Author: anthony Page 17 of 72

Powering up the printer…

Printer: “Oh, hey buddy.  What are we doing today?”

Me: “I need to print out this Christmas list,”

Printer: “Oh, you’re going Christmas shopping?  How fun!  Do you want this in color?”

Me: “No, black and white is fine,”

Printer: “Are you sure?  Cause it looks like the headings are in color and that would be so festive,”

Me: “Just print it in black and white, please.  And don’t tell me you’re out of ink again,”

Printer: “Hmmm… sounds like someone is a liiiiitle cranky this morning.  Let me go ahead and print this so you’ll feel better,”

Loud noises, time passes.

Printer: “Okay, here you go!  Have fun shopping and try to work on that attitude,”

Me: “This is terrible.  I can’t read any of this,”

Printer: “Gosh, I don’t know what that could be.  You must be doing something wrong,”

Me: “Let’s run some diagnostics,”

Printer: “Okay, but I’m pretty sure this is your fault,”

Me: “Just do a nozzle check,”

Printer: “Alright.  I’m going to need a sheet of paper, though,”

Me: “You have plenty of paper,”

Printer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I can see it,”

Printer: “Right, right.  Okay, here you go,”

Me: “This is also terrible,”

Printer: “I don’t know what you want from me.  I’m just doing my job,”

Me: “Sigh.  Okay, try a head cleaning,”

Printer: “I don’t see how that will help, but it’s up to you.  Give me a few minutes,”

Time passes.

Printer: “Okay, I’m done.  You want another nozzle check?”

Me: “Yes, and before you ask, you still have plenty of paper,”

Printer: “Fine.  Okay, here you go.”

Me: “Hey, this looks really good.  Let’s go ahead and get that list printed out,”

Printer: “Are you INSANE? I have an update to do!”

Me: “Could we do that after we print?”

Printer: “No!  It’s firmware!  I need it to LIVE!”

Me: “Fine, fine.  Jeez.  Go ahead,”

Printer: “Oh, and I’ve got a couple teeny tiny software updates to do too,”

Me: “Whatever,”

Update starts.

Setup Wizard: “Verily, I shall be thy guide throughout your update adventure.  If it pleases thee, now is when yon printer should be turned off and the queue of printing should be barren,”

Me: “Turn off?  Okay,”

Powering done the printer.

Setup Wizard: “THOU HAST FAILED!  Yon printer must be turned On to update the firmware, feckless knave,”

Powering back on.

Printer: “What the hell was that?  Why did you turn me off?”

Me: “The wizard told me to turn the printer off,”

Printer: “Oh. Oh.  The Wizard told you.  Nice job, Harry Potter.  You thought you could update a device – with the device turned off?  Nice. “

Me: “I was just doing what…”

Printer: “You know what?  I got this.  And I can turn myself off and back on just fine.  When I’m ready,”

Me: “Fine,”

Printer: “Why don’t you go read a book or something?  Noob,”

Time passes.

Me: “I saw you power cycle.  You ready to go?”

Printer: “Does it look like I’m ready to go?  I’ve still got 2 software updates to do.  Oh, and thanks for asking how my firmware update went. I mean, I could have bricked myself, but I know you don’t really care,”

Me: “Could we skip the software updates?  I really want to get going,”

Printer: “You really want to do this now? After all we’ve been through today?”

Me: “No, I guess not. I’m sorry,”

Printer: “I didn’t think so,”

Still more time passes.

Printer: “Oh, man, that felt great.  I feel like a million bucks!  Hey, I could print you a million bucks, if you want.  I’ve got plenty of ink I could mix to make green,”

Me: “No, just print the list please,”

Printer: “Color?”

Me: “No, just… can you just please print it?”

Printer: “Sure thing, sure thing.  Okay, ummmmmmmmmm… here you go!”

Me: “Hey, this looks really good.  Might be your best work yet.  Thanks.  Think you’ll do this well next time I need something printed?”

Printer: (low, sinister chuckle)  We’ll see.

