Thunder of Wade

It’s cold tonight and I sit with a warm cup of tea and my computer. Feeling a little melancholy, but maybe a little hopeful.

One of Jim’s colleagues lost their partner suddenly to a heart attack. She found him on the couch one morning after he had died in the night. She was shaken and grieving – and wasn’t get support from his family or her own.

I had given one of the monster wreathes to Jim and he had it hanging in his office at work – he thought it was silly, but fun. She told him that she would come down to his office just to see it since it made her smile. And it sounded like not much was doing that.

Hearing this, I bought some paper and googly eyes and made her a monster of her own.

I had Jim take it in and sent a card along expressing my condolences.

She replied with a happy email thanking me and sharing that she had this hanging on her office wall and smiled every time she looked at it. And that her partner had done origami and tried to make 1000 cranes for his niece. The legend tells that a gift like this is a wish for a long and happy life to the recipient – but he didn’t get to finish them.

I’ve never met her and in the course of things may not ever. I didn’t know her partner or anything about him.

But, there was a connection. And a chance to lessen someone’s grief, even if only in a small way and for a little while.

—
I found out that one of my former colleagues passed away suddenly over the holidays. She was one of the nicest and sunniest people I’ve ever met and I was sorry to see her leave the university – and sorrier still to hear about her passing.

I also found out that my uncle’s passing was somehow worse that we had first thought. It was dark and…well, unthinkable.

And death has been in the news with many celebrities passing suddenly and the ever present tragedy of lives cut short through violence.

And nothing we can do about so many of these.
But, with a little bit of paper and some good intentions, I helped at least one person get through a difficult time.

It’s not much, but it’s enough.

I’ve written before about the idea that we might be living in a computer simulation, but the time off work and the weird books I’ve been reading had gotten me thinking about it again.

I’ve been wondering about dreams.

I had a dream the other night that a toilet suddenly overflowed with snakes. Most were harmless, but I managed to pin a king cobra – fangs first – into a mattress. It occurred to me that we could use some time travel to prevent this, but it went wrong and in the new reality the cobra bit me in my arm. I killed the snake with a hammer and then wrapped up the bite. Later, I was at a party in an apartment complex that reminded me of the Destiny’s Child “Say My Name” video. I found a room where the conversation had faltered and told the people there about the bite. It occurred to me that I should check the wound so I unwrapped it and checked it out.  The bite had caused a massive infection and the tissues were necrotic and sloughing off.  If there was a smell, it would have been terrible, I’m sure.  I cleared the dishes out of the sink and stuck my arm under the water to at least wash it off.

And then I woke up – and checked my arm.  (I’m fine, by that way.)

So – how would dreams fit into a simulated reality?  If there’s a player playing the decidedly boring “Game of Anthony” – would they perceive my dreams?  Is it like some strange YouTube video?  A pop-up ad?  I can’t figure…  unless the simulation is powerful enough that a simulated computer (i.e. my brain) can in turn run it’s own simulation?

It’s possible now to build a working computer inside the Minecraft game using only the built-in tools, so the idea is somewhat plausible.

So, if we don’t really exist and are just part of a massive computer simulation – which would explain 2016 pretty handedly – what does our future hold?  On the one hand, I feel like maybe I should try to be a little more interesting for my player – and if they don’t exist, then at least a little more interesting for me.  On the other, maybe I’m just in some idle game – earning coins by repeating the same tasks over and over…

Shit.  That’s exactly what I’m doing.  I’m in an idle/tap game on some trans-dimensional entity’s smart phone.

I’m going to go log off now.

I had a dream the other night that I was in a “lending bookstore” and was drawn to a specific shelf and a specific book. It was a huge paperback book set up like a concordance for a massive series. I flipped through it, was fascinated by it, and decided I was either going to buy it or check it out.

And then I woke up.

I was awake just long enough to wonder what the title was, then fell back asleep and went right back into the dream. I managed to find the book again and this time I flipped it over to see the cover: The Ipswitch Compendium. I realized I was sleep when I thought I’d like to try to find this in the real world.

When I woke up again, I got up to write down what I remembered from the dream – including the sticker on the cover that listed the replacement value at $306.00

And before I went back to bed it occurred to me that using someone else’s dream would be a great place to hide something. And I wondered who had hidden this very interesting book in my dream.

The next day I looked up Ipswitch and realized where I had seen the name before. Instead of some mythical land – perhaps something from H.P. Lovecraft – it’s actually the name of a software company that made an FTP program.

So, a little disappointing. But a great idea for a story of my own.

—————————

The cold weather has dropped the air pressure in my tires low enough to trigger the “one or more of your tires is low on pressure but I can’t be bothered to tell you which one or ones” warning on my dashboard.

