Thunder of Wade

Last Thursday, I drove south to my parent’s house – about 3 hours – and then on Friday we drove 6 and a half hours to central Illinois. They dropped me off at my cousin’s house and there was much video gaming, paper folding, and card playing with her kids.

One of whom decided early on that we were now “best buddies”.  🙂

It ended up being a very late night and there was an early morning on Saturday to visit my aunt for brunch. From there, a birthday party at a gymnastics center that had a climbing wall, a bounce house, and a pit filled with foam cubes. A lot of fun to get into, but difficult to get out of. I proved once again that I’m just a tall kid and spent a lot of time running, jumping, and climbing – much to the delight of the actual kids.

After the party it was trip to my Dad’s cousin’s house, then back to my cousin’s for a family get together. Lots of food, lots of great conversation, and lots of people – including some of my relatives that I hadn’t seen in many years. It was another late night with some really amazing people – didn’t want it to end, but I was asleep on my feet.

Sunday was back in the car for 6.5 hours, then a quick dinner and 3 more hours home. A good trip, but it took a lot out of me.

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A side effect of hanging around a lot of kids when you aren’t used to that is… well… they are germ warehouses. I love ’em, but I picked up some kind of nasty bug over the weekend. It hit me about 2 in the afternoon on Tuesday with just a tickle in my throat. I was coughing pretty good by the evening and Wednesday morning I was sick as a dog. I got up long enough to send an email to work, then it was back to bed. I was up again a little at lunch and then once more at 5 to do some work.

This morning, still sick and I hadn’t slept well. Took another day off, but did a little more work from home so I wouldn’t be so far behind. I’m better now, but still really tired.

The worst is that horrible taste as my body slowly converts to mucus. Yeah, pretty much like that. Need to get some more cold medicine so I can function tomorrow and then it’s back to work.

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A few weeks ago, I fired up my text editor and wrote a little to the Ladies Who Have Returned to New York – Louise and Edna. It was a newsy kind of letter – just sharing some of my silly adventures since I hadn’t talked to them in a while. I printed it out, drew some pictures on it as illustrations, and dropped it in the mail.

Last week, I got a card back from Louise. It was a short note, written in a densely packed cursive, that was a little difficult to read. She thanked me, a couple of times, for the letter and how much she and Edna enjoyed it. She also said, a couple of times, how unhappy she was for having moved and that it was a terrible decision.

Made me sad to hear that – but perhaps not surprised. She decided early on that this wasn’t a good move for her and I’ll give her this – she’s consistent. I’m worried that she’s not making a good effort to make the best of the situation and that it’s going to ultimately impact her health.

So, I worry, a little – but know there’s not much I can do to help. I’ll write again soon and try to send a little Ohio cheer her way.

I’ve become news-averse over the past few years, but I recognize that ignorance isn’t doing me any good. So, I still follow a few feeds and try to sort out the value from the crap.

One item that I saved related to Virginia Foxx – a representative from North Carolina. In addition to wanting to dismantle the Department of Education, she’s also infamous for her statement about Matthew Shepard – calling the crime:

“a hoax that continues to be used as an excuse for passing hate crimes bills.”

politico |  Wikipedia  | Washington Post

More recently was a statement by writer Chadwick Moore who claimed it wasn’t a hate crime – instead, a drug deal gone bad:  joe.my.god

This appears to be based on much debunked book about Matt Shepard from 2013: Wikipedia

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In 1998, a 21 year old man named Matthew Shepard was kidnapped, robbed, beaten, and tied to a fence post on a cold October night and left to die. He never regained consciousness and passed away 6 days later. During the trial, it was determined that his attackers had pretended to be gay in order to lure him from the bar so they could rob him. When he responded, they panicked and attacked him.

The incident and trial made national headlines for shedding a light on crimes against members of the LGBT community and for those that proclaimed his attackers as “heroes” and “justified in their actions”. There was a made-for-tv movie, documentaries, and books as people tried to make sense of what happened. And, eventually, a law was passed that made this kind of attack a “hate-crime”.

