Author: anthony Page 36 of 72

Last night I had a multi-tasking dream. Espionage, aliens, a garage sale, a boat trip, climbing a tree, zombies, and time travel. I went back and forth between these dreamlets and many others before I finally dragged myself out of sleep. Really tired this morning and not looking forward to a day of multi-tasking at work. It was weird, I’m usually really on point when I dream. Defend the planet, rewrite history, destroy a sentient subway system – pretty basic stuff. This was all over the map.
————–

The recent rains – i.e. all summer – have brought back the slugs to my back porch. Huge ones – and as bright orange as sherbet.

Great.

Now I want orange sherbet and I’m also grossed out by the thought of eating it.

I’ve been observing them and have avoided touching any of them – that orange “stuff” is insidious.

I clearly have some issues with slugs and I’ve decided to start some aversion therapy on myself. I recently bought some fake banana slugs that claim to be sticky and slimy. I’m hoping that if I handle these in a controlled environment, I can work my way up to the real things – sometime before the summer ends and they go hide where-ever slugs hide for the winter.  Which, I suspect, is in the souls of innocents.

Note that I said the fake slugs “claim” to be sticky and slimy. I haven’t actually taken them out of the package yet.

Yeah.

So, we’ll see how that goes…
—————–

When I broke my arm, the muscles around the elbow got kinda messed up. That, along with not using that side for a long time, meant that my left hand has lost some strength.

And my physical therapist has been on my case about not working it enough.

Sigh.

So, I’ve been using some – and this is the real name – Power Putty. It’s essentially silly putty, but blue. And the blue must make it firmer – this is not your dad’s silly putty. No, this is industrial strength silly putty.

According to the packing, the Dark Blue (Medium) is one step down from the highest level – Firm (Dark Green).

I’ve been squeezing this a few times a day until the heat of my hand makes it too easy. It’s working – the PT was impressed at my progress – but boring. I haven’t used it to copy comics from the newspaper or modeled this into any obscene shapes. I just squeeze it, fold it over, and squeeze it again. Over and over.

I’m going to see if they’ll upgrade me next time I go in. Maybe with the Dark Green I’ll gain so much hand strength I’ll be able to crush a baseball.

HULK SMASH! Huh, maybe that’s why the firmest is Dark green…

—————–

Today is the second of the days we’ve speculated that layoffs may come. End of the fiscal year and all. So far, all is quiet.

The computer center had a minor flood, I had chicken and rice for lunch, and it’s pretty much a normal day here. If we don’t get any word today, then all bets are off and even the speculation breaks down.

Normal and strange – all in one day.

“In fearful day, in raging night,
With strong hearts full, our souls ignite.
When all seems lost in the war of Light,
Look to the stars – for Hope burns bright”

-Blue Lantern Oath

Seems fitting, this week, to throw on a blue power ring and spread some Hope around. We saw:

The condemnation of the Confederate flag – a symbol of bigotry and treason. Getting rid of the flag won’t change people and magically get rid of racism, but it gives those that would treat people differently by the color of their skin one less thing to hide behind.

Affordable health care – a chance to help people and be good to each other. Until the health care system can be fixed and made inherently more reasonable and affordable, helping people pay for their insurance seems like a great idea to me. Is the system perfect? No. But it’s better than one ruled by greed and financial attacks on those that can least afford it.

Gay marriage – the pursuit of happiness. That’s right out of the declaration of independence. Along with “all men are created equal”. Seems like would be pretty easy to follow – self-evident, even. 🙂 Everyone is equal and we’re allowed to try and be happy. There are no guarantees on the happiness part, but we are allowed to at least try.

I think that’s an important part of the gay marriage argument. People are equal and we should all be able to have the same chance to be happy – and that includes making a lifetime commitment to someone that we love. Why is that so damn complicated?

It’s not over, of course. Those that will put their beliefs and ideas ahead of the well-being of other people will certainly pop back up and argue that they are right and everyone else is wrong. And I’ll roll my eyes, bite my tongue, and shake my head.  And drop them from my news feed on facebook.

But for now, there is Hope.

