It started with a Commodore VIC-20.
This was the first computer in our house – purchased by my parents when I was a kid. It was a computer-in-a-keyboard with a cassette-tape player for the programs and was connected to the TV by an A/V switch for the monitor.
It wasn’t very powerful by today’s standards, but it was a marvel in our home. It came with a BASIC programming guide and a couple games – one of which I managed to halt, then reprogram so that I could always beat the game. Mom was amazed.
The neighbors had an Atari and the Space Invaders didn’t stand a chance against us.
Years later was a Nintendo and hours of Metroid, the Legend of Zelda, and enough Tetris to support the entire Russian economy.
From there, a Playstation with Crash Bandicoot, Mortal Kombat (FINISH HIM!), and extreme vertigo playing Tomb Raider for the first time.
There was a brief flirtation with a Wii – until a minor injur-wii – and I wouldn’t pass up a chance to play Xbox, but I was a Playstation man through and through.
(Hundreds of hours on the PC with Minecraft, notwithstanding.)
And from the Playstation 2, 3, and 4, I explored the far reaches of space and the depths of the ocean. From unimaginable future adventures to the ancient past to modern car chases, I ran, jumped, double-jumped, and soared.
It was amazing.
Until it wasn’t.
It started with Subnautica – an underwater exploration game that I had really loved until a second playthrough revealed a bug that I couldn’t get past. The only option was to abandon my cool base and nearly completed sub and start over.
I opted instead to play the sequel and enjoyed it until I encountered an objective that I couldn’t get past until I checked a guide on the internet. The solution was not intuitive and later on the ending was…uninteresting.
I switched to No Man’s Sky and a new update where you could help save an outpost – until a glitch made the outpost unplayable. Even with a literal galaxy of worlds to explore, it stopped being fun – like a kernel of popcorn stuck in your teeth that you just can’t get loose. By the time you do, the rest of the popcorn is cold.
I bought the DLC (downloadable content) packs for Dead Cells and found them to be more of the same. Something was wrong – not with the games, really, but with me.
The final straw was Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. I had made some progress in the game and unlocked the larger map and instead of being excited about new areas to explore – it just seemed…exhausting. How many hundreds of hours lay ahead of me? One camel trip after another to find some trinket in the desert – over and over again.
I canceled out of the game and turned off the playstation for the night.
Over the next few days I tried to play other games from my library, but the spark was gone. And I realized too that over the past few years, when the stress of just…you know, existing, got to be too much, I was playing games not to pass the time, but to make the time pass. As just a way to get through the rest of the day so that I could go to sleep instead of something to be enjoyed.
And none of that is very healthy.
So, I made sure my password was stored safely, then I fired up the playstation for the last time and ran the Initialization. This resets the system to the factory defaults and takes hours to run. And while it was running, I packed up my games and carefully cleaned all the components.
When it was done, I put everything into a couple of bags and set them in the hallway.
And then I waited for two weeks, to make sure this is what I really wanted to do.
Today, I loaded everything up and took the games and the system to Gamestop to sell everything. I got some cash that will go into the bank and went home to do more yardwork.
Over the past two weeks I’ve been reading more and finding my attention span getting better again. And I’ve almost figured out how to knit – though the instructions for casting-on could be a little better. Also, a lot of yardwork. So. Much. Yardwork.
I haven’t really figured out what will replace the hole left by the bright pixels on the screen, but I know reading and learning something new are far better for me.
And maybe someday, when a playstation 7 or 8 rolls around, maybe I’ll pick up a controller again.
For now, though, I need to take better care of my head and make better use of my time – for my own sake.
I miss the rush of firing up a hyperdrive or teleporting to a rooftop. Of standing alone against an army of monsters and emerging with a blood-soaked blade and a new scar. Of just-one-more level before bed and one last mystery to solve.
But there are other adventures to be had in the real world, I suppose. And the robots, zombies, trolls, heroes, and aliens will have to get along without me.