(If there was ever a post to be labeled “too much information”, it would be this one.)
We have a Menards (“Save Big Money at Menards!”) a few miles away, but there’s no quick route there and we usually go to Lowe’s if we need some home improvement supplies. When we do go to Menards, I try to get the most random collection of purchases as possible – while still only buying things that I need. That condition adds to the challenge – otherwise, it would be just a waste of money for a lark.
On a recent trip, my list included carpet rectangles for the stairs (to help the dogs have better traction), a couple of bundles of firewood, chicken noodle soup, pop tarts, dry erase markers, sidewalk salt, and dog treats.
It didn’t feel quite random enough and I stopped by the clothing section to see if they had any neat hats.
I can always use a new hat.
Instead of a hat, I found that they had men’s underwear for sale – and at a pretty good price too.
I had a couple of pairs at home that had worn out and thought this would be a good – and novel – replacement. Sidewalk salt, pop tarts, and underwear? Delightfully random.
I picked up a package of briefs, black and navy, size large (36-38). I’m at the lower end of that range, as will become clear in a bit, but didn’t want them too tight.
I headed to the checkout, got no reaction from the clerk who’s likely seen every combination of goods known to man, and I was on my way.
When I got home and unpacked my car, I tossed the new underwear in the wash. The worn out underwear got tossed in the trash. (I suppose I could have used those for rags, but they were really worn though.)
And when the new briefs came up in rotation I noticed the fit was a little odd. They seemed very tall for briefs and though they fit my waist pretty well, the leg holes seemed a bit…loose.
I wore them for a bit and then moved in apparently the wrong direction and I…well… fell out.
Or at least part of me did, through the leg holes. The parts that the underwear is specifically intended to keep contained.
I was by myself and quickly put things back where they belonged. I thought it was an anomaly, but it kept happening. And it got worse as the fabric of the leg holes relaxed.
Pretty soon, it was if I wasn’t wearing any underwear for all the good they did me. And it wasn’t just that one defective pair – it was all three.
I suppose they could still work to sleep in or for deeply lazy days when it’s okay to “let it all hang out”, but as day-to-day underwear they were a failure. I should have gotten a smaller size or – to follow through on a really crazy idea – don’t buy underwear at the same place you can buy fireplace tools, floor tile, or fluorescent tube lights.
Lesson learned, I guess.
Excuse me while I…adjust.