—————–

On a more personal note, there is still Fear. We still do not have any word yet on who will be affected by layoffs at the university. My gift of thinking in probabilities turned against me Thursday night and every scenario I came up with was dark. It was well after midnight before I could quiet my head and drag myself through a fitful night of sleep.

At work on Friday morning – one of the days we’d guessed that the layoff might commence – I was literally sick with worry. And yet, I still shouldered on and got my job done. What else is there to do? And while I organized projects, built webpages, and helped people – there was Fear.

That I wouldn’t end the day with a job.

I don’t have any reason to believe that I’m more likely to be singled out and laid off. I work hard, I care about the students, and I get along with people. But I’m still anxious.

And that’s a weird feeling for me. I don’t get anxious much – pretty much only when I’m trying to get somewhere at a certain time and I’m not sure where I’m going. That’s about it. For everything else I quickly look at all the angles and figure out courses of action. Things line up, I pick a path, and I’m done.

But this isn’t working because I don’t have enough data. And so, Fear.

———————-

The house it quiet today and the rain is coming down. I’m going to log off and head for the basement to do some cleaning and organizing. I’ll surface at lunch time to see if the weather has changed, but even if it hasn’t, I may take myself for a walk.

And maybe clear my head a bit so I can enjoy the Hope.

My sister, brother-in-law, and their family were in town last weekend on their way to a camping trip. My house was a good stopping off point in their trip and they arrived Saturday afternoon. My nieces enjoyed the park and we went out to dinner that evening, then had dessert and played games while the girls watched cartoons. They stayed the night, had breakfast with me in the morning, then got on the road.

I think everyone had a good time and even ThunderCat was well behaved. When they left on Sunday, though, the house was so very quiet. Almost aggressively quiet. Not that my nieces are ill-behaved, but they are little and little kids are lively.

The quiet, along with it being Father’s day weekend, got me thinking about family. I like where my life is and the shape it has taken for the most part, but I wonder if I had shaped it to include kids of my own. There’s a little part of me that wonders if things had been different – would I have been a good dad?

It’s not that likely at this point in my life, but… what if?

Would I have the patience for 24/7 dad? Would I raise smart and kind children? I like to think I would. And I really enjoy being an uncle to my nieces and to the kids of my friends.

And it’s enough. Most of the time.

I talked to my Dad on Father’s day and went with Jim to visit his father’s grave. I know a lot of fathers and I respect what they do – and I think my brother-in-law is doing an awesome job.

And sometimes I wish for just a little bit more.

———————-
Work has been busy and stressful – and uncertain. The president announced recently that there would be layoffs. Not for cause, perhaps not tied to seniority or job title – just… arbitrary. A line item on the budget to be crossed off. Cold and cruel…there is really no other way to describe it.

I’ve been at the university for nearly 18 years and this is first time I’m afraid for my job. And at the moment, we don’t know anything – other than as many as 200 people may be affected. Or so the rumor goes.

So, we wait. And speculate. And worry. Will it be me? Will it be someone I know? What will I do? What will they do? Can I help? Can they help me?

I’m still putting in my 8 hours a day, still working hard to solve problems and help people, and dreading when we finally know.

Tomorrow I’ll be focused and working hard.

Tonight, though, I’m drifting.

You know those shadowy government types that reluctantly reveal documents and then redact information out of them until they are meaningless? I’m now one of them.

It started with a request by a former student that contacted a department on campus – their name was showing up on a document on our site as the result of a google search.

And they wanted it removed. The department contacted my boss who then assigned it to me. Based on their notes on where the reference lived, I located the offending PDF file and used the “redact” tool to draw a big black line through the name – removing it from the document and eventually from google once the index updates.

It was an odd request. There wasn’t anything about the entry that was defaming or inappropriate. Nothing that could be used against someone as far as I can tell. Nothing to really warrant removing it – which it why we didn’t fight it.

Even though it didn’t really mean anything, it still bothered me to go all “1984” on the file. Or not even that much – we didn’t change the past so much as draw a line through it. Crude, but effective, I guess.

I’m hoping this doesn’t start a trend – I’m busy enough adding information and don’t want to spend my time redacting it.

Though I will admit that I like the word. Redact. See, it’s fun to say even if it is kinda evil.

Redact.

