Thunder of Wade

Went to the final ballet in the park this weekend. It was… uneven. Started out with a terrible vending experience. In line forever, over-priced soda in a can, and the vending maven was reluctant to give me change. When the show started, I was pretty excited. The first “act” was a kodo style drummer. Really impressive. There was another dancer that did a Capoeira style dance. And another that did a lively dance all over the stage in a shaggy costume. But the rest…

The dancers also sang, but not well. The other dances were uneven and disjointed. And there was way too much tap – including a tap off. Also a spoken word that was terribly out of place.

And the crowd was terrible. Someone lit a cigar. Another took photos. And the three women behind us would not shut up. I finally got up and told them that their voices were carrying. Which was nicer than they deserved.

The show went on and on. And the evening got chilly.

I was cranky – and admitted that to the people I was with. So, I adapted to the cold by taking off my shirt – mind over temp – and I adapted to being cranky by calming myself down. Well, as much as I could.

When we left, some older woman in a Buick tried to cut us off. I swore in her general direction – which didn’t help but made me feel a little better.

I had a coke to help with a headache while I was there and that interfered when I eventually did try to go to sleep. Not a great evening overall – but it didn’t turn me completely off the ballet.

Today, we hung out with my former co-worker and his super awesome family. We had lunch and then worked on some projects – including mounting his 50 inch TV to the wall. He explained that the brackets that came with the mount that weren’t long enough to fit his TV. So, we would need to cut a board, mount that to the TV, then mount the bracket to the board and to the wall. He got the board cut at his neighbors and we drilled holes in the board to get ready for the bolts. We needed new longer bolts so we went to the hardware store. Then back again because we had the wrong size. The holes had to be drilled out to make them fit the TV.

Finally, it was time to mount the board to the TV. We realized that the bracket was in two pieces – and the extra piece would make it long enough to fit the TV.

We didn’t need the bolts, either trip to the hardware store, the board – any of it. In a matter of a few minutes, we had mounted the TV to the wall. Total waste of time – but we still had fun. 🙂

Went to the ballet again last weekend and this was a much better performance. Or, at least, more engaging. I doubt I’m even approaching being an accurate judge of this sort of thing – but it was more fun. The downside? People in the crowd. We had folks that got there late and tried to sit in the front. Folks on scooters that nearly ran others over as they jockeyed for position. Two women and at least one kid sitting behind us that would not stop talking. And one woman brought her two dogs with her and they would not shut up.

Pro-tip: Dogs don’t appreciate ballet. Please make a note of that.

Speaking of animals, I’ve got a groundhog living in my backyard. Or if he’s not living there, he’s a frequent visitor. I can see him from my office window on the second floor of my house – Thunder(cat) is fascinated by him as well. The groundhog tends to hang out near the garage, but on one occasion tried to climb the weeds near my pine tree. Apparently he forgot that a) You can’t climb a weed since they won’t support the weight of a groundhog (and “hog” does not imply light-weight”) and b) “ground” hogs are not climbers.

He seemed embarrassed when the weed fell over and took off for a while.

In other news… I’ve been playing quite a bit of Minecraft. Here’s one sequence of actions I did:

Chopped down a tree to get wood. Crafted the wood to planks and the planks to sticks. Used the sticks and planks to craft a pickax. Used the pickax to mine stone. Used the stone and the sticks to make a sword. Used the sword to kill a spider (big spider!) and gathered string. Used the string and sticks to make a fishing rod. Used the fishing rod to catch a fish. Used the fish to lure and tame an ocelot and turn it into a pet cat.

The virtual cat followed me back to my virtual castle and moved in. He’s a lot like my real cat in that he gets into stuff and can teleport.

However, my real cat is confused. The cat in the game will meow and Thunder(cat) will walk back and forth between the speakers to try and find the “other cat”. After a few tries at this, he stopped and looked at me – then went to another room.

Thunder(cat) was not amused.

