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Last Friday was ballet in the park. On a good day, I don’t really get ballet. This one? I really didn’t get it. I’m hoping that I’ll still absorb some much needed culture or appreciation of the performing arts – which is why I keep going – but this was just weird. And not cool-weird, which I enjoy.

On the plus side, the ballet took place in a local cemetery, which is creepy and cool enough at night to justify an odd ballet.

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Saturday, went to a party with some friends. Good food, good conversation, and amazingly – they had a carnival inflatable. It was a Bungee Run – each player fastened a bungee strap around their waist and then raced to the end to tag a strip of Velcro to the farthest point down the track. It was a surprising amount of work and hilariously fun. The recoil would drag the participants back to the starting point – sometimes head over heels. I did pretty good and made a good showing of myself while laughing my ass off.

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That night, though, I got sick. Terrible rumble in my stomach, sudden cold chills, and feeling flushed. Figured I just ate too much or the wrong thing and would sleep it off.

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I wasn’t feeling 100% on Sunday, but already had plans to go out to dinner with friends.

Unfortunately, we went to a Mexican restaurant.

I figured I would get something simple off the menu and that I’d be fine. Had a nice time with the crew – though I think next time we need to plan an additional activity (like a game night) since the conversation lagged a few times.

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That night, the rumble turned into a grumble and I had a low fever. By the time it was time to go to bed, I was wiped out.

Monday morning, I was still sick as a dog. I sent an email into work and went back to bed.

Tuesday, I was back to work and still kinda miserable. I got my work done, but I was not my best. Whatever was churning inside my gut had settled in and had the claws out. That evening, Jim and I went to run some errands. I had an important meeting the next day and while I had an iron (arts and crafts, naturally)  – I didn’t having an ironing board.

So, to Target where I bought an ironing board and a new monitor (thank you, windows 10). When I got home, I rested for a bit, then put up the ironing board and ironed my shirt.

Now, if there has ever been a man who was more disinclined to iron, I would like to meet him so that we could bemoan our fates. I got it done, but only because I had to.
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Back to work again today and we’ve now added some bloating to the list of symptoms – along with diarrhea, constipation (yes, both, but not at the same time), constant nausea, a bit of a cough, and I’m guessing that same very low fever.

But, I tied my tie, dosed myself with hand sanitizer, and went to meet with the president of the university. The meeting had been planned a week ago and I couldn’t not go. It actually went pretty well and my gut didn’t make any weird noises (yea!) I don’t know how much we accomplished, but he seemed nice enough and has a nice office. The university has been through a lot recently and I don’t agree with a lot of his decisions, but he seemed interested in trying to get things back on track. So, we’ll see.

Now, I really need to proof-read this post aggressively because it’s clear I’m not at 100% brain power. In the previous paragraph, I started writing that I “dosed myself with the president” – which I did not do in real life. Before I edit, though, time for another trip to the rest room.

[insert “smooth jazz” or “cool indie music” here, to your preference]

I’m back, the post is edited – and this really is a nice monitor, by the way, glad I got a new one – and it’s time to upload this and call it an early night. If I’m not at least a little better tomorrow, I’m going to try and get a doctor appointment. Tired of being sick.

There was a comic book series that I followed for a while called “the Authority”. Standard super-hero fare, thought a little more over-the-top than most. In one issue, in and among the lasers and explosions, one of the characters [with wings, naturally] flies off to find a very particular little girl in a very particular place and time. This little girl would grow up to be a positive influence on the world around her – but only if she could escape her own misery.

The hero found the girl, dropped out of the sky, and wrapped her arms and wings around the girl and said simply,

“You are loved”

This has been a rough week for the folks at the university. On Wednesday, I got to see two friends on their last days at UA. One was dropping off her laptop and was sitting in the lobby of the building when I walked someone out. We made eye contact and shared a small smile – then she got up and walked over to me. We stood there for just a moment, not knowing where to start or what to say – then I figured it out.

