Thunder of Wade

On the drive to work in the morning there is a large sign that I pass that displays various messages – usually related to the businesses below it. Sometimes, though, it has other kinds of messages and today it said:

“Litter is a pain in the grass”

Cute. But who, exactly, are they talking to? People that don’t litter and wouldn’t even consider it – like myself. I’ve cleaned up a lot of litter in my day and I couldn’t imagine adding to it.

Or is it targeted to those that throw stuff outside their cars as they drive along? Would a “too cute” message really get the point across? Would they even notice and/or care? Doubtful.

What would be more effective is a radar system and laser cannon, controlled by a low-level AI. If you toss something out the window, your car is targeted and a laser shines into your window and burns out your cell phone. Two birds… one stone.

In other news… in the past week I’ve discovered – on two separate days – that I’ve put my watch on upside down. Now, to my defense, the clasp is easy to do in either direction and the watch face looks pretty much the same either way, except for the brand name in “gray on silver” at the top. Still, kinda odd for the master of space and time.

That’s it for now…

I watched “Premonition” last night – pretty good flick. I was pretty much 2 steps ahead of the plot the whole time and figured out the “big twist” way early, but it was still well acted. At one point I said to my room-mate, “Now, that’s why you don’t f–k with time travel,” He got a good laugh out of that one.

I’ve been playing Final Fantasy 12 on PS2 – good game with amazing graphics. However, it keeps sneeking up on me. I’ve walked into an area pretty sure of myself and then some horrible monster walks up and kills everyone in my group. Even when I was prepared, a giant snake thing took out my three toughest characters and then when the reserves came up, they got killed too. I was pretty close to taking that monster out, though, so I think I need to level up a bit and try again. Not real comfortable with all the systems yet, but I’m working on it.

I made an appointment to see an eye doctor on Thursday after work – though I may need to leave a little early to get there on time. However, the sequence of events is worth noting.

When I lived in Cuyahoga Falls, I had a great eye doctor. She and her staff were excellent and got me back into contacts and even hooked me up with the costume lenses for halloween. It was during this time that I started to develop massive headaches and my family doctor sent me to Novus clinic to get checked out – making sure there was nothing wrong with my eyes since that’s where the pain was. I got a stern note from my insurance saying they weren’t covered and I’d better have a damn good reason for going there.

Then my insurance changed and my really good doctor wasn’t covered anymore. So, I found a new one in my area that was recommended – though I wasn’t as pleased with the staff or the facilities. The doctor knew his stuff, but wasn’t generally as helpful as my last one.

Then that doctor moved his practice and he was no longer covered by my insurance. So, back to the insurance site to find a new provider. I found that Novus had a location about 5 miles from my house and was now covered by my insurance. Hence, the Thursday appointment.

My parent’s anniversary was on Sunday and I tried to call my Dad’s cell – got his voicemail. I tried calling Mom yesterday, voicemail again. It’s possible I got my timing very wrong and “this” is the week they are on a vacation. Still, a cell phone is supposed to negate the communications issues with travel. I think they were easier to get a hold of when all they had was a landline. I’m thinking of a Happy Anniversary email, but it seems impersonal. Eh, guess I’ll think about that one today.

Time to get back to work…

The blimp was flying over the apartment not too long ago. Which is not really much of a big deal when one has lived in Akron over a decade. They are still cool, don’t get me wrong, but nothing that would warrant staring at them for hours on end anymore.

Still, it made enough of an impression that I dreamed about a blimp that night. In the dream, it was double-bag blimp (side by side) and had these gigantic get engines at the back. Looked a bit like the blockade runner from Star Wars – except it flew just above the tops of the tress. And the pilots decided to do a loop-de-loop over my grandparents house – where we were watching them.

Back to reality – such as it is – I bought some appliances yesterday. Well, I bought the microwave and my room-mate bought the cordless phones. I had some coupons from the Best Buy reward zone and saved us both some money. Worked out pretty well – and the new microwave is very shiny.

Watched the movie “The number 23” last night. Jim Carrey, to my surprise, did a good job. He was dramatic, scary, and intense – as well as a slightly bored, but caring family man. The numerology reminded me a little of the math that has been done with the Koran and with the hidden information in the mathematical formula to calculate Pi in the movie contact. The ending was a little weak, maybe, but the movie over all was good.