In 1998, I was 25. A late bloomer, as it were, who was still wrestling with his sexuality and trying desperately to figure who he was. When I heard about this, I empathized with Matthew deeply. “That could have been me” echoed over and over in my head – and I was afraid.

Afraid of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. Afraid of letting anyone know who I really was – and what I really was.

Afraid that someone would beat me to death because I was gay.

It would be years later before I got the courage to date, even circumspectly. And longer still before I would let my friends know. And even longer before I was ready to come out to my family.

I was ruled by that fear and spent a spectacular amount of energy in double-checking everything I said or did to everyone I knew or ever met. My backup plans had backup plans and I was always aware of where I was – and the nearest exit. Like Matthew, I have a slim build and knew that I couldn’t defeat those presumed attackers, but I was always ready to run.

Slowly, cautiously, and oh so carefully, I started to work past my fears. I felt safe with my friends and began to let people past those carefully constructed walls. After a not-great coming out to my family I’m in a much better place with them now. Some of my co-workers know and have been nothing but supportive. I’ve had several relationships and I’m in a great one now with a great guy.

And when Jim and I are out somewhere and I introduce him, I refer to him more and more as my “partner” instead of the safer “friend”.

But, we don’t hold hands in public.

That fear still lingers because every day a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person is mocked, attacked, beaten, or killed just because of who they are.

And so, to further some deeply twisted personal agendas, people like Foxx and Moore call into question what happened Matthew to diminish the impact. To blame the victim.

When I first read the article about Virginia Foxx I went into a murderous rage. I wanted to find her and I wanted to destroy her. No matter the cost.

“How dare she?” I thought, “How dare she mock what happened?”

Because it wasn’t just about Matthew – it was about me too. And about every single LGBT person that knew fear because of what happened. Everyone that lived a life being afraid of being themselves.

Needless to say, I didn’t make a road trip to NC. Instead, I’m trying to be a little more brave each day. Being a little more open and a little more out. It isn’t easy – my inclination is still to hide and look for those exists.

But I’m trying, a little all the time, to not be afraid anymore. And I’m still here.

I took the day off today and got up bright and early to go to the Portage Lakes State park for a hike in my kilt. And winter coat, boots, scarf, gloves and hat.

I got lost driving there, somehow, and of course ended up in Barberton. If I’m going to get lost while driving, I inevitably end up in Barberton. No one knows why.

Anyway, I finally got there and parked my car in the first lot – then set out for my hike.

And, unsurprisingly, I had the whole park to myself. I saw a couple of maintenance trucks when my path took me near a parking lot, but otherwise I was alone.

It was peaceful and quiet. Kind of somber with the bare trees and maybe a little lonely.

I took the Shoreline Trail and though I lost the trail a few times, I wasn’t really lost. I would soon find a signpost and I was back on track. I saw some swans, some loons, and a woodpecker, but no people.

I started to get a little tired and decided to head back for my car.

And then I got lost.

Not, “I’m going to die alone in the wilderness and wolves with gnaw on my bones”, but “This is fairly annoying”

I stayed lost for a bit and my sense of direction was actively working against me. I did find a road and figured I was in the home stretch, but I ended up going the wrong direction.

Finally, I got out my phone and fired up Google Maps to look for the entrance to the park – by foot. I headed West – against my criminal sense of direction – and it said I was still 17 minutes away.

And then the sky opened up and the snow came down in a sudden squall. Visibility dropped to a few yards and I started looking for the wolves. And regretting that I didn’t wear underwear under my kilt. I don’t know why that suddenly bothered me, but it did.

I confirmed my direction again with my phone, then put my head down and forged ahead.

The sky cleared in a few minutes with nary a wolf in sight and I soon found the main road and then my car.

I was tired and cold and hungry – and feeling more that a little stupid. But I was still glad I went. Not sure how far it was, but lets call it 4 miles.

I took a hot shower when I got home and there’s pizza baking in the oven. Good way to spend my morning – but next time I’m picking up a map of the trails before I head out.