“Can I have a hug?” I asked and her small smile turned into a full one as she opened her arms. We hugged for a moment and she thanked me for the hug and all the work that I’d done for her and her group over the years. We talked about what had happened and her feelings of injustice. She’d been with the university nearly 32 years and I’d really enjoyed working with her.

We shared a moment before she needed to continue her “leaving” process and I needed to get back to the office.

Later that afternoon, another friend that I’d worked with for years was clearing out her office. There was no hesitation there, just an immediate hug and smiles. We talked for just a moment about the good times and how much we enjoyed working together. Then she was off to find more boxes and I was back at my desk trying to sort things out.

So, was I the child that needed comfort at an important time? Or the hero with wings who dropped out of the sky to provide it?

Today, I got a note on facebook from one of my friends. She had seen my posts and was thinking about me – and about all of my colleagues and friends that had lost their jobs. It was one of the kindest and wisest messages anyone has ever given me. Full of hope and strength and warmth. Just a few words, but quite like a hero with wings and a kind determination.

There are more changes in store as we go forward. My group is moving to a new division with new challenges and perspectives. I’ll still be a geek – I think that’s in my DNA – but it will be a new role. My friends that are gone will find new paths. Those that remain will rebuild.

And in and among the lasers and explosions, there are heroes that find those in need with a hug and a warm thought. I guess that’s how we make sense of these difficult and strange times. We reaffirm our connections and we share respect and kindness.

Kinda gives you hope, doesn’t it?

The big list of people that had been cut came out today. And it was devastating all over again. I also got to see and talk to a couple of people that had been at the university for years – and said some tearful goodbyes.

I’ve got thoughts and stories to tell about today – but it’s too much right now.

So, for now, I’m going to post a couple of pictures of my cat.

It’s pretty much all I can handle tonight. Just a little overwhelmed by what we’ve lost this week…

I’ll post more tomorrow as we try and figure out how to fill in the gaps and keep things going.

On Halloween, I make my rounds on campus and visit people. The list varies a bit based on my mobility and time each year, but I try to include people across the whole campus.

One of these trips took me to an office I hadn’t interacted with much and to the desk of someone I didn’t know well, but had worked with a few times.

She didn’t know what to make of me at first, then I took off my overly elaborate mask and introduced myself again.

And she lit up. She’d been having a rough week and was feeling down about her job – and was delighted that someone cared enough to go to all that trouble just to visit people. We talked for a few minutes – with her beaming all the while – before I needed to head out and continue my visits. I made her day and her delight made my day as well. And we’ve remained good friends since.

This morning, I heard that a department closely connected to hers had been obliterated by the cuts. Worried, I sent her an email to check on her and her group.

A few minutes later, my phone rang. I was relieved that she called and she was relieved that I answered. We talked quietly for a few minutes – reassuring each other and commiserating – then told each other to take care.

When I got off the phone, I teared up a bit. It was like hearing about a tornado hitting your home town and calling family to make sure they are okay.

I got a few more “are you okay?” calls over the day and I know that was a common occurrence on campus.

So, I sit here tonight with a snoring cat at my feet and a hot cup of tea slowly cooling at my side – trying to get some perspective.

These hardworking and talented folks will find new opportunities in short order, I know. And those that remain will somehow find ways to do the work of 3 or 4 more people – in addition to the 2 or 3 jobs they were already doing.

And life at the university will go on. Though I think something got broken this time.

I’m still waiting to hear back from a few people who I knew were in jeopardy. And the next few weeks as we try to ramp up for the start of the semester will be rough.

But we are survivors. Those that lost their jobs and those that remain.

And we will get through this.

As of 4 o’clock today, I still have my job. 161 of my colleagues are not for fortunate.

There was a board meeting this morning, then HR set up shop in our building and started handing out the notices. We lost one guy in our group – brilliant programmer – and then heard stories throughout the day of great people being lost and whole departments being decimated.  I kept a list of the ones I heard about – those absences will be creating some terrible gaps.

