Yes, it’s a video game post. But read it anyway because it’s funny.
So, finally, my valiant party reaches the gates of Sanctuary’s heaven. One last battle against the Prime Evil – Diablo.
Just before we cross the entrance Tyrael, the former archangel, stops.
“Yo,” he says as I paraphrase, “Imma just gonna sit this one out and chill right here. Good luck with that final battle against my arch-enemy and all,”
Really, Tyrael? You’re gonna sit this one out? ‘Cause that flaming sword seems to work pretty well against those 10,000 demons we killed to get here.
Fine. Jerk.
I’ve got a Templar watching my back and we head on into the Silver Spire. Suddenly, a cage of bone bursts from the ground and forms around the Templar.
“Oh,” he says as I paraphrase again, “I appear to be trapped here. Go on without me. Terribly sorry. Good luck, pip pip cheerio.”
Really, Templar? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure that the big ass sword I GAVE you should be able to break that cage in about one swing. If you want to be a little bitch and just sit there, so be it. I don’t need your punk ass – though that periodic healing you’ve been doing all along would come in really handy vs. the end all be all of evil. Also? You can’t die – so why are you sitting there hiding and crying?
With a sign of disgust, my Demon Hunter approaches Diablo on her own. About midway through the fight, he pulls a cheap move and teleports her to another realm where she has to fight a clone of herself and a clone of Diablo. Or something, I wasn’t really paying attention. We killed everything there and teleported back to kick Diablo’s ass.
When the smoke finally cleared and Diablo was no more, Tyrael, the Templar, and some random angels show up. They are all like, “We defeated the Prime Evil – yea for us! We totally rock!”
Really? “WE?” Where the frak were you when he lit the Demon Hunter on fire? Huh? Could you have stopped by with a bucket of water or something? Maybe you could have tossed in some healing orbs from the sidelines. Nothing?
Fine, whatever. Jerks.
Good game, though.