So, when I got done with work and dinner, I stopped by a local gas station that has a free air-pump.

I waited in line while the woman with a van in front of me got air in her tires. She messed around it with for awhile, then got in and pulled away.

I pulled my car up as another car pulled in behind me – then set the pressure and started the pump. It reported low pressure on the first tire, tried gamely to increase it, then gave up with an error message on the display. I tried it again and got the same error – then I gave up too.
Instead of pulling away right away, I went to car behind me to let them know it wasn’t working. The guy thanked me since I’d saved him the hassle – and we both headed out in different directions.

I went to another gas station and found the air pump – except this one wasn’t free. I glared at the pump and considered going some place else – but I was tired and just wanted the day to be done. So, I checked all the tires with my gauge, confirmed that all of them were about equally low – which actually seemed like a good thing – and then paid my $1.50 for 5 minutes of compressed air.

Sigh.

I was done in a couple minutes and the pump was pretty fast. I double checked all the tires when I was done to make sure I’d at least gotten my money’s worth – then I was on my way as the timer ticked down and shut off.

It’s kinda like buying dirt, I guess. Yeah, sometimes you need to it when you don’t have enough, but it just kinda ticked me off.

On the plus side, the warning light on my dashboard shut off.

I got a call from my sister earlier this week – my dad’s brother Roger took his own life recently. Roger – or Uncle Dodge, as we called him – had been estranged from most of the family for a long time. I don’t really know what caused it, other than some bits and pieces that didn’t quite add up, but it had been many years since I’d seen him or talked to him.

I didn’t really know him that well when I was growing up. In contrast to my dad, Uncle Dodge was kinda loud and intense – maybe a little intimidating, perhaps. We didn’t visit his family often and while his family visited with the rest of the relatives for holidays we didn’t seem to mesh. Or maybe that was just me – it was a long time ago.

My best memory of Uncle Dodge was when I was in college and spending the summer with my grandparents. He took me, his second wife, and my other uncle – and my uncle’s kids – on a rock climbing trip. And for not being a fan of heights, I had a good time – even managed to excel with my long limbs reaching some difficult handholds. It was a much different interaction than when I’d been a kid and I think we both appreciated each other a bit more.

Something happened over the years – still don’t know what – but when his second wife passed away, he didn’t tell anyone until after the funeral. And when my grandmother – his mother – passed away, he wasn’t at the funeral for her with the rest of the family. The same when my aunt – his sister – also passed away.

I bring those up not to paint him in a bad light – though it bothered me at the time. It just seems like, when a family is facing a crisis or a loss like that, this could have been a time for some kind of reconciliation.

And now it’s too late for that.

Being estranged from my uncle makes dealing with his passing both easier and more difficult. Other than a few bright spots from my memories, he was largely a stranger. But I could have done more, could have made more of an effort to reach out. Maybe I could have done something to help bring him back. Maybe.

I talked to my Dad to see how he was doing. He’s tough to read, but I know he’s troubled. We don’t know if there will be a funeral and I didn’t even know what state he was living in – turns out, Florida.

I’m sorry that things turned out as they did and that my uncle found himself in that dark place. And I wonder what we could have done to have things turn out differently for him.

—-

The University of Akron experienced a loss of our own recently – a student accidentally stabbed and killed his room-mate. Reports indicate they were both intoxicated and there was an argument over fast food. Every report mentioned that part – I don’t know if it was in an effort to diminish what happened or that everyone was so incredulous that something so trivial could lead to those consequences.

I didn’t know either of these kids – though I found out one of my student assistants knew them both. She’s struggling to just keep going – finals are next week and her mother had been fighting cancer.

I tried to offer her some kind words and support, but it’s hard to know what to say. Even though I didn’t know either of the kids, they were still part of the UA family and to see such potential lost is deeply saddening. Both for the one that is no longer with us – and missing his graduation – and for the one in a jail cell with his life destroyed.

——

So, feeling a little lost this week. Both my uncle’s death and that of the UA student were at a remove, but no less troubling.

I guess this should make me appreciate what I have and the family and friends around me, but instead I just feel kind of empty and a little numb.

I’ll have some time off around the holidays and it will be good to spent time with my family. There will lights and laughter – warm homes and warm hearts.

But for now I feel for those in the cold and the dark. And wonder if the fates could have been swayed.

The other evening, I had just gotten back from not destroying anyone’s soul while christmas shopping when I noticed that my neighbor was out raking leaves. It was dark and she was working by the light of the street lamp – using a box to scoop up the leaves into a trashbag.

