hope, fear

“In fearful day, in raging night,
With strong hearts full, our souls ignite.
When all seems lost in the war of Light,
Look to the stars – for Hope burns bright”

-Blue Lantern Oath

Seems fitting, this week, to throw on a blue power ring and spread some Hope around. We saw:

The condemnation of the Confederate flag – a symbol of bigotry and treason. Getting rid of the flag won’t change people and magically get rid of racism, but it gives those that would treat people differently by the color of their skin one less thing to hide behind.

Affordable health care – a chance to help people and be good to each other. Until the health care system can be fixed and made inherently more reasonable and affordable, helping people pay for their insurance seems like a great idea to me. Is the system perfect? No. But it’s better than one ruled by greed and financial attacks on those that can least afford it.

Gay marriage – the pursuit of happiness. That’s right out of the declaration of independence. Along with “all men are created equal”. Seems like would be pretty easy to follow – self-evident, even. 🙂 Everyone is equal and we’re allowed to try and be happy. There are no guarantees on the happiness part, but we are allowed to at least try.

I think that’s an important part of the gay marriage argument. People are equal and we should all be able to have the same chance to be happy – and that includes making a lifetime commitment to someone that we love. Why is that so damn complicated?

It’s not over, of course. Those that will put their beliefs and ideas ahead of the well-being of other people will certainly pop back up and argue that they are right and everyone else is wrong. And I’ll roll my eyes, bite my tongue, and shake my head.  And drop them from my news feed on facebook.

But for now, there is Hope.

—————–

On a more personal note, there is still Fear. We still do not have any word yet on who will be affected by layoffs at the university. My gift of thinking in probabilities turned against me Thursday night and every scenario I came up with was dark. It was well after midnight before I could quiet my head and drag myself through a fitful night of sleep.

At work on Friday morning – one of the days we’d guessed that the layoff might commence – I was literally sick with worry. And yet, I still shouldered on and got my job done. What else is there to do? And while I organized projects, built webpages, and helped people – there was Fear.

That I wouldn’t end the day with a job.

I don’t have any reason to believe that I’m more likely to be singled out and laid off. I work hard, I care about the students, and I get along with people. But I’m still anxious.

And that’s a weird feeling for me. I don’t get anxious much – pretty much only when I’m trying to get somewhere at a certain time and I’m not sure where I’m going. That’s about it. For everything else I quickly look at all the angles and figure out courses of action. Things line up, I pick a path, and I’m done.

But this isn’t working because I don’t have enough data. And so, Fear.

———————-

The house it quiet today and the rain is coming down. I’m going to log off and head for the basement to do some cleaning and organizing. I’ll surface at lunch time to see if the weather has changed, but even if it hasn’t, I may take myself for a walk.

And maybe clear my head a bit so I can enjoy the Hope.