This line has been redacted – sort of. The real thing would remove the text and what’s the point of going to the trouble of typing this if it’s really gone?  So, not really redacted, just kinda.

I signed up for the dollar shave club recently and got my first set of blades. They work pretty well – though the head is a little wide – and the price was good. I did notice two things:

1. I feel compelled to shave my face more frequently since I’ve got four blade heads in reserve and more on the way.

2. I’m never going to be able to keep up. Even shaving every other day is crazy frequent for me and the first blade head I’ve used looks brand new.

I guess I’ll just build up a stock pile and then cancel – and be set for years.

————-
The arm brace – aka “the rack” – has been helping with my mobility and I’m making good progress. The experience of actually using the device is still… well… miserable.

So, I took a bunch of pictures of the brace, annotated them, and put together some design suggestions.

Which is super-presumptuous. I’m not an engineer or a designer – I’m a computer guy. But I’ve got some experience in “user experience” and a flair for problem solving.

I converted the file to a PDF and emailed it to the company. That was yesterday and I haven’t heard back yet. And it’s likely that I won’t – after all, what do I know? But, I tried and that’s the important bit. Nothing that can be done about the rack I’ve got, but a new model might be able to incorporate some suggestions and someone else might not be so miserable.

I also took a copy of the notes to my physical therapist and she thought it was excellent – for whatever that’s worth. 🙂

I included my contact info in the email. At best, maybe they’ll have more questions. Or they’ll just ignore me. Eh. Again, I tried.
—————-

I’m been kicking ass – so to speak – in the pool. I never “officially” race my co-worker since that’s not what it’s about. Unofficially, though, we race every damn time we get in the pool. Every. Time.

On Monday, I was hauling ass in the pool and doing great – right up until the halfway point on my last lap. I got a huge stabbing pain – it literally felt like I had been stabbed in my elbow. I slammed to a halt a couple yards from the end of the lane and treaded water for a moment while I clutched my elbow. I kicked my way to the end and contemplated the return trip to shallow end. Certain I didn’t have the power to haul myself out of the pool yet, I rolled to my side and kicked off.

I reached across my torso to clutch my rigth side with my left hand with my right arm I dragged myself through the water with a one-armed side stroke. I made it back and from the shallow end I was able to get out of the pool. Not using my arm helped as did the hot shower and by the time I was back at the office it was fine.  Ish.

On Wednesday, it hit me again in the pool. Not as bad and I recovered with a minute or two of rest. My PT said it’s not something to worry about as long as it doesn’t last.

But, still, a little scary.

I’ll be glad when I’m back to “normal” – or as close as I can expect to get.

I’ll also be glad when the rain stops around here and my basement stops flooding. But…. Ohio.

’nuff said.

On Saturday morning, I got up super early and drove to a campground to spend some time with my family. The GPS did a good job, right up until it decided I need to turn “RIGHT NOW” down a road that did not exist. It was fine with the next road, but started to freak out again and I turned it off and just followed the signs.

I got to the campground before anyone was awake and waited until folks started moving around a bit. We had breakfast, played with a giant bubble maker, and road bikes for a bit. I had a few small gifts for my Dad for an early father’s day – then off to the playground and ice cream on the way back.

We were sitting around and chatting for a bit, then the thunder started to sound. We got all the gear under cover as the rain started and then, curiously, it did not stop. So, dinner was under the canopy and so was dessert and also the clean up and the rain just kept coming down. We emptied the canopy a few times as pockets filled up with water.

My sister and brother-in-law cleared some space in their camper so we could get out of the rain and play games.

While were playing, there was a sudden crash from outside. Looking out the windows we saw an animal had pulled down the water-logged trash bag. Here’s what happened:

I rushed outside and confronted the beast. It was enormous, nearly as wide as the camper and filled with rage at being disturbed. I brandished my weapon – glowing with an eldrich light – and charged forward, shouting a war cry as I flung myself into battle.

The creature responded with a roar, fire and acid pouring from its fang-lined mouth in turn. I shouted again and it retreated a step, wary of my aggressive posture. Another step back and then it surged forward again – intent on my destruction.

