A few years back, not long after we’d moved into our current home, Jim and I joined a health club connected to the hospital where he worked.   He had a free membership and I got a discount as a spouse.   I wanted to use the pool to keep up with my swimming since I was working from home more and the pool on campus wasn’t convenient.

And it started out…okay, most of the time.  Most of the staff were friendly and the check-in process each time was easy – provided someone in front of me hadn’t forgotten their pin. 

The pool was good and usually not too crowded, but on days where the local high school swim team used the pool, all the rec swimmers had to share a single lane.     Sharing with one person is not too bad, but more than that and I would usually get frustrated.  

I don’t like to be one of those “I’m paying good money for…”  but I was and it was not a great experience.  Also, there are few things louder or more obnoxious than teen-age boys in a locker room. 

So, I got tired of it.   Jim changed jobs and it was no longer viable for him to go there – so when my year was up, I went through the needlessly complicated process to quit.  If I didn’t provide a letter of nonrenewal – in writing and signed – they would keep charging my credit card.  

It was irritation upon irritation and I was glad to be done with them.

Except, not quite. 

Every year since then, I’ve gotten a letter from the health club offering – get this:

“Amnesty for Past Members – Pay No Enrollment Fee”

  1. An enrollment fee is pure bullshit.  It’s your job to enroll people and you want them to be enrolled. Charging a fee to do that is greedy and dumb. 
  2. Amnesty: (noun)

an official pardon for people who have been convicted of political offenses.

Really?  I dropped my membership because I was annoyed and you are equating that to a political crime?   I don’t know if it’s worse if they don’t know what the word means – or if they do, and they really think it’s that bad.

I’m not going to “Rejoin Today!”  and I’m not going to “Contact Membership before it’s too late!”

I’m tossing the letter.

And I’m tired of people and their awful systems.  And the endless amplification of the mundane. Hope about never charging an enrollment fee? And maybe just a friendly, “We’ve love to have you back and we kicked out the swim team,”

Until then, I’m going to skip the “Get out of political prison free” card.