Tomorrow, the rest of those affected will be notified and we’ll hear more about our friends and colleagues losing their jobs.

It’s a dark time for the University.

I don’t know that anyone got much done today and tomorrow will be much the same. We’ll all kind of shell-shocked.

And then we’ll sort through the rubble, find the survivors, and start to rebuild. The start of the fall semester is a month away, but somehow we’ll pull it together.

I have a lot of questions that I know won’t be answered and a lot of worry and loss to deal with. I can’t imagine what those folks who didn’t make it are going through and they are in my thoughts tonight.

I’ll write more when I’ve had some time to process this.  It’s just… too much right now and my heart is aching for my friends.

On Thursday, I got an envelope in campus mail. It was an interoffice envelope – which usually means someone has printed a webpage and marked it up for me to fix. But, with everything going on – I had a brief moment of panic. And even as I opened it at the mailboxes, I knew it wasn’t the notification I had been dreading. Those would come, I suspect, in more official university stationary.

It wasn’t work and it wasn’t the “your service is no longer required” – it was a joking bit of wall art that you could find in any office.

Funny, I guess, though the panic that came along with it wasn’t too funny.

How crappy have things gotten that I’m scared to get mail? [Insert head shaking here]. Anyway, we may finally know more after the board meeting Monday. Or not.

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Saturday, a trip to an outdoor art show. I wore my kilt – because if you can’t were it to an outdoor art show, where can you wear it?

I got some looks, a few nice comments, and gave out a couple of business cards for the kilt company. Then one lady came up to me and asked – in a conspiratorial way – if I was wearing anything under my kilt . I told her that it was not an appropriate question, but as it happened, I was. She then asked if it matched my skirt and I corrected her and told it was kilt – and no, it didn’t. As she walked away, she said she had considered just lifting it up, but thought she should asked first.

Right.

Role reversal: If I had asked a woman if she had anything on under her skirt, I’d be lucky to just get slapped. [insert more head shaking here]

The rest of the show was fun and I bought a mug – about all I could afford.
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After dinner, ballet in the park. I wore my kilt again and before the show started, a woman asked if she could take my picture to send to her daughter in New York – to show that Akron was ‘hip’ (her term, not mine). I laughed and said sure. So, I’m on someone’s facebook wall somewhere. Which is much nicer than a threat of being groped.

The ballet was good – though the sound system was bad enough that they apologized. I was impressed with the dancers, quietly bemoaned my lack of flexibility – and realized that I’m good for about 1/2 a ballet. No matter how long it lasts, I’m ready to go at about the halfway mark. I guess it’s because I figure there’s some kind of story being told, but I have no idea what they are trying to communicate.

Maybe I need subtitles.

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Today, Jim wanted to go to the Zoar historical town and take pictures of the gardens. Not really my thing, but I tagged along and tried to keep him from backing out into the street while trying to get the perfect shot. And… I overheated. Not quite to the ‘falling down in the shrubby stage’, but not doing great. We headed back the car when Jim was done, got me a cool drink at McDonald’s, then stopped over to see some friends on our way back to Akron. We couldn’t stay long – Jim’s puppies needed to go out – but it was nice to see them.

It poured down rain for the drive back and I white-knuckled it a couple times. That, plus the overheating and not fully recovering, sent me to some quiet time on the floor with the cat. I’m better now, but should have taken water with me.

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Finally, a minor rant: to all the people that park on both sides of the street in Akron. Please reevaluate the choices in your life that have gotten you to this point. I’m getting a little tired of slaloming around you because you don’t understand how roads work. Thank you.

A trope is a device or convention – usually found in writing, but appears elsewhere – that provides a kind of short-cut to an idea.