But I would not be cowed. My family, nay, civilization depended on me and my next actions would shape the course of destiny. I raised my weapon and drove it back into the darkness, hissing and sputtering in impotent rage.

I stared into the darkness, into the abyss of its absence, and the abyss stared back into me.

From the perspective of my family, it looked to them like a raccoon got into the trash and I chased it off a couple of times while holding a glow stick.

But it was a big raccoon. Seriously.

With the rain stopped and the crisis averted, I brushed my teeth and went to bed in a tent.

I was up early the next morning – having not slept well and needing to use the bathroom – and waited until the rest of the crew was up. We hung out a bit, packed up the gear, and headed out.

Again, my GPS played games with me and sent me on a short, but extra wild, goose chase before settling down and directing me home.

A good trip, despite the rain and the wildlife. I think my Dad enjoyed the early father’s day celebration and I know my nieces had fun too.

Next time, I’ll try to document the raccoon if it comes back.

Seriously, it was huge.

I have developed allergies.

I don’t really know when it happened, but this spring/summer has been inconsistently terrible. I’ve been sneezing a lot and I think I’m about 23% mucus at the moment – trending upward.

And last night I was so miserable I took an allergy pill before I went to bed. Which I think would somewhat explain the dream I had.

Earth was being invaded by a hostile alien force. They had been hiding underwater and built a huge ship to transport human captives back to their homeworld. I figured out what they were doing and forced their timetable forward. While masters of the electromagnetic spectrum, their reliance on that technology was their undoing. I organized the disruption of their communications, led the attack on their main vessel, captured one of the scouts in my cell phone (it was really ticked off), and – when the transport ship rose above the water – I forced my way on board and got 20,000 people evacuated in 6 hours.

It was exhausting and I woke up more tired than when I went to bed. And the allergy pill? Well, as Marilyn Manson would say in his song, “I don’t like the drugs, but the drugs like me,”

That allergy pill wanted to pull me back into bed and cuddle. I fought my way out of its embrace and dragged my sorry ass into work.

I’m still a little hazy, but I’m hoping the diet coke and pop tarts – and a swim a little later – will wake me up enough to get me through the rest of the day.

Last weekend, I was running some errands and decided to grab a bite to eat. I considered Wendy’s since I like their food and it was on the way – but this Wendy’s has a terribly difficult exit – enough to make me skip it and find something else if the traffic was bad.

So, instead of pulling in, I drove on past and got stopped by traffic – inadvertently (and only partially) blocking the exit. This is the reason I don’t like to eat there – too easy to get stuck trying to leave. There was no one waiting to exit and I figured that the traffic would clear shortly.

Before it did, however, a jeep pulled through the drive through and tried to exit. I pulled up as far as I could, but even though it was enough for the driver to get past – it still wasn’t enough.

As he pulled out into traffic behind me – crossing three lanes as he did so – he sounded his horn and flipped me off.

I just shook my head. I didn’t deserve that, but if it made him feel better – so be it.

A few days later, I was headed into work and saw an ambulance coming up behind me. I dutifully pulled over – and so did everyone else on the road – to give way. It was important and we were patient. With the guy in the jeep it clearly wasn’t important (even if he was having a burger emergency he already had that by the time I encountered him), and he was completely impatient.

I don’t know what’s to be learned by those experiences – except that I try not to get stuck in that lane anymore.

————-

I’ve got a couple of “idle games” on my phone. This genre is about clicking or tapping a bit to earn the equivalent of money in the games – then using that to “buy” some kind of process to click/tap on your behalf. There are then multipliers and ever increasing “costs” to gain more automation and more multiplies. In short order, the game is playing itself with only minimal intervention from me. I like to imagine the furious amounts of math the device is churning through to reward me with a few hundred trillion of whatever.

I wonder if computers enjoy doing math? If there is some satisfaction from really getting a good compression out of a PDF or a delicious bit of encryption? If high speed internet tastes better than dial-up?

I hope so. I’d hate to be on the “wrong side” when the Robot Uprising begins…

———————

I had a physical therapy appointment today and found that I have learned something. If a physical therapist says, “Let’s try something,” it’s going to hurt in some new and interesting way.