I got invited to the ballet in the park last weekend – or rather, ballet in the cemetery. I’ve been there before and it is as cool as it is creepy. It’s also rife with mosquitoes. So, prior to heading out, my friend and I put on some Deep Woods Off. Having seen him put on spray on suntan lotion, I cautioned him against spraying his face directly because if he got it in his eyes he would “cry forever”. I sprayed some DWO in his hands and he wiped it on his face – and promptly got some in his eyes.

I helped him back into the house and got him some wet paper towels so he could wipe his eyeballs off. Later, he would tell people that I maced him. I’m pretty sure I did the opposite of that with my warning and he sort of maced himself.

Anyway, off to the cemetery and the ballet.

Aaaaand, I didn’t get it.

I tried, I really did. Yea, Culture! But it didn’t work. Neither the costumes, the title of the piece, nor the movements told any kind of story. And while the dancers were very athletic and had some interesting movements, they also repeated those moves over and over. I kinda tuned out a little – though I didn’t read a book or look at my phone.

I did like the pants they wore, though.

The second act was much the same as the first – though this time they wore shorts and did an inverted bicycle move quite a bit. The third act – which we had been cautioned was rated “PG” (it wasn’t) – was a little more lively, but still…

Am I too comic-book, video-gamed, sci-fi-ed, to appreciate the ballet? Or was it just not that great?

Oh, and insult to injury? The concession stand ran out of candy before the third act. The Nerve!  And even though I had marinated in DWO – I got a mosquito bite on my cheek.

No wonder I didn’t enjoy it. The walk back to the car was kinda fun though – a few of us pretended to be zombies. And I got compliments on my lurching. What can I say? I practice.

My new computer came in last week and I spent a little time this past weekend getting it set up. It’s a windows 8/Dell machine and to my surprise it doesn’t suck quite as much as expected. I was able to get to the internet and play minecraft – and that’s all I needed at the start. It’s way faster than my old machine and very quiet.

Also over the weekend I went for a hike with my friend and his dogs.

I had control of one of the dogs – and by “control” I mean that I had one of the leash and the other was attached to the dog’s collar.  We did well going up the uneven terrain of the hill, but poorly going back down.

The dog pulled me at one point when I wasn’t prepared and down I went. I’m pretty sure I pulled off a really impressive roll at some point in the fall and ended up flat on my back – with my head further down the hill than my feet. I managed to hang onto the leash and the dogs were all over me. Finally got the dogs away from me and really… all I wanted to do was lay there for a minute.

But I got up and assessed the damage. My hands were dirty, but the skin was unbroken. My back was dirty too. My knee fared worst of all – I had some blood running down my leg. I rinsed it off with some water, checked to see if I could still move it properly, and I took one of the dogs again as we headed out.

I got my knee cleaned up when I got home. What had looked like a terrible injury was really just a small scrape – easily covered with a single band-aid. My knee is a little sore today, but I’m walking fine and will hit the pool this afternoon as I do every weekday.

Went to bed with a headache last night and still had it when I woke up at 3 am to use the bathroom. I took some advil and went back to bed. While I was trying to go back to sleep, Thunder(cat) hopped up onto the bed and we settled in for a game of “Don’t startle the cat”. He lay partly on my chest and purred for all he was worth while he got comfortable. The purring settles down as he settles, but if he gets startled – by anything, really – he revs back up. Which means I have to be pretty much motionless. I was almost asleep when he got up to go do whatever it is that cats do at night – and then fell the rest of the way asleep shortly after that.

Saturday morning I drove down to visit my sister and her family for my youngest niece’s 1st birthday. It rained the entire drive down and the GPS sent me down a very thoroughly closed road, but I made it to their house okay. They had my folks and some friends over for dinner and a small party – the birthday girl really enjoyed her cupcake. I stayed the night with them and most of Sunday as well. The girls got a playset that could be filled with water and they both really enjoyed that. It was also an effective bribe to get the older to participate in the family photos that were being taken.

I stayed for pizza and then headed home. I’m not sure if it was the pizza or some bad chips, but my stomach and my head bothered me most of the way home. I stopped and got some unsweetened tea and that helped, though it would later bother me trying to sleep.

I got home, checked in, and paid a couple of bills before heading upstairs to bed.

And made a discovery.