A few good examples are TVtropes and Feminist Frequency

The writer presents an idea and based on the audience’s shared culture, they fill in the rest. So, you say “knight in shining armor” and the audience fills in things like Hero, Quest, and Damsel in Distress. Because they are so easy, they get over-used. And they can perpetuate cultural or gender stereotypes.

And this week, I think I got troped.

Jim and I went to Rockne’s for dinner and we stood at the entrance waiting for the greeter to seat us. When she asked us how many, we told her two. She grabbed two menus – and headed us right for the bar before we could say anything. She set down the menus at a table in the bar area and headed off – thinking, I guess “two guys, no women = beer and giant TVs with loud sports”

I don’t drink at all and Jim rarely has any – and when he does, it’s never beer. Neither of us were interested in freaking golf on any of the 6 giant TVs and conversation was difficult in the loud area.

I suppose we could have gotten moved to the restaurant section, but it didn’t seem worth it. We ate our meals quietly and left when we were done.

Now, the “two guys, no women = beer and giant TVs with sports” is not a terrible assumption. Probably pretty reasonable, I guess – and far less damaging than “all girls like pink and can’t be engineers”. Still, it was a little weird to be set on a particular path based on an assumption. Which I guess means I must have things pretty good if people do it so infrequently that I suddenly notice it.

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I had a pretty good swim today – though my arm was hurting a bit. I was looking forward to a hot shower afterwards to loosen it up, but there was a problem. Only one shower-head could have hot water at a time. When the second was turned on, both went down to a dribble. 17 shower heads, but only one gets hot water.

We experimented for a couple of minutes to try and work around it, but I finally just mentally shrugged, thought “polar bear jump”, and switched mine to all cold. I took a quick shower and got dried off and dressed, then headed back to work. And yeah, once you jump in an icy lake, you really don’t have any ground to stand on in terms of cold water.

Don’t know what caused it, but it was weird enough to note and put in the blog. So, yeah.

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After work, I suggested that Jim and I take his puppies for a walk in the park. And let me tell you – those were the happiest dogs in the park. Perhaps even the happiest mammals in world. And when Talbot pooped and kicked the grass behind him when he was done – you would have thought it was his birthday. He was so excited to just be a dog.

I think we can learn from happy Talbot.

He’s happy to go outside, he’s happy to go inside. He’s happy to get food, he’s happy to get a treat. He’s happy to ride in a car, get a belly rub, or go for a walk. He’s just… happy. A happy little dog that loves everyone and wants to be everyone’s new best friend forever.

And I was happy to walk with him today in the park and share a little bit in some simple joy – from the world’s happiest dog.

Last Wednesday, met up with two other couples for a fancier meal than I’m generally used to. We were on schedule – but hadn’t factored in summer in Ohio – i.e. EVERY FREAKING ROAD WE WERE ON WAS A MESS OF CONSTRUCTION. I mean, seriously? W.T.F. And this included the turnpike – we should have gotten a discount for that mess.

Dinner was good (though I had to work to “bland it down” to my level) and the conversation was fun – but the day kinda caught up with me before we were done.

Saturday morning, I got up early and worked on the yard for a while. And then I laid out in the sun and just relaxed. I would have said “chilled” but it was super hot out and I just lay there and sweat. I’m not generally good at inactivity, but I think I needed it.

On Saturday evening, I had a really fun dinner with some of my very best friends. Good food, awesome conversation – made it fun for a bit to be an adult again. Not very serious adults, mind you, but adults enjoying an evening out. I made some origami flowers for the birthday girl and overall had a really nice evening.

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On Sunday, one of my friends brought over her grandson for an origami lesson. He’s nine and already knew some stuff – and was prepared to be bored with my beginner’s lesson.

Not one to be outdone, I took it up a notch and together we did some more complex modular pieces. And ate brownies. For over two hours.