I parked my car, took in my purchases, then went back out with a shovel and rake and offered to help. Seems her tree drops the leaves all at once, but usually not until after the city does leaf pick up in our area.

With better tools, we made short work of the pile in front of her house – then went down the street a couple houses to get the rest of the leafs that had settled there. After a bit the owner of that house came out and with the three of us we finished up that pile too.

So, a small good deed and getting to meet the neighbors. I like to think it balances out the terrible things I was thinking about people at Target. Really, people? You gotta take up the whole aisle with your cart?

——————————

This morning, I was up bright and early to head over to the Ronald McDonald house to volunteer. This is for a committee at work and while we were supposed to have 4 volunteers, only three people signed up. And then one person canceled this morning.

So, it was me and my co-chair cleaning the entire facility. Mopping, moving furniture, wiping down tables and chairs, vacuuming – the works. We were well organized and worked very quickly and very efficiently. In two hours, we were exhausted, but done. The staff there were impressed and we headed out – and I went to eat lunch at mcdonald’s.

I’m glad we were able to help out, but I kinda wish the rest of the committee would be more involved.  I think we’re going to try and do more on-campus volunteering – hoping that gets a better participation rate.

The Wayne College branch of The University of Akron is going to have a Maker Faire in May of 2017. There will be vendors and booths for people that make all kinds of things – from 3-D printing to knitting. Which, I guess, is a kind of 3-D printing too.

I figured some Modular Origami would be a good fit and I’ve signed up – and completed the 5 page form. Yeah.

I won’t know for a bit if I’ve been accepted since they’ve got a committee that will need to make the final call. I’m guessing they don’t want to have a bunch of duplicates there, but seriously, who else is going to do Origami?

Under the assumption that I’m going to be accepted, I’ve started planning. I’m going to take plenty of cranes and boxes to give away, have plenty of paper to teach simple things, have modular creations to display – and the giant menger sponge I built.

[what is a menger sponge?]

Except the one I built isn’t very portable.

It won’t fit in my car and I won’t have a way to get it to Wayne County. So, I’m rebuilding it to be portable.

The new version is going to be 20 smaller cubes, each with 12 sheets of paper per face. So:

6 * 12 * 20 = 1,440 sheets of paper.

That’s almost three reams of paper. I’m closing in on the first ream completed, but I’ve still got a ways to go to fold all the shapes and then put them together.

Big project, but should be worth it.

I had to run some errands yesterday after work and when I was done I could see that the southbound traffic on Route 8 was going. to. be. horrible. So, I fired up the GPS, told it to avoid highways, and directed it to take me home. (note to self, better set that back before I go to visit my folks for thanksgiving – otherwise, super-duper long trip)

I had some music playing and the route seemed pretty clear and everything was fine until I took a turn a little too sharply.

The GPS went flying off the dashboard and headed right for the passenger side floorboards. On the way down, the cord dragged on the volume control and cranked it up.  Like, all the way.

We went from a peaceful car ride to the GPS yelling at me from the floor and Aimee Mann screaming at me from the speakers.

I got through the turn safely, turned down the music, and carefully retrieved the GPS from the floor. Everyone got settled down and we were on our way.

————————–

I got home and set to work on an origami wreath for Jim. He liked the thanksgiving one I had done for work and “hinted” that he’d like one too. I got the paper folded and glued, then started fixing a late dinner. The food was close to being done when I got a text from Jim at photography class. Turns out his professor had to bring her 6 year old son with her today – and he’d been there all day. And would I be interested in sharing a little origami lesson with him?

I thought about it a moment and then quickly agreed. Watching someone take pictures as a 40-something year old can be a little boring at times. Watching people talk about photos as a 6 year old must have been a boredom nightmare.

So, dinner turned into lunch the next day and a hot pocket went in the microwave as I got some paper together. I ate the hot pocket – pepperoni and cheese – and planned what folding projects a 6 year old could handle.

I drove to campus and found the classroom – and met Jim’s teacher and her son. The little dude was quite excited and we sat down to work on some projects.

He had fun picking out the paper and we started on a bird – which I switched over to a butterfly since we needed an easier warm-up. Next was a bird, then a dragon, a peacock, and a cube.  It’s a careful balancing act since I wanted to encourage him, keep him on track, and end up with something that actually worked while still letting him do most of the folding.

We folded for maybe an hour before it was time for class to end and I quickly made him a goldfish while Jim was getting his stuff together. The grateful mom wondered if I was a teacher since I was good with kids – but that level of focus is exhausting for me.

I left him with a box of treasures, hidden math lessons, and maybe an interest in paper folding of his own.

And the day was saved.

On Saturday, Jim was at the University to print out some photos.  This is a time consuming process and since we had planned on meeting up and running errands afterwards, I decided to walk to campus and meet him there.

