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I tend to get songs stuck in my head.  They play on repeat for a while, then another slots in from some other genre.

I recently got a fragment of a jazz song stuck and I could neither place it nor get rid of it.  It was instrumental – so no words to look up – and I couldn’t “sing” it well enough for anyone else to figure it out.  

I assumed it was something I had heard from a Peanuts TV special and I poured through hours of soundtracks to try and find a match.  

I had pretty much given up and the song faded a bit, popping up in my head at odd moments, before  – randomly – I saw a reference to Dave Brubek’s Take Five.  It wasn’t just any jazz song in my head, it was arguably one of the best known.  And once I heard it, the song slotted neatly back into my memory.

—-

More recently, I was listening to a late 90’s/early 2000’s playlist and I was reminded of another song from that era.  I remembered a female singer who belted out the refrain.   British, maybe.  Part of a band.  But that was all I had.

I put some effort into recalling the song and over a few days I could finally get the refrain looping in my head.  The music and the intensity – but no words yet.

Then, a few days ago, I finally recalled enough to bring up part of the phrase she kept repeating: “______as I am”  and I thought the band started with an “S”.  

Not enough yet, so I let that simmer in my head as my unconscious mind tried to slot every word I knew into that title.

Finally, while I was driving and stopped at a light, it clicked.

“Weak as I am” was the line. And the song was called “Weak”.    As the light changed to green, the band popped into my head – “Skunk Anasie”.

Satisfied, I drove on and listened to it when I got home.  Good song, but maybe not one I want add to a playlist.

—

I’ve been writing haikus for long enough that my memories in Facebook are littered with them.  Since there’s one for every day, patterns begin to emerge over the years. 

This morning, the steps and ramp out the back door were so ice covered that the dogs – and I – kept slipping.  Once they were safely inside I went back out to chip away at the thick ice with a small hammer.  It was hard work and I had to stop a few times to rest.  I didn’t get it all cleared and instead looked up Pet Safe Ice Melt.  While I was online I got a notice about memories on facebook and opened it up.  Sure enough, on the same day 4 years ago, I had written a haiku about chipping away at the ice to reach the patio.

I’m not just a creature of habit.  I’m a documented creature of habit.

———–

And now, here in 2026, we have another kind of ICE to worry about.  I’m not going to go into it – there’s enough media and rhetoric for a lifetime of blog posts – but it does remind me of my central problem with the history classes I took in school.

We, as a people, don’t learn anything from the past.  

It doesn’t matter how many dates of wars we memorize or the names of eras and decades we decide on, we keep making the same mistakes of the past.  I always found that frustrating and pointless in school. If we aren’t learning and aren’t getting better at avoiding past mistakes, what’s the point?

Hence, environments where the worst of humanity rise again and again. 

—–

So, I muddle back through my personal memories that are unreliable, but inconsequential,  and wonder if humans will get anything useful out of our own history. 

I was off work today for the holiday and spent some time shoveling the driveway again.  Seems like that’s all I do anymore when I’m not working or sleeping, but it needed to be done and I got to talk to the neighbors for a bit. 

When I was done, I went back inside to take care of the dogs and then decided to treat myself for lunch.  I had a list of errands to run as well, but lunch was first on the list.

I went to Honeygrow – a savory bowl/yogurt/honey bar – and ordered at the kiosk.  That’s the only way to order in person and I took my time building the perfect bowl.  I subtracted a few ingredients, added a few, and topped it off with a drink.  Easy.  I got my cup from the counter then found a small two-person table.  

I had a book with me and started reading while I waited for my food.   It was a good book, but I managed to keep enough of my attention free to listen for my name to be called. 

When they brought over the food I was genuinely grateful – it smelled amazing and I couldn’t wait to get started.  With a book in one hand and a fork in the other, I dropped into a bubble and tuned out the rest of the restaurant. 

And I might as well have been the only person for a hundred miles in any direction – so thoroughly did I tune everything else out.

When I finally got to my last few bites I “surfaced” and took stock of my surroundings.  The restaurant had been nearly deserted when I walked in and was now bustling with people ordering at the kiosks, waiting for to-go orders, or trying to find a table.   I realized a family of 5 was near me looking for a table and if I vacated, they would have the table of 4 next to me and my table as well.  I finished up, collected my tray and book, and offered them my seat.