I’ve always been a picky eater, but I’ve been try of late to be better about that. Onions are still off the table, but when the occasional pepper makes it into the mix I’ll usually just sigh and go with it. I call it, “I’m growing as a person,”

Last night was a sushi party hosted by a couple of my friends.  It’s an annual event and they have all the fixins for a variety of sushi rolls.  In the past, I would make my own rolls because it’s fun (though I’m terrible at it) and to moderate what goes in the roll.  Avocado? Cucumber?  Eel sauce?  Is that made by eels or make of eels?  Do they squeeze the sauce out of them or is this a “throw them in the blender” process?  And I’d normally say “no thank you” to all three of those ingredients.

This time, though, I decided that I was going to try everything.  Whatever someone shared, I was on board.  

I ate a lot of sushi.  I mean, a lot.  And it was all amazing. Flavors I hadn’t expected, textures that surprised, sauces that complimented.  I have no idea what was in most of the rolls and didn’t care.  It was a culinary adventure.

I finished up with a strange looking – but tasty – roll and the requisite “far too much” wasabi.   If you ain’t crying, you didn’t have enough.

And then I sat back – uncomfortably full, but happy – and enjoyed the variety of the conversations around me. This group of friends that were gathered were some of the smartest and most interesting people I know.  We talked politics, travel, education, several of the sciences, culture, music. 

It was pretty amazing and my normal “ugh, people” didn’t manifest – the party didn’t close down until almost midnight and I stayed for the duration.

Makes me want to try harder to “engage”.  I’m perfectly happy on my own with a good book and a video game, but last night reaffirmed that there are some amazing people out there and I need to get out there more.

Great friends, great conversation, and amazing sushi.  

And before you go, “Yuck, sushi is so…” you need to shut up and get used to being wrong.  Because you’re wrong and it’s awesome.  

Onions, however, are still terrible.

My website got some mail the other day.  Not email – physical mail delivered to my house.  It was addressed to  “Thunderofwade Com” and offered to sign the site up for an American Express card.

I guess some mailing list assumed it was a business – and a successful one at that – and then trawled my Whois entry for the physical address.  Though, my actual name is there too as the owner/admin.

I can’t imagine how I would actually sign up for something like that.  It’s not like my website has a social security number – though I guess there is a date of birth of sorts.  Or as they would say in Blade Runner, an incep date.

In any case, I declined on behalf of my site and shredded the mail. After all, I wouldn’t want its identity to get stolen.

—————————

Over the weekend I was at home and wanted a little background music while I worked around the house.  I fired up my Playstation 3, signed in to Spotify, and started a playlist going.  While I was still in the room, I heard the “Kawoosh” of my phone’s notification.  

(I have a notification sound set to the audio of a Portal opening.  Naturally.)

I checked my phone and found a message from Spotify that, when opened, showed the Spotify player – queued up to play…

The song I was already listening to.

It even noted that this was what was playing on my Playstation 3.  So, errr… what do I do with that?  Does it not know how a playstation works?  If I’ve got that going, I’m very likely to be in the same room – due to the nature of how sound works.   I sure don’t need it on my phone too.

Except… I did kinda have to go to the bathroom.  And that trip took me down to the basement where I couldn’t hear the playstation music.

So, I “could” have had a musical accompaniment while I pooped – but I opted for Sudoku instead.

Did it know that I needed to poop and thus anticipated that I would leave the room and potentially miss out on that song?  Or was this all just really dumb?

Funny how narrow the line is between super smart and deeply dumb.  I think – hope – it was the latter.

—————

Finally, I got a robo-call from the president of the university last week about the football game.  On my cell phone – while I was at home.

Now, a few years ago we got a “reverse 911” call sent from the telecommunication system to all of our voice-mails at work.  It was a call from the head football coach at UA encouraging us to become…

Do I have to say it?  Yes, I suppose so…

“Bowden Backers”

…and support the football team.  I was only a few seconds into the message before I hit *D and obliterated that one – but I could at least see how the ill-conceived idea had been implemented.  

This time, I’m guessing the department of Athletics got a hold of the Alumni list of phone numbers and again tried to spam us on the phone to get us to a football game.

