{"id":2312,"date":"2017-12-02T18:46:50","date_gmt":"2017-12-02T18:46:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/?p=2312"},"modified":"2017-12-02T18:46:50","modified_gmt":"2017-12-02T18:46:50","slug":"printer-wars-episode-3-attack-of-the-firmware","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/2017\/12\/02\/printer-wars-episode-3-attack-of-the-firmware\/","title":{"rendered":"Printer Wars: Episode 3, Attack of the Firmware"},"content":{"rendered":"

Powering up the printer\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOh, hey buddy. \u00a0What are we doing today?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cI need to print out this Christmas list,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOh, you\u2019re going Christmas shopping? \u00a0How fun! \u00a0Do you want this in color?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cNo, black and white is fine,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cAre you sure? \u00a0Cause it looks like the headings are in color and that would be so festive,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cJust print it in black and white, please. \u00a0And don\u2019t tell me you\u2019re out of ink again,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cHmmm\u2026 sounds like someone is a liiiiitle cranky this morning. \u00a0Let me go ahead and print this so you\u2019ll feel better,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Loud noises, time passes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOkay, here you go! \u00a0Have fun shopping and try to work on that attitude,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cThis is terrible. \u00a0I can\u2019t read any of this,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cGosh, I don\u2019t know what that could be. \u00a0You must be doing something wrong,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cLet\u2019s run some diagnostics,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOkay, but I\u2019m pretty sure this is your fault,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cJust do a nozzle check,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cAlright. \u00a0I\u2019m going to need a sheet of paper, though,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cYou have plenty of paper,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cYes, I can see it,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cRight, right. \u00a0Okay, here you go,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cThis is also terrible,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cI don\u2019t know what you want from me. \u00a0I\u2019m just doing my job,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cSigh. \u00a0Okay, try a head cleaning,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cI don\u2019t see how that will help, but it\u2019s up to you. \u00a0Give me a few minutes,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Time passes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m done. \u00a0You want another nozzle check?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cYes, and before you ask, you still have plenty of paper,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cFine. \u00a0Okay, here you go.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cHey, this looks really good. \u00a0Let\u2019s go ahead and get that list printed out,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cAre you INSANE? I have an update to do!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cCould we do that after we print?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cNo! \u00a0It\u2019s firmware! \u00a0I need it to LIVE!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cFine, fine. \u00a0Jeez. \u00a0Go ahead,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOh, and I\u2019ve got a couple teeny tiny software updates to do too,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cWhatever,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Update starts.<\/span><\/p>\n

Setup Wizard: \u201cVerily, I shall be thy guide throughout your update adventure. \u00a0If it pleases thee, now is when yon printer should be turned off and the queue of printing should be barren,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cTurn off? \u00a0Okay,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Powering done the printer.<\/span><\/p>\n

Setup Wizard: \u201cTHOU HAST FAILED! \u00a0Yon printer must be turned On to update the firmware, feckless knave,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Powering back on.<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cWhat the hell was that? \u00a0Why did you turn me off?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cThe wizard told me to turn the printer off,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOh. Oh. \u00a0The Wizard told you. \u00a0Nice job, Harry Potter. \u00a0You thought you could update a device – with the device turned off? \u00a0Nice. \u201c<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cI was just doing what\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cYou know what? \u00a0I got this. \u00a0And I can turn myself off and back on just fine. \u00a0When I\u2019m ready,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cFine,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go read a book or something? \u00a0Noob,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Time passes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cI saw you power cycle. \u00a0You ready to go?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cDoes it look like I\u2019m ready to go? \u00a0I\u2019ve still got 2 software updates to do. \u00a0Oh, and thanks for asking how my firmware update went. I mean, I could have bricked myself, but I know you don\u2019t really care,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cCould we skip the software updates? \u00a0I really want to get going,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cYou really want to do this now? After all we\u2019ve been through today?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cNo, I guess not. I’m sorry,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cI didn\u2019t think so,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Still more time passes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cOh, man, that felt great. \u00a0I feel like a million bucks! \u00a0Hey, I could print you a million bucks, if you want. \u00a0I\u2019ve got plenty of ink I could mix to make green,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cNo, just print the list please,\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: “Color?”<\/p>\n

Me: “No, just… can you just please print it?”<\/p>\n

Printer: \u201cSure thing, sure thing. \u00a0Okay, ummmmmmmmmm\u2026 here you go!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Me: \u201cHey, this looks really good. \u00a0Might be your best work yet. \u00a0Thanks. \u00a0Think you\u2019ll do this well next time I need something printed?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Printer: (low, sinister chuckle) \u00a0We\u2019ll see.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Powering up the printer\u2026 Printer: \u201cOh, hey buddy. \u00a0What are we doing today?\u201d Me: \u201cI need to print out this Christmas list,\u201d Printer: \u201cOh, you\u2019re going Christmas shopping? \u00a0How fun! \u00a0Do you want this in color?\u201d Me: \u201cNo, black and white is fine,\u201d Printer: \u201cAre you sure? \u00a0Cause it looks like the headings are in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_bluesky_dont_syndicate":"","_bluesky_syndication_accounts":"","_bluesky_syndication_text":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2312"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2313,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312\/revisions\/2313"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}