I took my tray and dishes to the bin and refilled my drink on the way out.

It’s been a while since I’ve lost myself so thoroughly in a book – the phone has made my attention span go to shit – but I was in a bubble while I ate and read. 

But the meal ended and I was back in the real world.  I went on about my way and carried a little of that simple peace on my travels. 

I had been lost for a little while there and I was more than fine with that.

It had been a long day and I had one more errand to run before I could go home and eat. I needed to get pet food. (obviously, pet food for the pets and then I would go home and eat human food.)   I was pulling into a shared parking lot, heading for Petsmart, and a woman and her two daughters emerged from Guitar center – with the mom and one daughter carrying guitar cases.  They stepped off the curb – without looking, of course – and I came to a complete stop.  The mom saw me, finally, and stepped back up onto the curb.  Since I was already stopped, I motioned for them to proceed.  Because I am a thoughtful and reasonable individual – the fact of which will become important in a moment.

They proceeded across the drive – the mom in the lead and the daughter with the case first and the other daughter trailing behind. 

The first two made it across the drive, but the second daughter instead came to a complete stop – directly in front of my car.   Still facing forward, she extended her arms in front and behind her like some junior crossing guard.  Then she turned and looked directly at me – as though to let me know that she was now in charge of the situation and I needed to follow her commands.

My friends, I tell you now that:

I have never wanted to flip off a child as much as I did in that moment.

But, I didn’t.   I also wanted to put my foot more firmly on the brake, drop it into neutral, and rev my engine to give her a scare.  

I didn’t do that either.

Instead, I locked eyes with her – staring daggers through my windshield.

There was a moment of perfect communication where she understood this was not a game and that she was not in control of the situation.   She lowered her arms, faced forward again, and finished walking across the drive.

I waited a moment, then proceeded slowly along the drive into the parking lot. 

Because I am a reasonable and thoughtful individual – even when I’ve had a long day.  

I was doing a little house cleaning on my day off since I’m a party animal and wanted to listen to a little music while I worked.  As opposed to whistling, I suppose. 

The “smart” TV has the best and most central sound system in the house and I fired it up and opened the Youtube app.  I laboriously used the remote to enter “aimee mann lost in space full” and by that point it found her full album – two versions, in fact.  One had 11 tracks and the other had 12.  

Thinking it was a bonus song, I started up  the 12 track version and started on my work around the house.  

I had to keep coming back after each song to skip the ads and I was in the kitchen when another one came on.  I was washing dishes and didn’t want to bother drying off my hands and going back to the living room to push the skip button.  I figured it would end soon enough and get back to the music, but it didn’t.  After a couple of minutes, I went to investigate this long ad.

But, it wasn’t an ad.  It was a track in the play list.  The graphic was an animated sheet of music and the title was “Unreleased”.  Instead of music, it was a voice speaking. 

The voice was clearly AI.  The script was also clearly AI generated.  And the topic was, unfortunately, all about the virtues of crypto currency.

The track was 57 minutes long.

I picked up the remote and worked my way back to the menu. In and among the tracks of Aimee Mann’s “Lost in Space” album was this AI slop.  I skipped past it and the album resumed – with ordinary commercials in between the songs as expected. 

Later on, I looked up this tracklist on my computer’s youtube account and found the owner.  All of their “full album” versions had this garbage track inserted somewhere. 

This person – if it’s even a person and not a bot – played on the idea that some people like to listen to a whole album by an artist they like.  They pulled all the tracks together and then inserted this “Unreleased” track as a tease.

It has 6.3 million views.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

There’s a national chain of sub shops (no, not that one. or that one. ) near our house and we like to get dinner there some evenings.  There’s an app, of course, and usually the wait time is such that I need to leave to go pick them up shortly after I place the order.    The subs are good too.

Earlier this month on a Sunday evening I fired up the app and placed an order.  With the two subs, chips, and drinks it was about thirty bucks.  I got the expected wait time, waited, then headed out. 

When I arrived I could see the store was dark – though the Open side was lit – and there was a sign on the door.  I got out and approached the door to see the sign more clearly.  It was hand written and stuck to the door with the stickers they use to close up the wrappers on subs.  And it said that they were closed for a family emergency – starting at 4 pm that day – but they would be open the next day. 

Which did me no good.  It was already later than I wanted to eat so I snapped a picture of the sign and got back in my car. 

