Friday evening, I found myself in the parking lot of an Arby\u2019s.\u00a0 \u00a0 That makes it sound like I had been kidnapped and dumped out of a van – or stumbled through an arcanic portal from the nether-realms. \u00a0 As interesting as either of those might be, I drove there with the prosaic intent to pick up dinner.\u00a0 But before I went in, I sat for a moment in my car – ostensibly waiting for Jim to text me his order, but also to just take a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And breathe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just before my stop at Arby\u2019s I\u2019d been at the tax prep office – waiting for an hour past my appointment time and fretting about my paperwork.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had a problem, but I always think I\u2019ll have a problem. The kind that leads to an audit and federal prison for certainty. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And before that was a rush to leave the office on time while trying to help get an important message out. It was “zero hour” for me to leave and for the message to go – and I was in between the people with the message and the people fixing the problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And before that had been an incredibly stressful week of endless demands on my time and unrestful evenings. With a lurking sorrow of loss clouding over me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So sitting there in the Arby\u2019s parking lot, I took a deep breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Taxes are inevitable – as the saying goes – and I was as prepared as I could be.\u00a0 The long wait meant they gave me a discount and though I was missing one form, it won\u2019t be impactful when I file an amended return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did everything right to work the email problem and I juggled multiple conversations and projects better than anyone else I know could have done. Everything did work out later on when I checked in and my boss was pleased with my efforts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the week? Well, I did my best and put in all the hours required of me – even the ones that drifted past quitting time. I was busy and productive and helpful. And managed to find a little comfort in the peculiar shadows in corners that reminded me of my dark gray cat before they resolved to \u201cjust shadows\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jim texted me his order and I went in to get some food for us. This past weekend has been mostly relaxing and I\u2019ve tried to keep my thoughts on the Now – rather than the future that Monday will bring or the past that can neither be fixed nor changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m trying to be mindful of my breath. The passage of time from an inhale to an exhale – and the timeless moment between. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are still gasps and dramatic sighs. Still snorts of derision and sharp intakes of air. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But mostly there are the breaths that simply happen – uncounted and unnoticed, but still necessary and inevitable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am not yet okay. Maybe none of us really are anymore. But I\u2019m doing my best and I\u2019m still breathing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Friday evening, I found myself in the parking lot of an Arby\u2019s.\u00a0 \u00a0 That makes it sound like I had been kidnapped and dumped out of a van – or stumbled through an arcanic portal from the nether-realms. \u00a0 As interesting as either of those might be, I drove there with the prosaic intent to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_bluesky_dont_syndicate":"","_bluesky_syndication_accounts":"","_bluesky_syndication_text":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2589"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2590,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2589\/revisions\/2590"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}