Jim has been having some trouble with his foot recently and along with some other treatments his doctor also gave him a sample of Biofreeze. On the bottom of his foot, it provided some relief. On the top, however, he instead got a excruciatingly painful response with tightened skin and prominent veins.

I was curious about this since I’ve never seen a reaction like that and – in a show of solidarity – I suggested he put some on the top of my foot. Because I’m a bad-ass, also.

He was hesitant, but went ahead with the roll-on applicator.

Nothing. No reaction at all.

He then added some of the gel version – still nothing. It didn’t get hot or cold – maybe just a little cooler from evaporation.

We were both puzzled, but I put my sock and shoe back on and went on home.

Thundercat was interested in the smell of my shoe and since he likes to chew on shoe laces, I took my shoe off and was just in my sock feet.

That was a mistake.

The smell of the biofreeze was intensely fascinating to him and he kept licking and biting at my sock-covered foot. When I tried to get him to leave me alone, he lashed out at me with full-on claws.

After a couple hits, I sat on my foot on the couch to defend it. He keep walking past to check to see if I was vulnerable, but I stayed in defensive mode until I went to take my shower and wash it off.

We have a… strange relationship, my cat and I.

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Jim’s also been having trouble with his laptop and he called me last evening for some tech support. The screen had gone black, but he was still getting the pop-up calendar reminders. And there was a youtube video of a watercolor painting tutorial still playing somewhere – we could hear the audio only.

I suggested a couple of things – restarting, checking to see if it was in presentation mode, etc. – but no luck. We exhausted what I could suggest over the phone and he was going to have to call Apple support after he was done with his homework.

I finished up a project I was working on at home, then realized it was early enough to go over to his place and see if I could help in person.

I got there and he handed me the laptop. I sat down, opened the screen…

…And everything was fine. The wallpaper was up on the screen and we had files and program icons there as well. We had to switch desktops to see the log-in and that let him in. There was a note about an update having installed and I’m guessing it was in the middle of that when he started using it.

So, I “fixed” it literally by being in the room and touching it.

Skillz.
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I got contacted by the Maker Faire people for the event coming up in May. They had featured me in their Meet a Maker newsletter and a local reporter wanted to interview me. Super cool!

(note: that was Meet a Maker. Not Meet Your Maker. Which would be an entirely different kind of faire.)

I responded back right away and said I’d be happy to. Then the reporter found out I lived and worked in Akron – and their paper only covered certain counties. So, no interview for me.

I’m making progress on rebuilding the giant cube to make it more portable. 2/3 of the way down with the folding and then I’ll need to put them together. Slow going, but I’m getting there.

I’ve noticed in recent years an odd, but interesting, trend. When I’m talking to friends or family, their little kids tend to grab me by the hand and drag me off to another room.

Well, I let them drag me off – they aren’t exactly in my weight class.

And once they’ve got me away from the adults, I’m pulled right into what-ever video game or story or adventure they desperately need to show me.

I think they recognize that while I speak “adult” when needed – mostly – I’m really just a tall kid. Eventually, I’ll wander back to the adults and the kids are usually okay with that. They know I’m fluent in dragon, minecraft, stickers, and giant fighting robots – or whatever language they are using at the moment. I could teach a master’s class in Lego (play well) and I even speak a little My Little Pony – though with an admittedly odd dialect.

[they’ve got a character named and modeled after Discord – the goddess of chaos and strife. That’s hardcore.]

It’s got to look a little odd when I get co-opted, but I think it’s pretty awesome when the kids want to include me – especially those kids who don’t usually warm up to adults so easily.

And, the kids are more fun anyway.

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I like going to art exhibits and museums and supporting the artists that I’m lucky enough to know. Sometimes, I take a more direct approach with my favorite artist. I’ve been an art model, a getaway driver, tech support, and constructive critic. And now, a supplier.