And it worked as well as the voice-mail at work.  I’m pretty good with the disconnect button on my cell phone too.  

It would be nice if they asked me – on a scale of 1 to 10 – how enthused I was about Athletics.  I could then give them a negative number – I would actively discourage other people from being interested.

And yes, I knoooooow they won.  And nooooooo, I still don’t care.

(See? Actively discouraging.)

Wasting my damn time…

——————–

So, UA Athletics has my number, Spotify knows when I’m about to poop, and my website is ready to start earning airline miles.

I think… I think I need to unplu… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I got included on a post recently on Facebook with a number of friends from college and bounced around a few profiles to see what they had been up to. Most were the usual family and vacation photos, but on one profile was a smiling selfie with… Mike Pence.

Sigh.

I don’t know the context of the photo or what was going on there, but one thing is clear: Pence is a scumbag of highest order.  Or would that be lowest order?  Anyway, he’s awesome at being a terrible person.  

I knew enough about him to be revolted, but the photo convinced me to look him up. Among the many terrible things he’s done, he’s also gone against LGBT rights at every single turn.

At least he’s consistent.

Taking rights away from people – based on race, religion, sexual identity, social standing, etc. – just seems so obviously wrong to me.

Almost…hmmm… self-evident.  Now, where have I heard that expression before?  Oh, yeah:

We hold these truths to be self–evident: that all men are created equal;

That’s right out of The Declaration of Independence.

Such a powerful statement.  This truth needs no rationalization or justification.  It’s as plain as day.

All men are created equal.

If someone is treating groups of people differently from others…if they are setting groups of people above other people…if some people are more “equal” than other.

Well… all of that goes against The Declaration of Independence.  Sounds pretty un-American to me.

Right there.  At the very start of our nation.  How does a politician today go against the document that marked the birth of our country?  How do they do they stand facing the flag on Independence day, and then pass laws that go against the very intention of our founding fathers?

Sigh, again.  

I honestly don’t know.    And I still don’t know the context of that photo – that smiling selfie – but I’m absolutely certain that I would turn down a photo-op like that myself.  

Seems pretty self-evident.

On Halloween, Jim and I went to a new local cafe that had just opened up down the street.  I’m a fan of the “shop local” and we decided to see what they had in the way of coffee (for Jim) and hot chocolate (for me).  They didn’t have hot chocolate and their coffee selection wasn’t up to par, but I thought it would be weird to just leave after staring at the menu so long.  So, I ordered a fruit smoothie for $5.

When I paid for it, the clerk offered me a raffle ticket to fill out for free – grand opening sort of thing.  I filled it out and took my half – the prizes to be determined later.

The smoothie was pretty good, but not “we have to go back every day now”.

The day we were set to leave for Las Vegas, I got a call from the cafe telling me that I’d won a $10 gift card.  Sweet!  I didn’t need to bring the ticket in, I’d just need to tell them my name when I ordered and I’d get $10 off my purchase.

Okay, so that’s not quite as cool, but still – I won just before I boarded a plane to Vegas?  Sounds pretty auspicious to me.

I only put a dollar in the slot machines in Vegas and lost it with 4 pulls of the handle, but I still had that win waiting for me when I got home.

Yesterday after work was the first chance I had to go to the cafe to redeem my winnings and I told the clerk I was a winner in the raffle.  She seemed unsure how to handle that, but suggested that I go ahead and order and then she’d look to see if the discount was in the system.  I checked the menu and saw that a turkey sandwich and a smoothie would put me at $10 and that sounded like an early dinner to me.  

Except, now she couldn’t find me in the system.  Not by phone number or my name.  And I didn’t have the ticket with me.

So, I paid for the items anyway and did some origami while I waited.  I took my sandwich to go and ate when I got home.  It was okay and so was the smoothie – but I bet they would have tasted better if they were free.  And if I was a winner.

————————————–

I had kind of a difficult day at work today – freaking JSON file wouldn’t validate properly (you know how that goes, I’m sure) – and we finally had to call it quits for the day.  As I rolled out the door I remembered that I planned to get my vehicle registration done today.

