I took myself for a walk this evening, been in kind of a weird mood and needed to clear my head. Walking usually does it for me, but even after an hour and a half I wasn’t any clearer. It did help me acknowledge a truth – my previous post was bitchy. I still stand by what I said, but it was bitchy.
I stopped at the bank and at Dairy Queen to have a highly disappointing ice cream cone – then walked around the park for a while. I’ve been feeling… well… a bit empty. Like my emotions are fireworks that quickly fade to leave an empty night sky – or just a vague bit of smoke. Can’t seem to hold any particular emotion for very long in any direction. Feels weird.
The only one I seem to be able to sustain for any length of time is irritated. I seem to be increasingly good at that one. Today it was my co-worker, yesterday it was the 7 swimmers that shared my lane at the pool – and the swim team that took up the rest of the pool and crowded us – and the guy at the front desk who cheerfully acknowledged that the swimsuit water extractor was broken, had been broken, and was not going to be fixed anytime soon.
Yeah, I’m all over irritated. But it doesn’t last. I had a good evening yesterday and a nice time last weekend, but when left to my own devices, I slide back to zero. I have no idea if this is normal or not or if I’m just being far too introspective – but I gotta tell you it’s pretty weird from in here.
I’ve got a full day tomorrow of work and then plans in the evening. I’m hoping I can shake this void-like funk soon.
It’s getting late for me, but I don’t really feel like sleeping yet. Maybe some games or a little more music before I call it a night.