It’s about 3 miles and took me about 45 minutes to get there.  The trip was uneventful, though I did go past an abandoned warehouse/factory that no amount of scooby snacks could have convinced me to go in – even in broad daylight.

When I got to the art school, I found the print lab and walked in – and it was so unexpected that Jim didn’t recognize me for a moment.  I went and got some hot chocolate at starbucks and then came back and played a game on my phone until he was ready to go.

I think that may have been my last long walk for a while – winter arrived the next day like it was trying to prove something.

——————–

We went to dinner at PizzaFire that evening and while we were waiting for our meals Jim tapped his straw on the counter to remove the wrapper.

Now, I’m good at a lot of things but there are a few areas where I completely fail. And one of those failure points is removing straw wrappers – I can never get it to work.  I usually try a few times and then just tear the dang things to shreds trying to get at the straw.

It’s a minor thing, but for someone who enjoys figuring things out and doing things, it kinda irks me that I can’t get this.

I can’t knit either.

This time, though, I paid very close attention to the technique and replicated it exactly – and the straw promptly popped through the wrapper.

I was so excited I could only point at the straw – speechless.  Jim figured out what I was so excited about and congratulated me.

“You’re a big boy now!” he said and I laughed because I was thinking the same thing.

Later on as we were walking downtown, I confessed that while eating my pizza I bit my tongue so hard that I started to bleed – and that it was still bleeding.  I apologized in advance in case I ended up spitting blood.

He considered this a moment and then said, “Well, maybe you aren’t such a big boy if you can’t chew your food without biting your tongue”

In mock outrage, I stopped and turned in the other direction to walk away. I took a couple steps and he stopped me.

“Stop right there.  You aren’t allowed to cross the street by yourself,”

He’s quick.  🙂

I had a dream the other night that I was a corporate saboteur. I had infiltrated the headquarters with a mostly bogus ID and kept falling back on “I’m the new guy” whenever I couldn’t produce the right password. When my ID card didn’t work, I blamed HR – all the while trying to make my way towards an unguarded terminal so I could crash the system. My plan fell apart when I got onto an elevator with a working ID, but then got trapped with the real employees when I couldn’t put in my pin number to get the elevator going. They got suspicious and canceled the trip – opening the doors back onto the lobby floor.

Apparently, though, while we were arguing in the elevator, the office building got another visitor. We barely had time to get out of the elevator before the full wall of glass in the lobby exploded inwards and gigantic greenish-black tentacles crashed through, dousing the tile floor with seawater.

It was a kraken.

We all ducked off to the sides of the elevator as a tentacle crashed into the open doors. I did a roll, came up, and headed for the curved staircase. Racing up the stairs I dodged another tentacle that crashed through the railing, then threw a shoulder into the door of a supply closet. I emerged a moment later holding a box cutter in one hand and some kind of long serrated blade in the other.

I jump a tentacle as I went back down the stairs and tossed the box cutter to an employee. Neither of us spared a moment to even loosen a necktie – with a roar, we both ran towards the monster.

And then I woke up.

I read a book a number of years ago by David Brin called, simply, Earth. It was a somewhat heavy-handed future environmental focused sci-fi novel that had some good moments, but sort of stumbled at the end. Not that memorable, but for one quote:

"There may someday come an end to the need for war, but there will always be a need for heroes"

The need for war – interesting. Recognizes that – at least at this point in our civilization – sometimes conflict is necessary. If a person or culture is being oppressed, then sometimes conflict and war is an effective solution.

And if we ever somehow get past that need for conflict and war to free people and cultures from oppression, there still needs to be heroes to save us from ourselves.

Seems fitting to think about on Veteran’s Day – and the week where we elected a new leader that has been disrespectful of veterans and their families.

I didn’t serve in the armed forces – my path took me a different way – but I have family and friends that served. And they are in my thoughts today.

Our country has been at conflict with itself for a very long time. The latest changes to our leadership didn’t start this cultural conflict – though they did make it much more visible. On one side; treating everyone decently, respectfully, and equally. On the other; racism, misogyny, and xenophobia.

And I’m less worried about the leaders than those at the periphery who now feel vindicated in their frankly terrible ideas.

It’s not war, but it is conflict. And while the folks at the front line aren’t soldiers, perhaps they can still be heroes. We need a little triumph of good, a little rescuing from oppression, and maybe a little sacrifice if we’re to change the way america treats itself.

So, today, we recognize our veterans and the sacrifices they made on our behalf . And hopefully recognize that what they fight for – freedom – means freedom for everyone.

Thank you to my friends and family that have served and continue to serve.

I hope we can make you proud.