Jim is taking a painting class and on his first day he texted me from the studio. Seems as though he’d missed the email that told him he needed painting supplies for that first class. I was playing a video game and asked if he needed me to bring him some supplies. He told me “maybe” and that he’d text me. Figuring that would turn into a “yes” I got a head start and headed over to his house to get whatever watercolor paint, brushes, and paper that he had. I was in route to the school when I got the go-ahead and met my very relieved painter at the door to his class room.

When he got his first assignment done, he told me that for his next one he had to paint 2 inverted pears. Figuring it might be difficult to find such an oddly specific image to paint from, I stopped at the grocery store and bought him some real pears. When I surprised him at his house, he gave me an odd look – I was apparently pretty excited about the pears. Which… it turned out he didn’t need – all the students in the class were supposed to work from the same image.

Still, pears.

It’ll be interesting to see where his next project takes him – and I’m happy enough to just carry stuff around if needed. 🙂

— Edit: Jim does get to paint the real pears after all.  Yea, pears!

I was at Chipotle last week and of the large group of kids at one of the tables, I recognized two of them. Not because had met them, but because their dad – my fraternity brother and former room-mate – posts copious pictures of them on facebook. I didn’t see him but I did spot his wife, whom I knew from college.

Now, I’m kinda terrible at keeping friendships going over time. It manifests itself as a variant of social anxiety and I would generally prefer to just “duck and cover” to avoid potentially awkward situations.

But, recognizing that I need to work on this, I stopped by her table on my way out. I said her name, then – where there wasn’t a spark of recognition – introduced myself and where I knew her from. She remarked that it had been a long time and I offered that I had aged (giving her an out on not recognizing me) – and suggested that she hadn’t in the 20+ years. Which was true – she looked just as I remembered her from college. She was flattered and thanked me. We talked for a moment and she promised to tell her husband that she saw me – and then I was on my way.

So, not only did she not recognize me – she also didn’t remember me at all – clearly.

Which struck me as odd. I recognized and remembered her easily enough and I still keep in touch with her husband on Facebook. It “felt” like we still had a connection, but it was an online illusion. I may have been current on her family based on some posts on facebook – and her husband could have been current with me – but it wasn’t quite enough.

Still, I’m glad I said hello and hope I didn’t creep her out too much.

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The other night I woke up at 2:53 am. I glanced over at the clock to see if it was time to get up and then took a quick inventory. I had a vague sense that I needed to use the bathroom, but not urgent. There was also a slight bit of heartburn, but nothing to write home about. The cat wasn’t anywhere nearby and my dreams had been about as boring as they get for me.

[I had tried to return a library book at a bank and it didn’t work. That was pretty much it.]

I lay there in bed a moment, sort of marveling at how deeply still and quiet it was. And since I’m never up at 2:53 am, I considered getting up and exploring the hour – maybe even going for a walk.

But, I had work the next day so I instead just went to the bathroom and then got some tums. Back in bed and I was asleep in a few minutes.

I don’t know what woke me and whatever it was wasn’t enough to keep me awake, but I would have liked to puzzle it out and maybe see the world again at the early morning hour.  Instead, the mystery remained unsolved and sleep took over.  I was fine the next day at work, but I kinda wish I had followed my impulse.

I was home sick a few days ago and got a call from my Mom. She said that Dad had been on the phone with someone from Microsoft and was being told that if they didn’t purchase a security update to their out-of-date computer, their internet would be turned off. Dad was suspicious that the guy wouldn’t give a call back number but had been able to provide a security code. And Dad gave him access to the computer where the guy pointed out the locations of malware on the machine.

Parts of it seemed on the up and up, but the threats and the insistence on a checking account number raised a flag with my folks and that’s when they called me.

It didn’t sound right to me either so I relayed my concerns to Mom – who passed them along to Dad. I said they should get the guy to disconnect – or they should pull their own internet connection. He did and Dad ended the call with the account numbers safely unrevealed.

Getting the right cell phone number matched up with the right computer was pretty impressive and I suspect their computer may have already been compromised. Mom handed the phone to Dad and I gave him some suggestions on what to do next – unplug the internet for a bit, get some real security software, or consider a new computer. And skip the online banking for a while. Just in case.