When I walked out to get the mail yesterday, I noticed some newspaper near the end of the driveway. It wasn’t moving around in the breeze, and when I investigated I realized it was wrapping up something. More careful examination indicated that it was neatly wrapped around a cow patty. So, I gloved up and bagged the mess for trash night. It was:

1. almost certainly random
2. poorly done – since it was well wrapped, there was no mess, unless they expected it to be run over
3. possibly meant for the neighbors, but still more likely stupid kids being random.
4. annoying.

We’ll see if there’s a repeat.

Finally, went to target recently to do a little wedding shopping for my cousin. I went to the kiosk to print out the list, but the machine wasn’t working. As I waited, I heard the customer service person try to help a lady with her refund. Apparently, the lady had paid for something with a check and then returned it before the check cleared. She got a gift card, then used that to make a purchase which she also returned. She wanted cash for that return and swore she would never shop there again if she didn’t get it. I finally found a machine that worked and printed out the list and made my selection. While I was standing in the line, the lady from watches and jewelry came over and asked if I wanted to check out at her station. So, no waiting, friendly service, speedy checkout. I thanked her for keeping an eye on the lines and exited.

Finally, I think I’ve stabilized on 3/4 of a mile on my swim. Seems like a good number and one that I can accomplish without too much trouble in the time I have for my lunch. Based on my total laps swum since I started in December, my dad reports that I’m only a few miles away from an English Channel swim – but he jokes that it won’t count since I didn’t register with them first.

That’s about it for now… time to play some video games… later…

36 laps = 1 mile.

Feeling pretty good, but tired.

back to work…

If you know me at all – even to just have passed me on the street – you’ll know that I despise cell phones. Last evening, there was an “incident” that I’ll report.

I had tried to call my mom the night before, but she didn’t answer – so, I left a voice mail. Didn’t hear back from her yesterday, so I tried to call my dad. The first time I tried, nothing happened. Thinking I had mis dialed, I tried again. It rang, went to voice mail and I started to leave my message. In the middle of my speaking, I was interupted by some automated message saying:

“Your message was not saved because the connection was lost or you were not speaking.”

Well, excuse me, but I was speaking. So, now I’m cranky. It was followed with:

“To disconnect, press one. To leave your message, press two”

So, I hit 2 and started talking. In the middle of my second attempt, the voice interupted me again and said:

“Are you still there? To disconnect, press one. To leave your message press two.”

And I’m like, “shut up so I can talk!”

So, I hit 2 again and got the same message. And then I pressed one and hung up.

I called my sister to see if there was something up with the folks – she said they were at a Vacation bible school this week.

I talked to dad later that evening and we had a good laugh at the automated response system.

that’s it for now… later…

I swam yesterday – got in 27 laps again. I didn’t have as much energy as a usually do and I was running late when I finished up.

Work has been stressful. Can’t seem to make much headway – I keep getting derailed. And pretty much everything is making me irritated. I wish I could go home and take a “cranky” day. Don’t think it would work.

And I found out recently that our student assistant it leaving. She’s got to get a different job to fit her internship requirement and is running out of time. So, her last day is next week. I guess the timing is as good as it could be – we had just finished up a major project and had to yet to start her on a new one. Still, I’m bummed ’cause she was great to work with and helped us out tremendously. My boss is trying to get the rules bent on the qualifying job for her internship – but it’s not looking good.

The internet has been flaky pretty much all this week – something with our internet provider. It’s made the webteam a little cranky as well. Or maybe that’s just me.

Not much of a post, granted, but I’ll try to do better next time. Oh, and I’m working on an update to my cell phone rant.

later…

In cleaning out my basement (still/again) I found a small archive of dreams that I had written down in a small spiral notebook. The notebook is musty and in poor shape – I’ve decided to jot down the impressions and toss the notebook.

07/22/94 – Tori Amos stops into the SuperAmerica where I work and buys $14.68 worth of gas. She pays in change, ones, and the gold backs of earrings. I get her autograph.

07/27/94 – My grandmother cuts my hair and uses static electricity to make it stick out and easier to cut.

07/30/94 – I’m at a hot dog stand at the Westland mall in Columbus, OH. I buy a shirt for a friend who’s 10 foot tall, but the shirt is too small.

07/31/94 – Driving back to Ohio, the cell phone rings and Dad answers – but doesn’t know the code for the area so the signal is mostly scrambled. I try to answer, but I can’t hear and I’m mostly mute. Dad says it must be Blackford (?) Mom says, “Oh, he found the rat,” The song “Mr. Jones” by the Counting Crows is playing.

08/14/94 – I’m at Ball state helping my sister move into her room. I meet up with fraternity brothers and party at the student center. I goto Miami, FL and Maria from Biomed does not remember me. I end up living in a haunted house at the end of a street where all the houses are miniatures.

