convert INTO mucus. That would be awesome and – admittedly – really gross.

I got elected as the Vice-Chair to the Staff Employee Advisory Committee last week. Ran unopposed, which I’m choosing to take as a compliment from my peers rather than “nobody else wanted to do it”. I’ve got some ideas for the committee and lots of work to do there, but I think it will be worth it.

On Friday, met up with some friends for coffee and a late dinner at Wally Waffle. I had a chicken sandwich and it was just “okay”. Maybe the waffles are amazing, I couldn’t tell you.

On Saturday, up bright and early to hit the pool. Except it was closed and I didn’t realize it until I had already gotten there. I even tried at the RecCenter and they wouldn’t let me in without a membership – though I’ve done this before when the main pool was closed. I was disappointed; I had hoped to get caught up a little or at least hold my ground since the pool would be closed for memorial day.

Instead, went to the Bomb Shelter in Akron. This is a really weird and cool store – like the basements and attics of some interesting people all rolled into one warehouse. I hit some serious sensory overload but managed to get out of there having only bought a circuit board master and some spoons for a wind-chime. I’ll totally have to go back there one of these days.

On Sunday, dinner with friends at the Golden Dragon. The sushi was excellent, but the orange chicken left something to be desired. I also started getting a hellacious migraine while we were eating. I managed to get through dinner, turned over my keys to my friend, and got myself to a darkened room as quickly as possible. I got up briefly to throw up, then back to bed to sleep it off. Haven’t had one of these in a while – wish I knew what triggered them.

On Monday, brunch at Bob Evans – which was an intense experience. Never been to a Bob Evans that was this busy. I guess it was the holiday and the poor weather. Next stop was Gamestop where I picked up BioShock Infinite. I played that a bit on Monday, then went back to Dishonored to cause some more mayhem. Did some reading and hung out with the cat – then got some pizza hut.

A busy weekend, though I would have preferred – like every other Ohioan – to be outside for memorial day.