I got an envelope in the mail from Universal Exports and my first thought was – “holy shit, that’s the pretend company from the James Bond movies!”

I thought sure it was a recruitment letter. I mean, I’m good with computers, I own several swords and I’m totally fine wearing a speedo. Clearly, I’m ready to replace Bond when he retires. Granted, I’m not British, but how tough can it be to fake an accent?

Tea and Crumpets! See, I’m ready.

But it wasn’t a recruitment letter. Instead, it was the bumper sticker I’d ordered from Amazon.com for my car of a swimming logo. Kind of a letdown, actually.

In other news… When I was a kid, we didn’t get sugar cereals very often. It was usually cheerios, honey nut cheerios or hot cereal – shredded wheat for my sister (I’m still astonished that people consider that “food”) and oatmeal for me.

But now I’m a grown-up – or at least I can pass for one based on my height and gray hair – and I can make my own breakfast decisions. So, not long ago, I bought myself a box of Cookie Crisp.

Except I don’t eat cereal for breakfast. Bowl, spoon, cereal, milk – who has time for that? I’d have to get up 4 minutes earlier to accommodate “breakfast” and that’s just not going to happen. I’m doing well if the fiber bar and poptart make it into the morning sequence.

So, the box of Cookie Crisp sat on my counter – un-opened – for a week. Until I had a revelation.

Little cookies, right? And I have a recently emptied cookie jar.

BAM! I filled the cookie jar with Cookie Crisp cereal. Genius!

Because THAT is how I roll.

Haters gonna hate. Holla! Or something.

It actually works pretty well. The cookie jar is sufficiently difficult to open that I don’t grab a handful every time I walk in the kitchen – and I can eat 20 “cookies” at once and not make myself sick.  Which I’ve done.  No regrets.

Not exactly earth-shaking, but we have to make our own fun, right?

Finally, I have learned two new behaviors from my cat:

1. Get dressed in the closet. Thunder(cat) loves to hang out in my clothes closet and tries to get in there whenever I open the door. Since I don’t want to trap him in there when I go to work, I have to force him out when I’m done getting my clothes. This pisses him off and I try to avoid that. So, the last few mornings I’ve actually gone into the closet and shut the door. There’s a light in there and plenty of room – but I’m essentially hiding from my cat when I get dressed in the morning. I clearly need to find another solution.

2. Don’t step over him with bare legs. I did that last night and for something that short –  he’s got an amazing reach. He reached up with a front paw, claws fully extended, and nailed me. One moment I’m just trying to get across the living room and the next I’ve got blood running down my leg. In addition to the salt I need to carry around to ward off slugs, I also need to start carrying some disinfectant.

Little Furry Bastard.