Author: anthony Page 26 of 72

When I am asked to give my name at a restaurant – either to get a table or to later claim my food – I usually give my middle name:

Wade

It’s not exactly a common name – more so as a last name – but it’s also not that uncommon. Short, easy to type and say – and since I used to go by Wade when I was younger, hearing someone say it gets my attention.

And it maybe throws off some data points if someone is tracking me. Just saying.

Unfortunately, as simple as the name is, people still somehow mess it up. This usually shows on the receipt – sometimes, I’m:

WAYDE

What? Is that really a name? Looks like it should be pronounced
Waaaaaade.

Even when they ask me to spell it, that can go awry too. Today, at Wendy’s, I was W-A-D-E:

WADD

Yeah, not one of my finer moments.

I guess it’s not really a big deal – not like they got this wrong on my diploma or birth certificate – but… still…

We are not our names. We are something else that wears a name like a jacket or a pair of shoes.

And for a little while today, I was wearing WADD.

The burger tasted the same no matter how my name was spelled and I guess that’s what counts. The fries were good too.

And then it was back to work and back to Anthony.  Can’t imagine how badly that one could get mangled.  All those letters…

Last November, I decided that our office needed some decoration.  We’ve got an outer lobby area near the elevator before entering our suite and it seemed like a good spot for a little color.  I’d made origami wreaths in the past of various sizes, but this time I was going for quantity.

I made a simple one for December and then started on a project of a new themed wreath for each month.

January (snow), February (hearts), and March (clover) were easy as far as a theme goes and I got a little more creative with ducks and bunnies for April. May was flowers, June was sunshine.

July (star spangled) was easy and for August I went with a beach. Then changing leaves in September and a pumpkin with leaves for October.

I managed a turkey for November and then back around to strangely plain December (pine). I had gotten more sophisticated as the year went on so as I loop back around, December will be simple.

I also did a Christmas wreath that I’m going to donate and a Blue and Gold for the VP’s office.

Figured that it was time to post them since I was done with the project – even though the year isn’t up.

Next up, maybe a spiral…

The full set is here:

http://thunderofwade.tumblr.com/

Last week, I sat through a webinar on some changes to our e-commerce system.  I had a chat window open with my boss and shared my comments and observations.  Here is the transcript of that session:

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[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:21 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

watching a ******* recorded webinar.  I’m hoping they really have some good news about the emarket, but I think it’s at the end of the video.  Currently, I’m losing the will to live.

Everything is darkness.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:23 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

Sorrow hangs over me like a cloud, weeping tears of abject despair.

If bleakness was a tree, my heart would be covered by a forest.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:25 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

I may never wake from this endless nightmare.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:29 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

Has time stopped?  Do the sands no longer flow?

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:30 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

Even my blood slows in my veins. My heart strains to beat against the sluggish bracken.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:33 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

But, wait, is there hope?  Is there actual relevant information? Could this be what I have waited for all these years?  Is this.. is this the light?

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:38 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

But they tease!  They tease me with cosmetic changes!  Strumpets!  Where is the substance?

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:42 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

Names. Names.  A legion of new names.  Still, they stink of the pit.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:50 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

Ah, mighty AJAX.  He strides onto the field like a warrior.  Oh, but wait, it’s but a mask.  His face revealed – a tired and cowardly pretender.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:52 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

A plague upon thy house.  Tis smoke and mirrors!  Where are the templates?  Where is the CSS?  Dost thou care nothing for internet standards?  Vile wenches…

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 1:57 PM] Kreider,Eric W:

I see you holding one of the brains from your jar out and speaking to it a la Hamlet

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 2:00 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

Hamlet got off easy. This, this is madness.  Ophelia was a light-hearted nymph compared to this travesty.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 2:01 PM] Kreider,Eric W:

lol Strumpets! In the court!

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 2:01 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

I Fall!  I fall upon my stake!  Tis my only escape.

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 2:02 PM] Kreider,Eric W:

Another unrecoverable hour goes by…

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 2:04 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

Would that lightning strike my screen and end this now.  The seconds of misery creep… ah, but soft!  Tis ended!  My heart leaps at freedom!

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 2:05 PM] Kreider,Eric W:

*shaking head smiling but still, sad*

[‎9/‎1/‎2016 2:06 PM] Serpette,Anthony W:

I shall share this with noble Kevin, he who is Rushing.  Mayhap his wisdom will enlighten.

