denied, deferred, and defeated

I got a call a couple weeks ago from the Red Cross.  I was due to give blood again and they wanted to know if I would participate in a special blood drive.  I said sure, then asked what it was about.  They were hosting two special days – the 25th of December and the 1st of January.

Wait, what?

I was a little incredulous – seemed like a terrible idea to me – and asked if I could donate on another day.  I think they associate was disappointed, but suggested the 12th.  It was a Tuesday at 5 and I figured I’d have time to eat a snack before I went to donate.

On Tuesday I went through the Rapid Pass (health history) questions online while I was still at work, then headed out at my usual time.  I stopped at the McDonald’s near the the blood drive center and got a snack – which was a mistakes for several reasons.  The biggest one was that the restroom smelled like a zoo and the floor was sticky.  I washed my hands – a lot – then arrived at the appointment with time to spare – then had to check in at the security desk.

Really?  You get a lot of break-ins?  You know vampires aren’t real, right?

Anyway, I got checked in at the main desk and waited to be called back.  I had my coat off and my sleeves rolled up, my Rapid Pass was printed, donor card at the ready, and food in my belly so I wouldn’t pass out afterwards.

I was in the zone.

They scanned my barcodes, then pricked my finger to check my iron.  It was fine, but they did a poor job on the band-aid and I started to bleed through it.

Then they checked my blood pressure and we suddenly had a problem.  It was too high.

She asked if I’d been running around today and well, yes, of course.  That’s my only speed – full. I even sleep fast.

She had me sit quietly for a bit to settle down and I tried to relax.  Someone else came in to check it again – and swap out my band-aid.

But the pressure was still too high. She asked if I’d been eating salty foods and I had. Since it was too high to donate, I got a 1 day deferral.  I was welcome to come back and try again – but for that day, I was done.

I got my paperwork, put my coat back on, and sighed out at the security desk.

It was dark by this point, the streets were covered in snow, and I was in downtown Akron at rush hour trying to drive up a hill with everyone else in the city.  The 10 minute drive took me almost an hour and I spent all of that deeply bummed out.

I’ve given a lot of blood over the years – over 9 gallons – and I rarely have any trouble with my iron or the time it takes or getting faint. I’ve done whole blood and double reds and I know just what to expect and what to do.

But, this time, I failed.  I hadn’t taken good enough care of myself and now – I couldn’t help someone else.

Because it’s not just about the number of pints or the free cookies – it’s a chance to really help someone else in a powerful way.  

And I couldn’t.

I know how to fix this – get back to the pool, start eating better, cut back on salt – but at the time I just felt really defeated.

I finally got home and just sat on the couch for awhile until it was time to take a shower and go to bed. I stayed bummed out for several days, though I’m a little better now.

Just felt a little defeated about the whole thing.

And I’ll try again, but… not for a while.