My hands were a little tired and I think his brain was full from trying to remember all we covered. He wants to come back, though – think he found a kindred spirit.
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I’ve been trying to tweet more while still following my “only haiku” rule. It’s been challenging to distill something into that very small pattern, but I think it’s a good brain exercise. Of course, the most clever one I came up with didn’t show up on facebook so only my scant twitter followers saw it. It was a haiku – but with binary numbers! As Homer Simpson would say:

“Nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!”

Anyway, in case you missed it, Binary Haiku .

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For as much fun as I had over the weekend, I had a rough night Sunday. I had nightmares of being back in college and not knowing where or when any of my classes were. Nor did I have the right books or have any of the homework done, or know any of the professors.

Typical anxiety dream – followed up Monday by a stressful and stupid day. Much of the day was fixing problems that I had already fixed once before – including one that should have been wrapped up literally years ago.

In video game terms, I was ready to rage-quit several times. Just turn off the day and go do something else. I lasted until my usual quitting time and when I got home I got changed and laid out in the sun for about 45 minutes. Just me, my headphones (to drown out the traffic and neighborhood dogs) and my own patch of sky.

It helped, some, but I’m still so on edge. We still don’t know anything and pretty much anyone could be terminated to fit a spot on the budget.

So, I’m torn between trying to accomplish something significant in case I’m one of the ones that gets let go, not wanting to start anything really long term, and being ground down by the day to day.

One of the committees we’re on is working on a letter to the president of the university to ask for some clarification and a timeline. I kinda doubt we’ll get anything – there’s been plenty of opportunity for clarity – but I guess we need to feel like we’re trying.

Time to close up shop and hit the sack.

Just… tired.

Went to give blood last night. My appointment was for 5 and I left work at 4 – and I wasn’t entirely sure where I was going. I grabbed a quick bite to eat and made it to the drive a few minutes before my appointment.

During the health screening, the woman there took a blood sample to check for iron and I had no trouble there. When she checked my blood pressure, it was little too high.

“Did you rush to get here?” she asked.

“A little,” I replied.

“Now why did you do that? We would have waited for you,” she said.

I started to reply about courtesy and respecting their time, but she cut me off and said,

“Now, you just sit here for a few minutes and settle down. Go to your happy place,”

She got up to get another donor started and I dutifully sat quietly and controlled my breathing.

A few minutes later she came back over, checked again, and then sent me on my way to donate.

It was the most Zen blood donation I’ve ever done.

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I got lunch at Burger King today and as I was walking to my car a woman drove past and asked,

“Has Dante left yet?”

I just kind of shook my head in confusion, shrugged, and kept going.

She pulled up next to me and asked again.

“The Dante that works at Burger King? Has he left work yet?”

I shrugged again and replied:

“I don’t know who Dante is. I’m sorry,”

She pulled away and looped around. I got in my car and headed for the exit. I made eye contact with her again and this time she tugged on her shirt.

Referencing my shirt.

She thought my bright blue polo shirt meant that I worked at Burger King and that I would – of course – know who Dante was and if he had left work.

We both went our own ways and I may never know if she found Dante. As a side note, I wouldn’t testify this under oath but I’m pretty sure the employees there were wearing gray uniform shirts. Which makes the entire exchange that much more random.

After work, I’m going to put on a red shirt and go to Target.

We got an email on Friday with more news about the university. While a valiant effort was made to “spin” it, the news was still pretty terrible. The dining services is being outsourced, the baseball program is (seemingly randomly) gone, and about 215 positions will be cut.

No word on how this is going to affect yours truly, but even if I dodge this round my friends at work are surely to feel it. And we’ve already seen waves of people leaving – jumping ship so they don’t have to walk the plank.

So, still stressful and vague. Not doing much for morale – but we’re still working hard and hoping for the best.

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On Saturday morning, I needed some mindless exercise so I got out my trusty reel lawnmower and got the grass cut – human powered. Then I got out the trimmer and went after the edges. Notably, I didn’t do any weeding. I think that I’ve got some interesting looking weeds along the fence in my yard and it seems kind of arbitrary to designate some plants as winners and some as weeds. So, I let them go to see what grows. Also, I’m lazy. I did cut some mint to dry and add to tea – so, I guess I’m a gardener?  Or something?