---

Clearly, I need to read more Shakespeare and incorporate that style into my everyday conversations.  It’ll make the meetings more interesting, anyway.

I’m a big fan of snacks.

I think they are great and they play a large part in regulating my mood. If we’re meeting friends for dinner and there’s a chance it will be later than is good for me – and by extension anyone else – Jim will make sure I have a pop-tart or two handy. When I get hangry, well, scorned women stay out of my way and my “hell-hath-no” brand of fury.

So, vending machines are a pretty good thing in my book.

Yes, I know that everything in there is over-priced.And yes, I know that everything in there is terrible for me.

I know that – and guess what? I don’t care. There’s a lot of instant gratification in a vending machine. Money in – salty/sweet satisfaction out.

And if it keeps me from a tri-state killing spree – well, then we should all be grateful.  Sometimes its not even the biochemical make of the drink or treat – sometimes it’s just about getting something small accomplished.  “I would like a beverage and so I go and acquire one”

I noticed something, though, that has made me sad about my friend Mr. Soda Vending.

Back in the day, you could walk past a vending machine and at a glance see if they had the soda you wanted. If you wanted Orange and the Sold Out light was on for the Orange, you had the option of getting Grape instead or to just keep on walking.

Now, though, those soda machines hide their status. You put your money in and hit a button – and only then do you discover your fate. Do you get your beverage of choice – or do you get a Sold Out message? Your money is already in the machine so you can either pick something else or hit the return button and wait while the machine angrily counts out what you hope is the correct change.

It sounds angry, at least.

Then you’ve got to try and fish the quarters back out of the little slot and take your business elsewhere. And if there’s someone waiting, you can also die of embarrassment while you inappropriately grope a robot.

When I first realized this, it pissed me off. Not the robot groping – I figure that’s inevitable when the Robot Uprising (tm) comes along.

No, I was angry about being socially engineered.

There’s a feeling of commitment. The money has already gone in and you expect something in return. And the coin return route feels like failure.

So, you pick something else until you finally get something that you didn’t even really want because now it feels like obligation. You have to succeed at some level – and so they get a sale even if they are out of the product.

I’ve had this happen at stores – I’m looking at you, Radio Shack. Windows full of products and shelves mysteriously empty. We settle for the thing we didn’t really want just to have some measure of success. So it doesn’t feel like a complete waste of time.

I’m ranging farther afield now with my pocket full of quarters. Searching for that toxic diet soda that will somehow keep me distracted enough to get through the day. And not settling for grape when I really want orange.

It takes a lot of paying attention to see where that social engineering lives. And effort to fight back against the faceless invokers of that engineering.

But, there’s some satisfaction in that as well.  Little goals, little successes.

The webteam is still relatively new to our new home division – Marketing.

It’s a good fit and we’re better off than we were in IT – but it has taken some getting used to.

During our first big meeting – when shown the new commercial – about the only thing I knew when asked “how does this make you feel?” was to not respond with “Queasy, from all the jump cuts.”

Since then, we’ve gotten much better integrated with the larger marketing group – but I was still a little apprehensive when the VP suggested an evening out at a bar/restaurant called The Office. As in “I’ll be home late from The Office”  Wink, wink.  Nudge, nudge.

I don’t drink and I’m kinda cheap – and at the end of the day spending more time with my colleagues seems… errr… well, I do have all those video games that need playing, after all.

But, an informal poll at a meeting of the webteam showed that everyone else was going and – like an ABC AfterSchool Special – I succumb to peer pressure.

And… it was good. No, it was kinda great. I got to know a couple of my colleagues a little better, got to show off some origami, and even made a marketing related joke. Who knew?

I’m still more comfortable with the ones and zeros. Where things either work or they don’t. Even when things don’t make sense, you know that everything still has a reason – even if we don’t know it or can never find it.

The marketing side of the house still feels a little like voodoo to me – but it’s creative voodoo and well-written voodoo and I can appreciate that.
And the crew there is pretty cool.

Added bonus – the VP picked up the check. 🙂

I didn’t stay late at The Office – Firestone Park has a vampire problem and I try to avoid getting home after dark if possible – but I had a good time and I think I got some new perspective.

The first day of our vacation was spent mostly in the car. We drove to Asheville, NC and wandered around the shops and art galleries. It was a little later when we got dinner and then checked into the hotel.

Or tried to.