08/15/94 – I’m at a SuperAmerica in a Kroger in the mall. My sister visits during my break. She applies for a part time job at Froxx communications which is somehow connected to Zima. I’m suddenly back in high school and I’m being initiated into the Order of the Peach – which is a far less blood-thirsty ritual than the Order of the Kiwi Strawberry.

08/16/94 – I check my work schedule and go in for 2 hours – then, for some reason I go home and call them to ask if I’d been there and should I have been? The manager says I wasn’t and that I shouldn’t have been – and that I must have been dreaming! I’m next playing poker at my grandparents house and I lose. My aunt stops over and asks if we want to play a drinking game.

Spring 1995 Day ? – At my grandparents house, all the kids climb a raspberry tree and knock the branches off. We gather the branches and sing – like a children’s musical.

Spring 1995 Early April – I’m an agent guarding an African diplomat at the mall. 200 assassins come after him and using knives and a sword I kill them all with the help of another agent.

Yeah, I need help.

One of my co-workers challenged me to do 30 laps in the pool. So, I paced myself when I needed to and pulled out all the stops when appropriate – and did 30 laps today. Still felt pretty good when I was done and could have gone farther, but ran out of time. Now I just need to get though the rest of the day do I can go home and nap.

later…

I encountered pure evil over the weekend. Pure, concentrated evil.

In the form of a toilet seat cover.

See, these things had to have been invented by a woman. No two ways about it. First, it’s just something extra that’s supposed to “look” pretty, but has no purpose. No guy would do that.

Second, it creates a problem that wouldn’t affect women, but would affect men.

So, here’s what should happen – and then I’ll explain what happened in the presence of this evil.

A man enters the bathroom, raises the lid and the seat, and stands with feet at shoulder width apart. He extracts, by whatever means he feels comfortable with, that which needs to be extracted. With careful aim, he relieves his bladder and gives a slight shake. The extraction process is reversed and he flushes the toilet while he lowers the seat and occasionally the lid, then washes his hands and leaves the bathroom.

In this case, however, the fuzzy toilet seat cover prevented the seat from remaining in an upright position. Without support, the lid would most likely come crashing down during the operation and cause a terrible mess. Also, not lifting the seat would result in a terrible retribution from the next woman to use the bathroom.

In the past, I’ve dealt with this problem by using a bungee cord to force the seat into compliance, but none was available. So, with a little planning, I attempted the following operation:

I entered the bathroom and approached the toilet. When it became clear that the seat was going to be a problem, I extracted what needed to be extracted, then stood at an angle to the toilet. I also stood much closer than usual, then raised the seat. Holding the seat in place with my knee, I proceeded to relive myself nearly straight down – which, in the absence of a toilet is a good way to urinate on ones shoes and is thus avoided.

I worked quickly for fear that my leg would cramp up or that I would loose my balance. Task completed, I gave a little shack and lowered the seat, then reversed the extraction. Lid lowered, toilet flushed and hands washed – exit.

Each time I had to use the bathroom at this location, I had to repeat the same operation. I did a lot of swearing and I was cranky. And it was all so that the toilet seat would match the rug.

Evil, I’m telling you. Pure evil.

In other news… my room-mate and I don’t have any pets. Still, somehow, we’ve managed to acquire some music-related, feline-based humor. It started several months ago when he decided that the Enya song “Storms in Africa” had cats meowing in the background instead of the children singing that everyone else hears. Since them, we’ll both find ourselves quietly meowing along with a song, where it sounds appropriate. Yeah, it’s silly – but you’d be amazed at how funny it is. Last evening, while we were eating a meal, listening to music and I was telling a story – the song, “I can’t go for that” came on the cable music.

During the second chorus, my room-mate interrupted me and said in time with the song – “I can’t find my cat”. Totally matter-of-fact and perfectly timed.

You really had to be there and since I was, its a good thing I didn’t have food in my mouth since I most likely would have sprayed it out along with some braying laughter.

So, that’s pretty much it for now. Later…

Just got back from my swim. I was getting tired around lap 15 and figured I would just try and get 20 done and call it a day. When I got to 20 I thought, “well, maybe I can go ahead and get 23 or 24” – which had been my current record. When I got to 24 I was feeling pretty good and decided to do 25. I powered through lap 25 and decided to go for it and do two more laps – which put me at 27.

And, if my math is correct, is 3/4 of a mile.

Which is not too shabby considering that when I started back in December I was exhausted after 4 laps.

And now I’m very tired… 🙂 later…