I’m a very task-oriented individual and I love putting together a plan. This comes out in my work, when I’m cleaning, and when I’m running errands. I like lining up the tasks and finding the best route and most optimal sequence.
When it works, I get a deep feeling of satisfaction. A check-list, crossed off neatly, in order and in the most efficient way? Gold.
But if that plan starts to fall apart, so do I.
Yesterday, I had planned to go to McDonald’s for lunch, eat there, then go to Five Below just for fun to buy some junk, then buy Jim some bottled water on the way home at Giant eagle.
McDonald’s was the furthest destination and if I ate first then I wouldn’t feel rushed when I went to Five Below. Then Giant Eagle would be last on the list since it’s close to home.
I grabbed a book and headed out to get lunch on the first stop on my list.
McDonald’s was busy when I got there and I went to the kiosk since that’s the only option anymore. I put in my order and then it asked for the table tent number.
But, there weren’t any. I looked at all the kiosks and around the store. With no table tent, they wouldn’t be able to deliver the food. Eating in suddenly became impossible and I suspected they did that on purpose.
So, I ordered the food to go and while I waited I decided I would eat lunch in the park. I got my food and headed out.
It was nice and sunny in the park, but it wasn’t part of The Plan. When I was done, I was faced with a decision. Head the “wrong way” – i.e. back towards McDonald’s to get to Five Below where I would likely just waste money – or skip Five Below and head the Right Way towards Giant Eagle and home.
Not that Five Below was really far away from the park – I could have easily driven there in a few minutes. But, it wasn’t on the path of my plan and that, coupled with some vague guilt about wasting money on junk I didn’t need, caused me to guilt myself into skipping the fun part of the trip.
I got in my car, went to Giant Eagle to pick up water for Jim, and then went home. I can justify that by having saved time and money, but I was still angry at myself for not making the trip.
No task-completed-endorphens for me.
I get so frustrated when I’m thwarted and it usually happens when I hit some variable – like the missing table-tent numbers – that I couldn’t have accounted for.
I don’t know how to fix that – other than to treat it like my fear of heights. I realized at one point that my fear might prevent me from being able to help someone in need and have been forcing myself to climb ladders and walk to the edge of things to get over it.
I don’t really want to go with the flow, but I’m missing out with my rigid structure.