It started for me the night of a tornado. When I was in high school, I was a “tornado watcher” and stood outside in threatening weather to help alert the school. Never did figure out why my parents signed that permission slip – but while I had a healthy respect for them, I wasn’t really afraid of tornados. I knew that with a little awareness and a plan, a person could get to shelter and survive – and that rescue would be on the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the pandemic of 2020 turned into a real thing, I started working from home. I didn’t go out except to get groceries and even in my lonely home I was prepared to shelter in place as long as it took – even if the illness seemed like a distant threat. And then one night, there was a tornado.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I was scared. Really scared. It wasn’t the tornado itself – it was the fear that if the worst happened help might not come right away and that a hospital wouldn’t be a safe place to recover. The framework of civilization was in question and I felt very much on my own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I got through the tornado unscathed and tried to find a new version of normal – like so many people did. And then Jim got COVID-19 and my fear for him and fear for myself went through the roof. Nothing I could do to help him – except to promise to look after his pets if he went into the hospital.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I dropped off gatorade on his porch and went back home to worry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He recovered, thankfully. Again, I searched for normal and thought I had it – and then my job was in jeopardy. I survived with a pay cut and a benefits cost increase, but many of my colleagues were not so lucky. I feared for myself and for them – it remains the worst time to lose a job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I feared for my rights as a new supreme court emerged. I feared for my county as a hateful retoric found new and louder voices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I became exausted of simply being afraid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, somewhere in all, I found a way to deal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My grocery shopping trips became carefully planned surgical strikes. My work from home made me appreciate my connections with my colleagues even more and made me grateful for the job I had. My facemask became my secret identify and my pandemic beard was epic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the fear of losing Jim to an illness, the worry that we couldn’t be there for each other, prompted us to start looking for a house together. And with work and stuggle, we found a damn castle for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The supreme court? Well, it’s a lot harder to take something away from someone than it is to prevent them from having it in the first place. So, in our delightfully practical way, Jim and I sort of proposed to each other and in a few days, with a simple ceremory, we’ll be married. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m not 100% and I haven’t found that “new normal”. And I get overwhelmed all the time and sometimes I just lose it. And that okay – it’s normal to lose it and be overwhelmed sometimes. And it’s okay to be afraid – it’s a scary time right now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The key, I think, is to try and make thing better. Write poems, check in on people you care about, and keep hoping. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m still heading to the basement if a tornado warning goes off – I’m not stupid – but while I’m down there waiting for the storm to pass, I’m taking heart in the good things in my life and the fortune that favors me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We’ll get through this. And the fear won’t be the end of us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It started for me the night of a tornado. When I was in high school, I was a “tornado watcher” and stood outside in threatening weather to help alert the school. Never did figure out why my parents signed that permission slip – but while I had a healthy respect for them, I wasn’t really […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_bluesky_dont_syndicate":"","_bluesky_syndication_accounts":"","_bluesky_syndication_text":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2553","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2553"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2553\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2554,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2553\/revisions\/2554"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}