I’m glad I was able to help, but really angry at the guy pretending to be from Microsoft. This ass-hat was trying to scam my folks.

What is wrong with us as a species that we prey on each other? I mean, like, all the time? This was a pretty elaborate setup and required a lot of work and planning – and at no point did this guy (or group, I suppose) think, “Wow, this is a really shitty thing to be doing to people. Maybe we should, I dunno, maybe go play video games instead or learn how to knit and make mittens for orphans.”

Sigh.

My Dad called the real Microsoft and verified that yeah, it was a scam. He got some real security software and they are looking for a new computer – I gave some suggestions there as well.

Things seem to be okay for the moment on the cyber-security front and I may be helping them with transferring some files the next time I visit. Good to have a geek on staff.

It doesn’t quite seem real yet and part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, but – pending approval by the board – I got promoted.

It started back in June with a 13-page position audit request form. It was a terrible document – perhaps the worst I’ve seen on campus in my 19 years there. At one point, while trying to complete this, it occurred to me that I could just quit my job right then and I wouldn’t have to continue it.

It was that bad.  Really bad.  Like soul-crushing. Maybe even intended to be so bad that people don’t complete it.

Instead, I got it done and we got it revised and edited – then signed by everyone in the multiverse and submitted to HR. And then we waited several weeks.

HR wanted to meet with me and go over the document that – based on the questions I was asked – they didn’t really look at carefully. That meeting seemed to go okay and then it was more waiting. Like, months.

Finally, my boss got word that the new position had been approved. Again, everyone had to sign off on it and it was a bit before he made the announcement to the rest of the team. Who were all, fortunately, pretty cool with it. Eventually, I got an email from HR with the details – which raised more questions that I’ll need to figure out on my own ’cause I’m pretty sure my reply email is being ignored.

A new nameplate has been ordered for my door and the online directory has been updated. Not sure what I’ll do about business cards – I use so few of those it hardly seems worth updating.

It took a long time and I kinda figured it wouldn’t happen, but – again, pending board approval (hopefully in February) – I’m now the Assistant Director for Web Services at the University of Akron.

Go me.

My birthday was this past weekend (44) and my parents, my sister, and her family came up for a visit. I usually try to plan something for us to do – paint your own pottery and bowling have been fun in the past – but I thought about a movie this time. The tricky part is finding something the adults will enjoy that won’t be too much for my young nieces.

So, I picked Trolls – which was still just barely in the theater. I figured the fun music and bright colors would be good for the nieces and I hoped the humor would be on a couple of levels so the adults would enjoy it too. Not sure if my Dad and brother-in-law liked it – and my youngest niece was a little worried about the Bergrens and the trolls getting eaten. But, the trolls saved the day and everyone was fine.

We went out to eat, hit a craft store, and had birthday doughnuts. And Thundercat was pretty entertaining as well – with no bloodshed!

So, a good visit and a happy birthday.

I had the week off between Christmas and New Year’s and though I had grand and lofty ideas on how I would spend my time productively, I spent much of it reading books and playing games. I guess that depends a little on your definition of productive to determine how successful I was.

I got to visit my family beforehand and enjoyed the time with my nieces. I also got to play video games with the Very Excitable Little Dude and took Louise (briefly back from New York) out for dinner. I saw Jim’s family for Christmas eve and had dinner at a classic Barberton Chicken place with friends. It’s a thing in Northeast Ohio to do.

But, mostly, it was quiet. Quiet days with a purring cat and a stack of books. Sometimes a little music – the bird and bee is a current favorite

– but sometimes just silence broken by turning pages.

It’s tough to get that real silence anymore. Something is always beeping to notify of us of something else that happened that we couldn’t live without knowing.

But of course we can.

It was a struggle to go back to work yesterday and of course there were catastrophes and cranky people. And lots of noise. And when I got home, I left the music off and lights low. And enjoyed the quiet with a book.

Funny how our society places such value on having things when sometimes the best thing is the absence of everything else.

So, time to log off and go find that book again.  And a purring cat to keep me company.