We had taco bell for dinner that night.

The next day I reached out to the corporate office via a satisfaction survey link in the email confirmation. I explained what had happened, asked for a refund and noted I had a picture of the sign – though there was no place to upload it in the form.

A few hours later I got a very apologetic email back that they would reach out to the management for the store – who would get back to me.

I didn’t reply – there wasn’t anything to say – and waited for a response from the management.

About a week passed and I hadn’t heard anything from the store.  I did get an email asked me to rate the response I got from corporate, which I ignored since I couldn’t judge if they were helpful until I actually got a response from the store.  Sigh. Pointless automation…

With no response, I replied back to corporate via the email and asked if they had any updates – or if I should go a different route.   I included a note about the transaction being posted instead of refunded, the details about the order from the app, and the photo of the sign.

They responded back fairly quickly again – still super apologetic – but sadly couldn’t provide a timeframe when I might hear back.  They suggested I reach out to the store directly.

Now, I’m not great at confrontation.   I prefer the civilized exchange of emails to going in all ablaze demanding a refund. 

But, it was dinner time again and off I went.  I went into the store and up to the counter and asked if I could see about a redo or a refund on an online order.  (I actually would have preferred a redo since it was dinner time.)

The manager was brought over – but not the manager for that store.  It was a manager from another store covering and he politely asked how he could help.

I explained the situation again, showed him the order info and amount, and the photo of the sign.  He apologized, but wasn’t able to help me right then since it wasn’t his store.  He would have to call the manager of that location to see what they could do.  I left my contact info and departed – hungry still.

I was driving down the road when my phone rang and I pulled off to answer it safely.  It was the manager for the other store who had talked to the manager of that store and gotten permission to do a refund – along with an apology to pass along about the app being open while the store was closed. 

He took my credit card info over the phone – at least I didn’t have to go back – and said that it might take a couple of days for the refund to be processed since it was the weekend.  But, if it didn’t, he would have the receipt at the store and I could stop back. 

We had taco bell again that night.

I checked my bank account and it looks like the refund has finally been processed.  So, in the new year I guess, we can order from there again.

I’m left with questions:

1. Why didn’t the app get turned off if the store was closed?
2. How many other people placed an order on the app or on Door Dash or whatever?
   • Wouldn’t they all have had issues?
3. Why didn’t the manager reach out to everyone that had an unfulfillable order?
4. And what, if anything, did corporate do other than issue empty apologies?

I guess it all worked out in the end, but I would have liked a more efficient outcome with fewer steps.  If the manager hadn’t been able to sort out the refund, that would have been it and I would have deleted the app.  

There’s only so far I’ll go for a sub, after all. And lots of places to get one.

Including that one place.

And that other place.

I have a crack in my sole.

I’ve been out walking the neighborhood looking for our missing cat and noticed that my sock was getting wet.  I checked when I got home and sure enough there was a crack running across the sole of my shoe.  

I needed new shoes – but I hate buying shoes. 

I went to the mall to the discount shoe store and tried my luck. I found a style that I liked at a reasonable price – but of course they didn’t have my size.

I found a similar style in my size, but it was $84 dollars.  I’m sorry, marked down to $84.

I found specialty shoes that looked like ordinary shoes. Dress shoes for occasions I would never attend.  And tons of shoes that would break the bank.

I gave up in a sour mood and looked online.  I found shoes that were in my price range and looked reasonable, but the brands were from China and featured names like GYPAF or CEQHG. Very “sus”, as the kids would say.

Days passed with frequently wet socks and I tried another shoe store. I had worse luck there – even the clearance section with the cryptic color scheme for the discounts amounted to bank-breaking prices.

I gave up, frustrated, and headed back to amazon. This time, I found adidas shoes – normally $64 and marked down to $26. I ordered them and a book -but it’s amazon so I’m fully expecting to get plastic clown shoes or size 18 high heels.

It’s all just a scam.  The shoes are just shoes and aren’t really anything special. And the prices are meaningless – if you can mark it down to reduce the price by $40, then what are they really worth?

The shoes – however they might be – will arrive on Tuesday of next week. We’ll see if they are what the website claimed. I’m hopeful – because I’m tired of wet socks during a rainy Fall.

On Monday of this week there was a division meeting called at work with very little notice.  In this video call, we learned that one of our colleagues was no longer at the University – but that she would be helping with a transition plan. 

