{"id":1783,"date":"2015-05-22T00:22:50","date_gmt":"2015-05-22T00:22:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/?p=1783"},"modified":"2015-05-22T00:22:50","modified_gmt":"2015-05-22T00:22:50","slug":"pang-anchored","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/2015\/05\/22\/pang-anchored\/","title":{"rendered":"pang, anchored"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few days ago, I decided to dismantle an old and broken DVD\/VHS player. \u00a0I thought I might be able to salvage the circuit board in there for another project and set to work with a screwdriver.<\/p>\n

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After a little work, I managed to get the cover off and was working my way down to the board when I realized that there was still a DVD in the drive. \u00a0Curiosity redoubled my efforts and I managed to free the disk.<\/div>\n
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It was the movie 9 to 5.<\/div>\n
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Jeff’s movie.<\/div>\n
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I felt a pang of misery, sharp and so intense. \u00a0It passed in a moment and I was able to be sad, but objective, about my find.<\/div>\n
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In an old and broken DVD player I’d had a while, it would have been odder to not have found that movie – it was one of his favorites. \u00a0 The disk is badly scratched and I don’t know it if will even play. \u00a0I liked the movie too, but not as much as Jeff did. \u00a0It was right up there with Mrs. Doubtfire for him. \u00a0 I might watch it, I might not – haven’t decided if it would be honoring or just… sad.<\/div>\n
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I still think about him – when I see a classic car or a freshly planted flower – but it usually doesn’t hurt like finding that DVD did. \u00a0Even if only for a moment.<\/div>\n
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I got down to the circuit board and – if I can find a cutter – it will do nicely for the project I have in mind.<\/div>\n
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The DVD… will sit quietly on my counter while I figure out what to do with it.<\/div>\n
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——————<\/div>\n
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I have a running joke about being the Master of Space and Time, but one part of that gag is not a joke. \u00a0Over the years, I’ve had a few moments of being at exactly at a specific moment in time and at a specific space. It’s not so much the right or wrong moment or location – but about specificity. Of being so very much in the present and the moment.<\/div>\n
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The first time I noticed this was on my back step at an apartment I lived at years ago. \u00a0I was reading a book on a sunny Saturday afternoon with a cool breeze in the air and a can of soda at my feet. \u00a0 For just a clarifying moment, everything lined right up. \u00a0I was exactly where I was intended to be.<\/div>\n
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Not destined – I don’t really go for that – but that things had happened to get me to this moment and more things would follow from that moment.<\/div>\n
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I guess I’m not describing it well, but it’s a feeling of connection. \u00a0Of being anchored in a moment in space and time. \u00a0Strangely reassuring.<\/div>\n
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I forced this once while waiting for friends by standing in a particular and ideal spot and bracing my feet against the turning of the world. \u00a0At that moment, that was the place I was – on some seriously cosmic levels.<\/div>\n
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This leads up to today when things did not go quite so well. \u00a0I was in a fast food restaurant, waiting for my late scheduled physical therapy appointment this morning. \u00a0I had eaten and was sitting there with my phone and an open book. \u00a0I was struck by how everything – a billion years of history and planetary movements on a galactic scale – had lead me to that moment.<\/div>\n
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In a Burger King.<\/div>\n
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It was not enlightening.<\/div>\n
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Or profound.<\/div>\n
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Instead of safely anchored against infinity – I was weighed down by the moment. \u00a0And everything that would follow.<\/div>\n
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The moment passed and I finished my drink and went to physical therapy early. \u00a0 It put a damper on the day, to say the least.<\/div>\n
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What does this all mean? \u00a0Is there depth here? \u00a0Or do I need to get out of my head more?<\/div>\n
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I don’t know. \u00a0But even with the risk of being weighed down, I’ll still going to look for those moments. \u00a0 It’s a zen thing, I think. \u00a0To be in the present – and to be present there.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A few days ago, I decided to dismantle an old and broken DVD\/VHS player. \u00a0I thought I might be able to salvage the circuit board in there for another project and set to work with a screwdriver. After a little work, I managed to get the cover off and was working my way down to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_bluesky_dont_syndicate":"","_bluesky_syndication_accounts":"","_bluesky_syndication_text":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1783","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1783"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1783\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1784,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1783\/revisions\/1784"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1783"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1783"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thunderofwade.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1783"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}