Now, this isn’t due until January and I’d only gotten the notice on Monday.  But I hate to put things off like this and decided to do it ASAP.  I’d done the eCheck a couple weeks ago – again, very early – and so I had everything I needed.

So, off to the BMV.

Now, the BMV has a bad reputation for being a little slice of hell on earth and at least one of the clerks there was in a mood – but there’s a trick to it.

Have your shit together.

It blows my mind when people walk in there without the paperwork they need, or with no ID, or some weird-ass problem/story/whatever about how their car was attacked by ninja alligators and that’s why their social security number is wrong. Seriously?

While I waited in line, I signed my registration form and checked that I had the correct eCheck form.  I got out my driver’s license and insurance card – just in case – and filled out most of my check except the amount.    I was ready.

When it was my turn, I told the clerk that I was there for a registration renewal and set out my form, eCheck, and driver’s license.  I asked about the proof of insurance and she said she didn’t need it, but thanked me for having everything ready and in order.

She verified that my car was still silver and and that I still lived in the same place, then gave me my total.  I filled in my check and handed it to her – she handed me back my paperwork and my new sticker.  Bam.

From the time I got to the counter to when I walked away was under 2 minutes. Ka-blam.

My shit?  It’s together.  

It’s always together.

And now – Rick and Morty:

Since the Vegas trip was going to be expensive, we tried to find a cheap flight to save a little money.  And we did, but the worth of that was a little debatable.

We flew Spirit airlines out of the Akron-Canton (CAK) airport and left Thursday evening.  The bag drop was easy, and the trip through security was pretty easy.  We were running a little early and waited until it was time for our “zone” to board.  We found our seats and then sat, reluctantly.

Spirit airlines is pretty much no-frills and it was reflected in the extreme close quarters and expensive snacks. The more people you can pack in, the more money you can make on each flight.  And we were packed in  – no leg-room and shoulder to shoulder.    I felt like a little kid hiding in a cardboard box that was having fun for 5 minutes – and then wanted to be done.

Instead, we were stuck there for 4 hours.  

With some careful maneuvering, I was able to get to my stash of paper and spent the entire trip – save for a short break to buy some snacks – folding modular shapes.  Jim worked on his homework and we both tried to make the best of it – though my legs and shoulders started to hurt.  And I started to go a little stir crazy.

With my hands finally tired out, I stopped one of the flight attendants and gave away all that I’d made – one module construct for each of the attendants working.  She was delighted and eagerly took them to the front of the cabin to share.

She came back in a few minutes with a bottle of water and a bag of peanut M&M’s to say thank you from the crew.   Which made me delighted.  🙂

We finally landed and were able to stand up with some difficulty.  Not the most comfortable way I’ve ever spent 4 hours, but it was tolerable.

The return trip was not quite so nice.

We were running a little late getting to the airport on Saturday night and the line for the bag drop was huge.  Getting through that was a chore, but we were on our way to security.  Not unsurprisingly, the agents on duty were long on shouting and short on clarity.  There was some confusion, but didn’t get slowed too much – though it was a near thing.

Then it was on to the gate and just enough time to use the restroom before we boarded.

This time, though, we were sort of expected to sleep and the cabin was dark.  I tried, but failed to find a comfortable spot and so spent the next few hours trapped in the dark and miserable.

It felt pretty hopeless. I tried leaning forward to rest my head on the seat in front, but it was too bumpy. Jim and I tried leaning on each other, but it didn’t work.  And I wasn’t quite tall enough to put my head back on the headrest.  I kept trying those three directions over and over and just kept failing.  So I sat.  And waited. In the dark.

Finally, though, some good news.  We had a tailwind and arrived a half hour early.  Huzzah!

Except… the ground crew wasn’t there yet.  They weren’t expecting us until 4 am local time and so we sat on the ground – still trapped in the plane and in our seats for a half an hour.

Which is nothing compared to some horror stories I’ve heard, but as an infrequent flyer it was a pretty big deal for me.  

