It started with a monkey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was asked to update a profile picture for an employee and what they submitted was a horizontally aligned image (off to a bad start) of the employee…with a live monkey on their shoulder.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was no amount of cropping that could have removed the monkey and the alignment didn\u2019t give me a lot of room to work. I did my best – informing the department of the problem with the alignment making for a very small image. And suggesting that the department members could participate in a free \u201cheadshot\u201d event for professional photos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I realized that my own profile picture could stand to be updated\/more professional since I was wearing my favorite (at the time) hat. It was a nice hat and a good photo, but could be more professional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, I participated in the headshot event and got a great picture taken – and added that to my own profile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few months later, that same department had a new photo submitted for a new employee. In this black-and-white photo (again, off to a bad start) the male employee was shirtless with his arms raised. Except you couldn\u2019t see his arms as they were covered by a looped length of clothes dryer vent pipe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This one I managed to crop to something more reasonable, but it was still\u2026odd.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recently, I got asked to help with another new employee – in a different department. The first photo was square (bad starts all around) and the background had been removed – but not well. It was just this person\u2019s face and then white space to the edge. It was too small to work with and I asked that they submit a new one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next one looked like they had found the photo they liked – though a little too close up – and set that as the background for their phone. Then, they took a screenshot of that image – including the date\/time, the gallery open, the location and battery level – and sent that image over. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I responded back to the department with the issues that no amount of photoshop could fix and provided notes on how they could get a better profile photo. Those were all ignored and they simply said someone was going to take a photo of them and submit it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Version three was a .heic file (really?) and was gigantic. They were outside next to a railing and were making hand gestures that I assumed were sign language. They also weren\u2019t centered in the photo and while I was able to crop and resize this down, one of their hands was hidden. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had to ask the program director if the new \u2018one-handed\u2019 sign was still appropriate and they confirmed it was. So, that one was done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next two employee photos were one that was too small, but scaled up okay-ish. And the other was not centered and looking over their shoulder in a \u00be turn. I\u2019m not sure I could have moved like that to have my photo taken that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A third did an \u201cover-the-shoulder\u201d view – but with her shoes highlighted hanging down her back by the laces. Sigh. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today – and what prompted this post – was a colleague that I\u2019d known for years and was asking me to upload a new photo for her profile. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And she had gone overboard with the filters – to the point where she looked like she was a badly generated A.I. person. The whites of her eyes were a little too white and a little too perfectly balanced. Her hair was a little too perfect and her skin a little too smooth and a little too even. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She had \u201cuncanny valleyed\u201d herself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n(The Uncanny Valley is a term used to describe an image that is between \u201cnot at all a person\u201d (i.e. cartoon or puppet) and a photo of a real person.\u00a0 The almost-but-not-quite-a-person freaks humans out almost universally, but no one is quite sure why.)<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0I know she had gone through some medical treatments that had impacted her hair and that she\u2019s more self-conscious about her appearance as a result, but as glamor shots go, it was over the top.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I cropped and resized this anyway and she was pleased with the update.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s strange to see the variations from the standard that people are submitting. My new rule of thumb is: \u201cWould you go to an important meeting – like an interview or performance review with the president – looking like you do in your profile photo?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hence the lack of a sweet<\/em> hat for me.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lacking the authority to enforce, well\u2026anything, I can only do my best to fit these entries to a standard and encourage employees to attend a headshot event. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Especially the woman with the monkey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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