I wasn’t feeling great the other evening and just kinda sat around the house most of the time. At one point I was listening to music and flipping through facebook on my phone and I came across a couple of posts from a friend from college that caught my eye.
Both were very much pro-gun and suggested that the solution to the recent gun problems was to instead have more guns. A sentiment that I do not agree with.
I considered commenting on this – perhaps with an analogy about a house on fire not needing more fire – but ultimately decided it would do no good. I would be simply be trying to influence him to change his mind – with the same lack of success he had in changing mine.
Whether it’s politics, religion, human rights – pretty much anything that humans can choose a side on, they do. And I’ve noticed an increasingly visible polarization. “I believe in A, B, C and you believe in X, Y, Z – and having a rational discussion about those opposing viewpoints is virtually impossible.
Humans are a stubborn species, aren’t we?
So, instead of engaging my friend from college in a debate, I took the easy route and simply unfollowed him.
I didn’t unfriend him – having a different opinion doesn’t make us not friends – but I just didn’t want to keep looking at his opinions.
The ones I didn’t agree with.
And that’s damn scary. Throw enough filters on our news, unfollow opposing viewpoints, read only things we already agree with – and suddenly we see only the ideas that are in our heads.
How can we grow as individuals if we aren’t challenged? How can we expand our understanding if everything presented to us is already sanitized?
Recognizing that, why did I unfollow the pro-gun posting friend?
[and, really, that’s unfair. He’s not just a data point or opinion – he’s a person with many ideas that happened to share some things that didn’t fit my world-view]
The answer is simple – it was easy.
When I was at the recent sushi party, I was surrounded by like-minded people. We had good food and good conversation – and if there were opposing viewpoints, we politely kept them to ourselves.
So, there was no conflict. We didn’t argue over news topics of the day – we just presented similar viewpoints on those stories.
All firmly on the same “side”.
And it was relaxing. And encouraging. And safe. For a little while, we weren’t challenged and didn’t have to defend any viewpoints.
Arguing takes energy. It creates stress. We have enough of that in our everyday lives – why would we court more? We risk friendships when we argue – and compromise and middle-grounds seem like unobtainable goals.
So, we quietly shake our heads at other people who are “wrong” and change the channel.
How do we get back to civil discourse? How do we have debates where we can give and take and compromise? How can we actually change opinion in a civil way?
I don’t know. Media companies want us to have more filters and further segment ourselves – it makes us easier to market to.
And maybe that’s the key. Maybe media itself is the problem. Not liberal media or conservative media – but media overall. The things that tie us together – like old friends from college – are also helping to polarize our thinking into distinct and un-mixable silos.
And I’m aware the irony of this post on my own very polarized blog is being shared on a media platform that exacerbates separate view-points.
Gotta start somewhere, I guess.
So maybe instead of posts on facebook with dozens of acquaintances, we have a few more parties and invite some people that don’t quite fit. Maybe we’ll all learn something if we can share our opinions and viewpoints – without being able to unfollow.