Sometime over the weekend, Thunder(cat) had his own stomach issues. And threw up on the floor in the upstairs hallway. I got some rubber gloves and cleaned it up without too much trouble. Not a big deal, but I could have done without it.

Took my shower, shaved, and went to bed.

And kept waking up. Must have been 5-6 times – only once was a bathroom related necessity. Thunder(cat) wanted to snuggle so that helped. I’m guessing it was the caffeine right before bed that was the problem. I didn’t have trouble falling back asleep, it just didn’t last long.

I finally gave up around 5:30 and got up to go into work – with a stop at the post office on the way.

Good weekend, but going to be a long day.

I’m not a fan of heights. Like, at all. Frankly, I wish I was a little bit shorter sometimes. I don’t like ladders, have no interest in cleaning my gutters or putting up Christmas lights, and glass elevators are just stupid. “Oh, look at the view,” you say. I reply, “Oh, hell no,”

So, today, I have a meeting in the Polymer Building on campus on the third floor. I rarely take the elevator if I can avoid it, but as I started up the stairs I realized my error. These stairs are right out in the middle of the floor plan, no risers, open metal rails and open on the sides. In short, horrible.

I got up the first flight without too much trouble and by the middle of the second I was walking in the middle of the stairs and gripping the railings on both sides. I also thought I was going to have to blog about this if I survived it. (Done!)

At the top of the second floor, I nearly gave up. The vertigo had kicked in, my palms were sweating and my hands hurt from clenching the railings, and my stomach was doing odd things.

I paused for a moment, whispered to myself, “Do it, you whiny little bitch,” and forged ahead the rest of the way up the stairs. (I guess I’m kinda harsh with myself.) Which took me to a walkway that was open on either side – well, there was a half wall there, but still – and I walked down the middle of that to my meeting.

When the meeting was over, I had a decision to make. Stairs back down or elevator?

There was a moment to marshal my courage, then a whispered, “F*ck it”.

I took the stairs.

Which was better in a way because I was working my way towards the ground. (Yea!) And worse because I could see just how high up I was. (Shit!)

I didn’t kiss the ground when I finally arrived there. I just unclenched my hands and my jaw and went back to my office – on the first floor and partially underground. Ah, semi-dark and enclosed bliss.

I have long been a believer that you can’t conquer a fear of heights standing on the ground. You have to face your fears sometimes or you can’t get past them. I’m still scared of heights, but I maybe made a little progress today.

I recently opened a tumblr account – you can find it here:

http://thunderofwade.tumblr.com/

Mostly going to be art projects I’ve done or had a hand in. I may eventually clean up my website and move some of those photos over, but this will do for now. If I’ve set it up right, anything new there should also show up on facebook.

And I’ve been busier on twitter recently.

https://twitter.com/aws699

Each tweet is a haiku – which is tougher than it sounds – and I’ve apparently inspired other haiku writers. I like the challenge and the inherent simplicity in each one. Those too are showing up on facebook – weird how I’m not really that social in “real” life, but I’m doing okay on line.

Today, after my swim, I came home and mowed and trimmed the yard. Then I came in and brushed Thunder(cat) while dinner was cooking. (and by cooking, I mean boiling water for pasta). This evening, after my shower, I shaved my beard and I’m considering a little manscaping. Seems like a trend for the evening. Hey, sometimes a guy just wants to be a little tidy, you know?

Too much info?

Anyway, back to a safer topic. A new computer! I finally made my decision and ordered a new Dell from Best Buy. It should be here in about a week – well, at the store where I can pick it up – and I should be able to use my existing big-ass monitor. It’ll take me a bit to de-crapify all the pre-installed junkware – including the “free” trial of Microsoft Office. No thanks, I’m a Google man when given a choice.  Then, Minecraft and Diablo 3.  I may never leave the house again.

In other news… Time Warner Cable has been desperately trying to get a hold of me. They’ve called every day for about a week and when I answer, there’s a beep and a click and then the call drops. Finally, they got through to me last night on my way to dinner and told me they would call me back.