We didn’t know if this was a voluntary or involuntary separation – or whatever the current euphemism is.   We just knew she was gone and it was effective immediately. 

I was tasked with removing her from the email lists, the website, access to update the website, and a few forms.  I also helped set up a more generic email address to replace her contact information in some key areas.  It took most of the day, but it tellingly did not include her email or Teams account. 

On Tuesday, she reached out to me via chat message with two updates to the website.  They were reasonable requests and things we could/should have done months ago – but the timing was…well…odd.  I verified the requests and made the changes.  On my way home that day, I got another message from her with a request for some research on communications plans to share with our boss.  Well, I guess her former boss.  It was after hours for me and I politely noted I would look into it in the AM.  She was deeply apologetic – more so than the situation required. 

I did the reasearch in the morning and sent her an email with all the files, screenshots, and links.   Nothing that wasn’t or hadn’t been public – but still took some doing to pull it all together.

She responded later that afternoon, thanking me for the work.  Then she said it would likely be the last time I heard from her – which sounded a little dark – and then proceeded to write the absolutely nicest email I’ve gotten from anyone.  How good it had been to work with me, how good I was at my job, how good I was at explaining things and helping people, and how everyone liked working with me. 

I thought about this awhile and tried to manage a kind and thoughtful reply.  I sent the email, not sure it would even reach her anymore, then went and got a doughnut since I clearly needed the sugar.

The complication was that she wasn’t the easiest person to work with herself. I remember one phone call early on where she tried to get me to go behind my boss’s back.   It was very obvious and I quickly turned the conversation to safer ground.  But, it was enough to give me a measure of her and I was a little extra careful in future conversations and projects.   And not entirely surprised when I heard rumblings of problems from other colleagues who worked with her more closely. 

I don’t know what really happened and might never know.  But, it’s easy enough to just take things at face value and take the compliment.  

I hope she lands on her feet and has a clear path ahead of her. 

—

While I was working on setting up that new email address, I found that it was already in use by another department and assigned to a former co-worker of mine.  

We had worked together fresh out of college in the same department doing computer support. Between the two of us, we could fix anything and solve any problem.  Hardware, software, network, whole computer labs – you name it, we were there making things better.  

The department underwent a reorg and we started doing different jobs and started to drift apart a bit.  Still friends, but a distance began.  I got reassigned to the nascent webteam and the divergence widened the gap. 

Soon enough, the conversations became less frequent and phone calls were stilted.   What we had in common was no longer common.

He got married to one of my friends from another department and she called me out of the blue wondering why he and I had drifted apart.  It was really no reason other than the work change, but she wondered if there was something more.  Things were not going well between them and it seemed like he had changed.

The conversations were even less frequent over time and months might pass between them.  

I figured that the time spent sorting out the email address might give us a chance to catch up, but instead I found out from his boss that my co-worker had left UA in September.

Again, not any clarity on the circumstances – other than that they had kept it low-key.

On his facebook page, he had a cryptic post about mental health but nothing that really explained anything. 

On LinkedIn, both of them still showing as working at UA – as if we needed any more proof of the uselessness of that platform.

So, two colleagues in one day – at least for me – separated from the organization.  One that I didn’t really know and one I thought I did.

Left me a little melancholy – thinking back to the years that have gone past and wondering what is next to come.

I almost got hit by a truck on the drive to work this week.

I was on 77 south on my usual route and had already navigated the two tricky lane changes to get lined up for my exit.  In front of me were the two lanes that curved up to Route 59.  I was in the right hand of those – the “exit” only – and to my right was the exit coming up for Lakeshore.  

Just at the cut-off point for the Lakeshore exit, a huge 4×4 truck comes out of nowhere from my left, swerves in front of me in an instant, then swerves again to get in the lane for the Lakeshore exit.

I had a moment to swear and that was it.  The truck wasn’t there, then it was right in front of me, then it was gone. 

I focused on keeping my car under control and didn’t look to see if he managed to stay in the exit lane or if he went off the road.  His vectors must have been intense.

Later on, it occurred to me that if he had been just a little bit slower or if I had been going just a little bit faster or if he had timed it just a little bit wrong – there would have been a terrible accident.  

I drive a four-door civic and in that situation I wouldn’t have stood a chance. The impact would have from the left and no air bag could have helped.