A late breakfast, and then worked on a temporary repair to the back fence. I’ll make a more permanent repair once I’m sure that the neighbors didn’t open up a hole in the fence on purpose – I suspect it was a line crew working on the pole in the corner of my yard.  Also, they left a couple dozen feet of co-ax cable hanging down – which I thoughtfully tidied up.

Then, a quick clean up and off to lunch.
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Went to the new Mustard Seed Market downtown for lunch. The menus are at the end of the line and while I guess you’re supposed to take those and figure out what you want and then get in line – we didn’t do that. Instead, we got in line and had to quickly figure what we wanted before we got to the cashier.

A little stressful – especially since I’m not a huge fan of… you know… “favor”, but I figured out how to order something that made sense plain and was ready to go at the cashier.

Lunch was with some new friends that Jim had met on facebook. We had a really nice time “in real life” and while I wouldn’t consider myself good at new social situations – I felt like I had know these two for years and we were Catching Up instead of Getting To Know Each Other. Which was a new thing for me – but very cool. We talked long after lunch was done – a good sign – but Jim and I had a wedding to go to and needed to head out.

Also, while the top of my head wasn’t burning – I had on sunblock – I was starting to heat up a bit. 🙂
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Quick clean up and then dress clothes – then off to the wedding. There were snacks and drinks beforehand, then a short and simple exchanging of the vows. And then, they were married. It was kind of amazing when the rest of the traditional service was skipped – they went right for the important bits. Which was totally fine by me – I’m about the least traditional or sentimental person on the planet.  And I am not kidding around on that.

Dinner was pretty good – although, dammit, why do people insist on putting onions in the green beans? What is wrong with you people?

Anyway, lots of cookies and snacks and cake. I did some folding and shared some paper treasures with the kids there – then it was time for music and dancing.

The DJ was, in a word, terrible. I like dancing, but I have my limits and only got out on the dance floor a couple of times. The chicken dance? Really? Again? And they managed to screw up the electric slide. Which I didn’t think was possible.  Sigh.

In reality, the problem wasn’t the music – though it was bad.

It was me.

I’ve got a pretty short shelf life when it comes to parties. Unless I’m really engaged, 2 hours is about my limit. By the time 10 o’clock rolled around, I had been ready to leave for about 2 hours. Nobody’s fault but me – which means I guess I need to be more social to get used to being around a lot of people for longer time. Still…. the chicken dance?

Really?
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Headache this morning when I got up, but after ThunderCat and I watched some Fringe I was feeling better. (Seriously, I think he likes watching it with me.)

Jim wanted to go to Stan Hywet today for the gardens and see the flowers. We got a late start, but still managed to see everything before the rain started. Not exactly my thing, but I did like the glass sculptures and the Japanese gardens. He took tons of pictures and I mostly tagged along and tried to stay out of frame.

I was dragging by the end of the day and had another headache – or the one from the morning came back – but I was better after some tea and sitting quietly on the covered porch with a good book.

Which would scream introvert if that wasn’t an oxymoron . So, it sort of quietly suggested introvert. Really, though, I’m trying so hard.

What I really need to do is start a book club where we don’t discuss books. Instead, we just sit near each other, read books to ourselves, and take turns getting tea.

Ahhhhhh… that would be heaven.

Wow, I actually teared up thinking how nice that would be.  Yikes!  I need to get out more.
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Finally, I think I’m going to make an effort to do more on twitter. Mostly because I decided all my tweets would be in Haiku and it’s a good mental exercise to try and come up with something to say. And make it fit the 5 7 5.

I’ve also got some pictures to add to tumblr tonight. So, I think I’ll close this and spread my social (butterfly) media wings a bit.