They called today and I picked up just to get it over with. The guy did his speech and then told me they were offering home phone service and when would I like to have this installed next week? I told him I was fine with my cell phone only and didn’t need it – he then went on to explain about how the 911 was so awesome and it was a great back up. And when would I like schedule the installation appointment next week?

My dander got all riled up I told him that it didn’t make sense to pressure me for an appointment when I hadn’t agreed to the phone service – and that I wouldn’t be agreeing to it since I had already told him I didn’t need it or the pointless expense and wasn’t interested.

I tried not to take it out on him. Not his fault – he’s got a script and I’m guessing a really aggressive supervisor. Makes me wonder if the people that create the scripts ever end up on the receiving end.

Anyway, we ended the call and I went back to work. He had to know it wasn’t going to work – he called me on a cell phone and if I really needed a home phone I would already have it.    Annoying.

Finally, got some disconcerting news at work recently. A few of my colleagues have been “non-renewed” out of their contracts as part of a work-force reduction. It was one thing when the numbers dropped from retirement, but another when it’s from the other side and not voluntary. My classification and position make me “safer”, but it’s kind of a turning point for us.

So, one more day of work from what has felt like the longest week on record. Time to wrap this up and head for bed.

Had a horrible nightmare last night – straight out of HP Lovecraft. I was in a house with stairs that led down to a series of sub-basements. There were two sets of stairs leading down from the first floor – if you took the “clockwise” set, you were fine. If you took the “counter-clockwise” set, then you would be shunted into another dimension and these giant eyeballs with tentacles would reach down from the walls and sting you like a jellyfish. I knew that the counter-clockwise stairs were dangerous, but I couldn’t convince anyone else. Finally, I gave up and led an expedition down – knowing it was a one way trip. We got past the eyeball-jellyfish and the next floor was deserted – but one more flight down and something horrible overwhelmed us. I don’t remember what it was, but it was fatal.

I woke up, was grateful that the bathroom is on the same floor as my bedroom, peed (in the bathroom, though I considered just wetting the bed so I didn’t have to get up), and went back to bed and eventually sleep.

I haven’t read anything really scary in a while – not sure where this came from.

In other news… I was remarking to one of my friends the other day that I had hauled ass in the pool in one session and had a leisurely swim another – with a shorter time when I was leisurely swimming. Didn’t really make sense to me – he remarked that maybe I wasn’t going as fast I thought I was on the hauling ass day. I replied,

“Maybe. Or maybe someone changed the dimensions of the pool overnight,”

He looked at me for a moment and asked, “do you really believe that someone could do that?”

I shrugged and replied that it was no more improbable than Leprechauns or aliens or time travel or ghosts. (ed note: the first time I tried to type Leprechauns, it spell-checked to Republicans. Which, in context, is hilarious)

I guess I pretty much believe in everything – I just don’t take things that can’t be proved with science very seriously (like Republicans – I mean, Leprechauns).  I mean, why not? It’s all just varying degrees of improbability anyway. Makes things much more interesting.

Which leads me to a project I worked on last night. I spent a little time “lacquering my magic wand”.

…

No, not like that. I actually do have a magic wand (made of wood, naturally – zing!) that is part of my Armory of Unlikely Weapons. Lightsaber, sonic screwdriver, Ocarina of Time, Blue Lantern Power Ring, the Grasscutter, etc.

Anyway, I had found an interestingly shaped twig, removed the bark and stained it – but never got around to lacquering it. So, I did that last night.

Then I played a game on my phone for a bit and stopped to check facebook – which apparently made the power go out. When I closed the app, the power came back on a few moments later. When I tried it again, blink! power goes out.

I took that as a sign and went to bed.
In Thunder(cat) news… A few days ago I was sitting on the couch and out of the corner of my eye I saw a cat-shaped and cat-colored object leap into the air, do a flip, and then totally stick the landing. Thunder had been chasing a fly, I think, when he pulled off this amazing feat.

I turned to him and said, “That was f*cking awesome!” He licked his paw nonchalantly and gave me a look as if to say, “That was nothing, I do flips like that all the time when you aren’t home. I’m a cat, stupid,”  And then he walked away.