Today was the use of hard plastic wedges to scrape at my bicep. The process helps restore proper blood flow to an area and will loosen up the muscle. You can tell it’s working when the skin turns a blotchy red and tiny capillaries begin to break under the skin. Bruising is not unusual.

It feels just about how you would expect it to – not a pleasant experience. I think the PT was showing off a bit for the intern that was on hand, but I guess it helped. I’ll use the “rack” later on and see how it goes.

—————

I noticed some water in my bathroom on the floor the other day. I had been leaving the window open and I figured I got some rain in there. I also noticed some water on the counter in my kitchen and thought initially it was the cold pack I’d left out. But then I mentally mapped out my house and realize the bathroom and the kitchen were lined up vertically. I got a definitive answer when I flushed the toilet and saw a little water pool under the bowl – then went downstairs to see the water dripping from the ceiling. After physical therapy this morning, I went to Home Depot and got a new wax ring. I’ve had this problem before and figured I needed to upgrade. This one proclaimed itself – “Better than Wax”.

From start to finish – including clean-up – was just under an hour to replace the existing ring. Not to shabby for a non-plumber. I didn’t have any leaks so we’ll see how it goes over time.

My most recent trip to physical therapy was somewhat less than stellar. I saw a new PT – this is the 5th person I’ve seen – and while he was quite pleasant, he wasn’t that effective. He did tell me to stop using the brace in the flexion mode since it appeared I have a physical limit there. Instead, I should spend time in extension mode since they think I can get a little more out of it.

So, I’ve been going for 40-45 minutes in a session with the brace and discovered something. With that extra bit of time and cranking, I can take the “rack” to the limit. My arm, then, is as straight as it will go. It hurt quite a bit and it doesn’t last, but it’s something. I’ve been trying to do more with heat first and cold after and I guess/hope that it’s helping. Sure don’t want 3 more months of this.

——————

I’m on my feet all day at work (by choice, I have a standing desk) and I walk around a lot when I’m not at work. As a consequence, I’m rough on my shoes and I had to get a new pair for work.

Now, I’m not a fan of shoes in general – I would much rather be barefoot or wear flip flops – and I freaking hate shopping for shoes.

Mostly because I don’t understand the subtle nuance of shoes that can make two virtually identical pairs cost vastly different amounts. I saw a pair that would have worked at Walmart – though they didn’t have my size, of course – for $30. At another store, nearly identical shoes were $80. Right next to the $70 flip flops. If I spent $10 on flip-flips, I expect them to be pre-bedazzled.

I ended up going to three different stores before I found a reasonable style, at reasonable price, in my size.  I am very thoroughly a size ten in shoes.

Why was that so difficult? Is it because I don’t buy into the shoe mystique? What I really need is a no-hype shoe store. I don’t really care abut the presumed features or the pedigree of the designer, I just don’t want to get in trouble at work for not wearing shoes.

I’m sure we have a rule about that.

So, tomorrow, I’m wearing my new shoes for the first day since I got them and I’ll be breaking them in.

And maybe planning a new career change in shoe sales.

“Anthony’s No Hype shoes”, maybe?
————————

Since I’m a compulsive folder, I always have little squares of paper in my pocket. It’s pretty much – keys, wallet, phone, paper and pen… when I head out the door.

When something happens or occurs to me while I’m out and about, I’ll jot down a note so I can write about it later. It’s usually just a word or two to help me remember what was going on or what I was thinking about. I’ll carry around the paper for a few days until I’m ready to blog, then I’ll use that as a reference. For example, the paper for today has:

Limit (as in, I took the brace to the limit)
Shoes (of my shoe shopping trip)
Finger (about getting flipped off while driving)
idle (about idle games on my phone)

I’ve covered two today and I’ll write about finger and idle some other day.

Also on that paper, though, is the word:

Suitable.

I have no idea what that’s about. Was it a pun? Was it ironic? It must have been significant at the time, but I don’t know what it’s about. I think I just created a mystery for myself and I suppose I could retrace my steps and figure out what it meant, but I suspect it’s not really that important.

Not that this blog is going to usher in a new age of civilization or anything, but I’m guessing this was even less important.

In any case, I’ve only got a few days to work it out before I start a new piece of paper – which will be right around the time I write about those other two items.