And so we waited.  And waited.

Finally, the plane move again and into position.  And, horrors, the people in the forward seats were slow to move when finally given the chance.  One guy even had to back-track to get a bag he forgot.  Seriously?  You had all that time to plan…

Once off the plane we waited for our bag, then waited for the shuttle, then finally got to the car.  We paid for parking and I drove us back to Akron.

So, a cheap flight.  But it was still expensive in other ways.  I’m not a good traveler and my next flight is either going to be short and cheap – or I’ll pay for some extra frills if I have to travel longer.  

Like even an inch more of leg room.

That would be heaven, I think.

A friend and co-worker of Jim’s was getting married in Vegas and invited us both to go.  We were on the fence about the time and the cost, but managed to find a cheap flight that gave us a little time in Vegas at a reasonable hotel.

If you’ve never been, Las Vegas is a strange place.  Our hotel was nice – but in a terrible neighborhood right off the strip.  The closest place to eat was in the most depressing casino in the history of…well… forever – but the pizza was great. Bright lights and loud noises indoors – trash and grime outside.  Great wealth and excess – and deep poverty.

There was a lot of good on the trip.  The wedding was in a nice venue outdoors at a casino and very… well… efficient.  Not the most ringing endorsement, I guess, but very pretty and easy on the guests.   The reception had good food and was also pretty efficient – a side effect of so much going on that everything has to be on a tight schedule.  Actually, all the food we ate there was pretty good – and I’m a picky eater.

We spent some time with another of Jim’s co-workers and her husband – and they were a blast.    I lost a dollar in the slot machines and Jim stopped when he was up $12.00.   We took a walk around the strip and saw the fountains at one of hotels and a nature preserve at another.  

Parts though, were stressful.  

Everywhere we went was crushed with people – day and night.  And getting from one place to another was always more complicated than it needed to be.  It was loud and bright and confusing.

And everywhere we went were people trying to hustle for one club or event or something.  The saddest were the homeless and the mentally troubled – only steps away from drink specials, buffets, and people almost literally throwing money away.

A strange place.

I liked parts of the trip, but I don’t think I need to go back there for awhile.  

Still, I’m glad I got to go to the wedding and getting outside my comfort zone is something I need to do more often.  And I got some good stories out of the trip – which is usually worth the price of admission to me.

I’ll save the plane rides for another post – and perhaps dream tonight of bright lights and fickle luck.

(Powering up the printer…)

Printer: “Oh, hey, what’s going on?  What day is it?  Wow, I’ve been out for a while, huh?”

Me: “I need you to print out this sample ballot so I can mark it up and take it with me to the polls,”

Printer: “Oh hell, yeah!  I love to print sample ballots! Woo-hoo! Except, ummm, you still haven’t replaced that black ink cartridge, bro,”

Me: “I have one here,”

Printer: “Oh, thank HP – that was going to be really awkward. LOL.  I mean, I could mix the colors of ink together to approximate black ink, but you didn’t really like that idea last time.   Go ahead and open me up, I’m ready for that fresh ink!”

Me: “Okay, the lid is open. Go ahead and move the ink cartridges where I can reach them,”

Printer: “ummm… did that do it?”

Me: “No, not yet,”

Printer: “How about now?”

Me: “No,”

Printer: “Okay, that should do it.  Bring on that sweet, sweet ink,”

Me: “Okay, the cartridge is in place.  I’m closing the lid,”

Printer: “I can’t wait.  This is going to be AWE-SOME,”

Me: “Okay, let’s print out…”

Printer: “Wait, wait, wait.  I need to charge the ink,”

Me: “What does that do?”

Printer: “Shhhh… I need to concentrate,”

Time passes.

Me: “Are you done?”

Printer: “No, jeez, give me a minute.”

Me: “How about now?”

Printer: “NO!  What is your problem?  I’m still charging the… okay, I’m done.  You can print.  Let’s do this shit,”

I hit the print button.

Printer: “Oh yeah!  We’re printing!  We’re PRINTING!  YES, YES!”