There was no one at the front desk. We waited for a few minutes and no one showed up. There was no bell and a check down the hallways didn’t show any other offices. I noticed a courtesy phone between the outer doors and went to give that a try. It rang and rang for a while, then someone picked up. It was the after-hours answering service. Which was a little odd since it was only about 7 pm.

I explained what was going on – or what wasn’t – and she said she’d try to find someone. She put me on hold and I waited. After I’d been on hold for a few minutes, someone else came through the doors to check in. I saw him talking to Jim at the counter. Jim was also trying to call the 800 number and not getting an answer.

Eventually, the woman came back on and said she was still trying. She put me on hold again and I opened the inner door to report. “Still on hold, no success yet, but the music was nice.”

A few more minutes passed and finally the woman comes back on. She apologizes that she still can’t find someone, but will let me go and keep trying. I thank her, hang up, and head back inside. We wait a few more minutes until finally the desk clerk arrives – about 20 minutes since we first arrived – smelling strongly of cigarette smoke.

Hmmmm…

There was no apology for keeping us waiting, but he gets us checked in and we head up to the room. And when we open the door, the room smells terrible. Like old, stale, cigarette smoke.

Again, hmmm…

I sit down on the bed and pick up the phone to call the front desk. I explain the problem and ask for a different room. He checks and does have one, but that we’ll need to come down to the lobby to get different keys. Before we do that, though, would I mind opening the window in the room for him?

What?

So, I open the window and we take our stuff back down to the lobby. He gives us new keys and a new room number as he expresses disbelief that someone had been smoking in the room since this was a smoke-free hotel.

Really.

I was a little curious why the cleaning staff didn’t report it – since there’s a fine if you smoke in the rooms – and why it smelled like old cigarette smoke. Something didn’t really add up, but the new room was okay – it at least smelled better – and we got settled in.

I then went looking for a vending machine, but there were none on our floor. Back down to the lobby and I asked the guy the desk. He indicated the guest laundry room and I went there.

Except the door was locked and my key didn’t work. Back to the lobby and got my card re-keyed, then got a soda.

Back up to the room and Jim wanted some ice. He went back down and returned in a bit – there was no ice machine, but there were of course trays in the fridge in the room. That were empty.

So, he filled them up for the next guest and we called it a night.

I got a survey from google asking me to rate and comment on the hotel. Since this would be associated with my name and I’m well aware of how lawsuit-happy some places can be if you talk bad about them – I commented with “Room was adequate, staff could have been more attentive.”

By contrast – fortunately – the condo we stayed at for the week was clean, well decorated, comfortable, and had a great view. I may or may not have microwaved a palmetto bug, but those things are everywhere and I just rolled with it.

One of the oddest experiences on vacation was grocery shopping the first night we got there. We headed into the Bi-Lo and I went to the deli counter to get some lunch meat for the week’s worth of sandwiches.

There were two weighing stations – and I stood in front of the one nearest the turkey. It was unstaffed at the moment. At the other station was a guy that looked like a manager talking to a customer. We’ll call her “Crazy” for reasons that will later become clear. They were talking loudly for quite a while and I stood up straight and with intention – hoping that when she was done, he’d see me. Instead, another employee came to ask him something. I suspected later that this was a rescue from Crazy.

He left with the employee and completely bypassed me. Still don’t know if he didn’t see me or did and didn’t care – but he was gone. Crazy wandered my direction and told me that they hated her for doing that – i.e. taking up a bunch of time with idle chatter, perhaps – and said if I stood there long enough someone would eventually come up. Since that was my plan anyway, I kept waiting. She was headed out, but decided to intervene on my behalf.

Crazy came back over to the counter and shouted to the back. “Hey, someone needs help out here,”

After a moment, another woman wandered out from the back. We’ll call her Cranky. She announced, in no uncertain terms, that the counter was closed.

Crazy – but now oddly Helpful – countered and said that the counter was open til 8 and it was only 7:15.

Cranky counter-countered – at the counter – and said that she was the only one working and they closed early if there was only one working.

I thought quickly as I watched this exchange get carried out. If Crazy won, I would get my lunch meat. If she – and by extension me – lost, then I’d be no worse off. I was fine to let Crazy continue to advocate on my behalf – hopeful that she would deflect Cranky if that escalated.

After a little more back and forth, Cranky reluctantly agreed to help me and Crazy headed out triumphant.

I placed my order under Cranky’s glare and told her I appreciated her help. She reminded me again that they close early when there’s only one person working – perhaps as a note for future visits, though I would have no idea about their staffing.

