{"id":2429,"date":"2018-10-02T00:54:26","date_gmt":"2018-10-02T00:54:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/?p=2429"},"modified":"2018-10-02T00:54:26","modified_gmt":"2018-10-02T00:54:26","slug":"deeply-random-short-stories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/2018\/10\/02\/deeply-random-short-stories\/","title":{"rendered":"deeply random short stories"},"content":{"rendered":"

The first call into the campus switchboard this past Friday morning started out with:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour whipped cream is TERRIBLE!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The operator tried to get some clarification, but instead got:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou must have left it out all night!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It was eventually determined that the caller was attempting to reach the coffee shop in the campus library and were then transferred. <\/span><\/p>\n

Seriously, who starts off a phone call that way?<\/span><\/p>\n

—————–<\/span><\/p>\n

Jim and I were recently in a noisy restaurant and got to talking about old game shows like $20,000 Pyramid and Password. \u00a0\u00a0He leaned in to stage-whisper a clue to me:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMoist,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I leaned in and replied, but he clearly didn\u2019t hear me. \u00a0Instead, he reared back and asked with shock, confusion, and perhaps a little horror.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDid you say Rabbits?\u201d \u00a0he asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Really confused as well, I responded.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I said Brownies,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

We both nearly snorted with laughter trying to contain ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

——————————–<\/span><\/p>\n

On the way home from work, after a difficult day, I got stuck behind someone at a stop sign. \u00a0Their only option was a very safe right turn, but they lingered.<\/span><\/p>\n

More than a little impatient, I mumbled some instructions to them that they couldn\u2019t possibly hear. Normally, this would involve some obscure Ghostbusters reference like \u201cThe light is green, the trap is clean,\u201d but that really only works at stoplights.<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead, the clever bon mot I summoned was:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt is red in colour, but not in intent,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

(Apparently, my subconscious is slightly British.)\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Roughly translated, I think I meant something about the stop sign\u2019s color (or colour) is permanent, but shouldn\u2019t be confused with a stoplight that will change and provide different information and instructions. <\/span><\/p>\n

Or something. \u00a0It seemed really profound and clever to me at the time – so much that I wrote it down when I got home. \u00a0But I think I was really just tired and my brain wasn\u2019t running at full power. <\/span><\/p>\n

————————<\/span><\/p>\n

I was talking to one of my female friends today and she said she had to check something on her phone. \u00a0She reached down the front of her top and pulled out her cell phone, glanced at it, then tucked it away again.<\/span><\/p>\n

While I\u2019m aware that women will occasionally carry items in their cleavage – especially if they don\u2019t have a purse or clothing with pockets – the maneuver was so smooth and practiced it appeared like a magic trick. <\/span><\/p>\n

I was a little agape, and half-way expected her to extract a rabbit next. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sadly, I lack the cleavage to perform a similar trick on my own. And it would not be appropriate to perform that trick on someone else, I\u2019m certain. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The first call into the campus switchboard this past Friday morning started out with: \u201cYour whipped cream is TERRIBLE!\u201d The operator tried to get some clarification, but instead got: \u201cYou must have left it out all night!\u201d It was eventually determined that the caller was attempting to reach the coffee shop in the campus library […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_bluesky_dont_syndicate":"","_bluesky_syndication_accounts":"","_bluesky_syndication_text":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2429","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2429","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2429"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2429\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2430,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2429\/revisions\/2430"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2429"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2429"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2429"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}