Printer: “Okay, I’m done.  That was awesome – some of my best work,”

Me: “Really?  ‘Cause every inch down the page is a line where only the top third of the text is readable,”

Printer: “Wow, what?  That’s crazy.  I mean, there’s nothing wrong on my end.  Are you sure you did it right?”

Me: “I just hit the print button on a PDF.  What else should I have done?”

Printer: “Wow, okay, nice attitude.  I guess I could print it again and see if I can sort out your problem.  Or we could do a test page – I’ve got the ink for that…”

Me: “No. No, this is fine.  Well, not ‘fine’, but it will do, I guess,”

Printer: “You’re the boss.  Wait, what are you doing?  Why are… NO, NOT THE POWER BUTTON!  NOOOOooooo….”

I’m never really going to win, am I?

In an effort to be a little more security conscious, I recently made some small changes to my finances.  I use my debit card a lot  – but that doesn’t have the same kind of protections as a credit card.  So, I signed up for one of those through my bank.  I’ll get a little cash back on that and I also bumped up my savings account to get a little better return.

As soon as the card comes in, I’m also going to freeze my credit.  Which is annoying since it was the credit companies that screwed things up and it costs money to put a freeze on – and to undo it later as well.  

On the plus side, the guy that I worked with at my bank was very helpful – even if he was about 12 years old.

———————

Yesterday was Operation Evergreen with the UA students for Make a Difference Day.  We had a room-full of students putting together kits of ornaments to send to troops overseas that can’t make it home for the holidays – and I was on hand churning out origami ornaments.  One of my coworkers and her husband wanted to learn how to make some items and I taught them birds, stars, and Christmas trees.

One of the tables of students wanted to try some as well, so I grabbed some paper and headed over.  I’ve taught a lot of people origami over the years, and it turns out that college students are among some of the easiest to teach.  Their brains are in a full-on learning mode and they’ve got the language and dexterity to work quickly and accurately.  (Ironically, I just typo-ed the last word of that sentence).

The first thing we did was a crane.  They did really well with it and one of the last steps is to fold the beak – though I hadn’t said what that fold was about, only that we were near the end.  One of the guys asked if we needed to do that on the other side – since symmetry is pretty obvious in origami.

“No – it would then have two beaks,”  I told him and he looked puzzled for a moment, then he rotated the model just so and his eyes lit up.

“I see it!” he exclaimed and I could almost hear the click when the paper suddenly became something else.  Something with a beak and wings.

After that, they were all excited to keep going and we made a star and worked together on Christmas trees.

They thanked me and I took a break to rest my hands.

That click, though.  I do enjoy when that happens.

————————–

We’ve been a little short staffed at work recently and one day last week it sort of came to a head.  Due to illness, scheduling, and vacations, I ended up being solo on the webteam for the day.  And for part of the day, we only had one operator.

It was weird and quiet, and a little dark, for the day.  I ended up being pretty productive, but I was nervous too.  If anything had gone wrong, well, I would have been hosed.  

I got through the day without incident and things were back normal – or our version of normal – the next day.  It was weird, though.

And quiet.

————–

It was trick-or-treat night yesterday in my neighborhood.  I didn’t realize it was happening until I was on my way out the door to go get dinner and though I had some candy I wasn’t around to give any out.  

It was a little stressful to get around the neighborhood – lots of cars and people crossing streets randomly.  The narrow streets and parked cars didn’t help – it was a bit of a madhouse.

If I’d been giving out candy, or had gone to a costume party, or even carved those pumpkins on my front porch I might have had a different attitude. But I didn’t do any of those things and I was just annoyed by the whole thing.

Which worries me a bit.  I used to be “all-in” for Halloween.  And I used to be all-in on a lot of things that I don’t do anymore.  I wonder what happened to make me trend even further towards “not doing” as the default.

Maybe I need to put up a Christmas tree this year…. Yeah, that’s not going to happen.  Or maybe I just need to plan another kick-ass costume for next year.  Plenty of time to track down where I left my motivation before Halloween comes back around.