I could have done without the attitude, but it was still impressive.

Finally, just finished the book, “Let’s pretend this never happened,” by Jenny Lawson – also known as the The Blogess.

Amazing, moving, hilarious, and surprisingly deep. I highly recommend it to anyone who isn’t bothered by frequent f-Bombs – Jenny drops a lot of them. 🙂

Anyway, here’s the link to her blog – go check it out and enjoy.

http://thebloggess.com/

I got an envelope in the mail from Universal Exports and my first thought was – “holy shit, that’s the pretend company from the James Bond movies!”

I thought sure it was a recruitment letter. I mean, I’m good with computers, I own several swords and I’m totally fine wearing a speedo. Clearly, I’m ready to replace Bond when he retires. Granted, I’m not British, but how tough can it be to fake an accent?

Tea and Crumpets! See, I’m ready.

But it wasn’t a recruitment letter. Instead, it was the bumper sticker I’d ordered from Amazon.com for my car of a swimming logo. Kind of a letdown, actually.

In other news… When I was a kid, we didn’t get sugar cereals very often. It was usually cheerios, honey nut cheerios or hot cereal – shredded wheat for my sister (I’m still astonished that people consider that “food”) and oatmeal for me.

But now I’m a grown-up – or at least I can pass for one based on my height and gray hair – and I can make my own breakfast decisions. So, not long ago, I bought myself a box of Cookie Crisp.

Except I don’t eat cereal for breakfast. Bowl, spoon, cereal, milk – who has time for that? I’d have to get up 4 minutes earlier to accommodate “breakfast” and that’s just not going to happen. I’m doing well if the fiber bar and poptart make it into the morning sequence.

So, the box of Cookie Crisp sat on my counter – un-opened – for a week. Until I had a revelation.

Little cookies, right? And I have a recently emptied cookie jar.

BAM! I filled the cookie jar with Cookie Crisp cereal. Genius!

Because THAT is how I roll.

Haters gonna hate. Holla! Or something.

It actually works pretty well. The cookie jar is sufficiently difficult to open that I don’t grab a handful every time I walk in the kitchen – and I can eat 20 “cookies” at once and not make myself sick.  Which I’ve done.  No regrets.

Not exactly earth-shaking, but we have to make our own fun, right?

Finally, I have learned two new behaviors from my cat:

1. Get dressed in the closet. Thunder(cat) loves to hang out in my clothes closet and tries to get in there whenever I open the door. Since I don’t want to trap him in there when I go to work, I have to force him out when I’m done getting my clothes. This pisses him off and I try to avoid that. So, the last few mornings I’ve actually gone into the closet and shut the door. There’s a light in there and plenty of room – but I’m essentially hiding from my cat when I get dressed in the morning. I clearly need to find another solution.

2. Don’t step over him with bare legs. I did that last night and for something that short –  he’s got an amazing reach. He reached up with a front paw, claws fully extended, and nailed me. One moment I’m just trying to get across the living room and the next I’ve got blood running down my leg. In addition to the salt I need to carry around to ward off slugs, I also need to start carrying some disinfectant.

Little Furry Bastard.

I got the bathroom in the basement cleared and the floor dried. I’ll need to scrub it soon – the water left dirt behind – but it’s usable. The rest of the basement is nearly dry as well – I had left a fan and de-humidifier running last night down there. The basement is still a mess and I’ve got some re-configuring in mind in case I get more water down there, but things are approaching normal again. Chalk it up to a big ass storm; I was really lucky that it was just a little water.

The slugs have made a retreat as well. I only saw three this morning on the fence and the concrete – which means:
a). The rest left to continue with their own sluggy lives and sluggy business – and these few remaining were just behind schedule.
b). The rest are regrouping with these left behind as observers of my movements.
c). The rest are already in my house and hiding – waiting for the right moment to strike based on some kind of signal from these three.

I’m guessing C.

Also, I promise this is the last slug-related post – unless they make their move.    One of my friends suggested that I might be a victim of a “slugeoning” at some point.  I’m going to start carrying a packet of salt with me – just in case.