But, all of that was “almost”.  It was a close call, but no impact, no damage, no injury. It almost happened, but didn’t.

Made me think about the other “almost” situations that I might not have known about.  

Is it fate? Is it chance?  Some cosmic plan or just a fluke? 

In any case, too much to dwell on.  I’m okay and nothing really happened.

But it was a lot of “almost” all at once.

It was a few days ago – Jim had leftovers so I was on my own for dinner.  I decided on a trip to the “slightly further away but also much nicer” Taco Bell and headed out. 

I ordered my food and considered eating it there – I had brought a book with me – but decided that eating in that soul-less restaurant was less healthy for me than the food.

(2 chicken enchilada burritos, nacho fries, and a medium pepsi)

I got my food and figured it was just warm enough to eat in the park.   

Once at the park, I began to regret my decision.  It was, as I found, not quite warm enough.  I found a picnic bench in the deserted park as far from shade as I could get and positioned myself in full view of the soon-to-be setting sun.

I ate my burritos quickly as I read my book – playing that careful game with the wind and the napkins to prevent everything from blowing away. 

When I was done, I packed up my trash and headed to the trashcan and then back towards my car. 

As I walked down the sidewalk I realized that the wall next to me was warm.  The bricks had soaked up all the heat from the sun and felt like a slowly cooling oven.  I pressed my hand to the bricks and smiled – then leaned into the wall and pressed my cold head against the bricks. 

It felt like a warm and kind hug and I could have stayed there until the sun set.   Instead, I pulled myself away and went home. It was just a moment…

Earlier today, I took the dogs outside at lunch time and stopped in the shadow of a tree.  I considered going back inside to get a coat – it was that cold – but then I took another step into the sunlight.  And for a moment, it was like summer again.  

Then a breeze came and cloud obscured the sunbeam.  And soon it was time to go back inside.

Tonight, Jim was driving as we ran errands and went to dinner. I was in the passenger seat with my eyes closed, lulled by the steady noise of the car and the warmth on my face.  Just for a moment, it was peaceful.

I think that might be my favorite season. 

Late fall, with an unexpected splash of summer. 

I pulled to a stop at a light while on a trip to pick up pizza and I heard a loud “thunk” from the rear of the car. I assumed that something had fallen in the trunk – I keep emergency supplies, an umbrella, and an ice scraper back there – but when I got somewhere safe and popped the trunk, nothing was out of place. Any nothing seemed loud enough to have made that amount of noise. The car generally seemed louder on the drive home and I got a little more worried.

When I got home I took the pizza in and ate while it was still hot – then went out to check the car again. This time, I squatted down and cranked my neck to see under the car. And my muffler was hanging down at a jaunty angle.

Crap.

This was a Friday night and when I went back inside I hopped online to make an appointment with Midas. They had an appointment available on Saturday morning at 10 and I booked it – only to get a message that it wasn’t really booked until got a confirmation.

Since this was well after hours I didn’t know how that would work or who would be confirming that, but about 20 minutes later I got an email confirming my appointment – then a text message reminder too. I have no idea why there was that extra step since it wasn’t human-initiated.

Saturday morning I was up early and got to the repair shop a few minutes before 10. They took my keys and I waited in the lobby with a book while they worked on an estimate.

When the estimate came around, it was more than I was expected. Which, really, I should have expected. (Ha!)

The tech asked if I wanted to proceed with that and I had a wild thought about asking if it might just repair itself. But, I didn’t ask that insane question – not knowing if the guy would appreciate the attempt at humor – and agreed to the repairs.

It was about 10:30 and they said it would be done by 1:00. I had considered waiting if it was shorter than that, but my book wasn’t long enough. I also thought about walking over to the mall since it was nearby, but that was still quite a while to wait.

So, I started walking home and called Jim to see if he could bring me back. I was fighting a cold and while I was sure I could handle the walk home, I might not have the engry to get back.

He told me to wait and that he would come pick me up. We arranged a location, he picked me up, and we went home to eat an early lunch.

By 11:45, the car was done and I got a text. I could have just waited and saved Jim a couple of trips if I’d known, but he took me back to pick up my car.

I paid the bill, got my receipt and lifetime warrenty emailed to me, and drove my quiet car home.

I’m lucky that I could afford it, that I could get it scheduled, and that it went quickly.

And, all in all, cheaper than a new car payment.