With lunchmeat in hand, I headed out – grateful to have had an advocate and to have escaped; confused, but unscathed.
By contrast, the deli restaurant we ate at later was staffed by delightful people. And when we cleared off our table, one of the women that worked there declared that – because I had tidied up the table – my house too must be neat as a pin.

My Dad put up two tire swings for my nieces in his backyard. One painted pink and the other purple, naturally.

My brother-in-law suggested that I give them a try and that they’ll support my weight.

Now, I’m of the opinion that youth is wasted on the young and if given the chance to “play”, I’ll take it. So, I clambered on the pink one – it seems to be on a sturdier branch – got a couple good swings and fell off. It wasn’t far and I wasn’t hurt, and not even really embarrassed.

I lay on the ground, laughing for a moment, then got back up and climbed back on. This time, I got settled in a little better and had what I hoped was a better grip. My brother-in-law started to push me a few times and then I got to spinning. The rope hurt my hand and I started to lose my balance. Spinning around wildly, I finally managed to get out that I wanted to stop and when I did, I gratefully fell to the ground in a heap.

I lay there for a moment – stunned – then stood up and stumbled around, still dizzy. I didn’t throw up, but it was a near thing for a few minutes.

I shook it off and went about my way.

A little later, my niece commented that the pink tire swing was a lot lower than it used to be.

Thanks.

So, I survived the tire swing but it clearly won. I think I might have done better if the tire had been bigger and the rope a little easier to grip, but I may just be fooling myself.

Clearly, still not a grown-up and in need of adult supervision.

I was at work on Friday and I popped on over to the homepage to go to the log-in screen for the editor.

And I stopped. There was something…off. The page was somehow just a little bit different than it should have been. I couldn’t quite place it, but it was enough.

So, I went down the hall to the boss’s office and asked “Did something change on the homepage today?”

He looked at me, astonished.

“How could you have noticed that?”

Turns out that earlier in the day one of my colleagues had increased the font size of the smallest menu at the top of the page. By 2 point sizes.

That was it. That was the entirety of the change.

The boss pointed out what they had done and was still impressed that I had picked up on it.

I didn’t take computer science in college and I’m not a programmer – but if there was any doubt that I’m a geek, it got dispelled that day.

Alas, there was no prize for being the first to notice it.

1. It’s okay for women to be topless in public in Asheville, NC.

I only saw one woman do this and she was pretty cool about it. A little surprising, but… good for her. I considered taking off my shirt as we went past in a show of support, but that’s not really the point since I can do that anywhere.  And frequently do.

2. Southern Hospitality is hit or miss.

The best example of this was the woman at the grocery store meat counter who was very reluctant to slice up some turkey for me and made no bones about telling me that she had other and more important things to do in the back. And even if the meat counter didn’t close until 8, she was shutting it down at 7 since she was the only one working.  I got my turkey, but it was a near thing.

3. I’m still a pretty good swimmer, but it’s not as much fun.

My arm bothered me quite a bit. I could still move through the water and got a good stretch, but it wasn’t the same. On the plus side, no sea creatures bothered me and I was able to shuck my trunks for most of my time in the water.

4. I totally rock at roundabouts.

I mean, totally. I nailed them every time. Take that, Clark W. Griswald.

5. Island deer like apples. A lot.

6. We have terrible, terrible luck at eating out.

Poor directions to some places or they simply didn’t exist. Terrible service at others – our server at one place just left and didn’t come back. Some places closed at 3 or said they were open but were closed or just had locked doors – or closed only on the day we went there. Or open, but no food. Or no silverware. Pizza Hut would rather you not eat in and aren’t going to bring the pizza to you. It was kind of amazing when we did find a place where everything worked out – except their fries were terrible.

7. With my haircut, the swimming, and being the getaway driver for Jim’s photo project, I’m basically Jason Statham.

In every movie he’s ever done.

8. Water-saturated beach sand is a non-Newtonian solid.

Google It.

9. I’m not a good tourist.

I need regular meals at regular times, I’m not good with crowds, and I really don’t like being lost.  And if you happen to be around me in a crowd of people at 2 o’clock when I haven’t been able to find the restaurant (DAMN YOU, GOOGLE MAPS!), well, heaven help you.

10. All I really need is a beach, a book, a full belly, and an empty bladder.

That’s really all it takes for me to have a good vacation.