So, it was a bad day. Not terrible, but bad. Stupid people with stupid ideas demanding stupid things. A bad day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I got home, dealt with some horrible bureaucracy by phone, and decided to go get dinner.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t be ready for an hour, so there was time to stop at the drugstore on the way.\u00a0 Jim needed some aspirin, I wanted to get some tweezers – nothing major or complicated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stopped at the drugstore with plenty of time to get these small items and still be at the restaurant to pick up food on time.\u00a0 This is very important to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I found the aspirin and the tweezers and also decided on a bottle of soda and a candy bar. I had a bad day, as I may have mentioned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I get in line and there\u2019s a guy ahead of me and a woman at the cash register about to pay. Her cart is full of bagged items and the cashier announces the total – $114.27<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The woman then opens her purse and pulls out a card to use.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Up to this point, everything is fine.\u00a0 We all know our place in the universe and what is expected of us.\u00a0 My job is to wait a few moments, hers is to pay for her purchases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m not sure this card will work,\u201d she says, \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s activated,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then she tries the card anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, it\u2019s 2022 in Akron, Ohio. \u00a0 There is no earthly way someone can know how to use a credit card, know that they have to be activated, know that it’s not activated, and STILL think trying the card will work. \u00a0 It is simply and utterly impossible.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The card, unsurprisingly, fails. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now it\u2019s back to the purse to look for another form of payment.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if she\u2019s trying to run some \u201cconfused little old lady\u201d scam thinking they\u2019ll just let roll out with a free cart of items if she\u2019s just a silly-billy<\/em> long enough – or if she\u2019s bored and is \u201cplaying\u201d at not knowing how things work, but no one was going along with it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n No one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n While she digs through her purse and I stand there feeling myself age, the cashier shows us mercy and calls for backup.\u00a0 She also tells us that we can use the self-checkout if we want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The guy in front of me hesitates .000437 nano-seconds and I assume that he\u2019s going to wait for back up.\u00a0 I make a beeline for the self-checkout and scan my first item – the bottle of aspirin – and toss it in the waiting bag.\u00a0\u00a0 25% done already.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Except, the bag is hung-up and not fully deployed.\u00a0 The bottle isn\u2019t heavy enough to pull down far enough to trip the \u201cthing is in the bag\u201d sensor and I get an error:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPlease place the item in the bagging area,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I remove the bottle, adjust the bag, and hurl the bottle in again. This time, the bottle hits the bottom sensor and registers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The bottle of soda follows easily as does the candy bar.\u00a0 Heavy enough to not require hurling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I scan the tweezers and toss them in the bag. Not heavy enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPlease place the item in the bagging area, dumbass,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I try again, with more force. Nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a button on the screen that suggests I can skip bagging. Perfect! I mean, why does it care where I put the item once I\u2019ve scanned it? Bagging area, up my sleeve, up my nose, whatever, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I hit that button with triumph – which turns to ashes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHelp is on the way!\u201d the screen tells me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I make the following sound, recreated and saved here for posterity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n