Friday before last, our “house-call” lawyer came back to finish up the paperwork for our wills and powers of attorneys. Our retired neighbor was happy to be on call as a witness and his part only took a few minutes. The rest of the time was in re-reading all the documents – looking for key phrases like “immortal soul” or “all your base are belong to us” – and then signing. Felt like all the paperwork when we closed on our house, but uncomfortable. I’m generally not too bogged down by mortality – figuring that when I’m gone, my worries are over – but it was a little different to see it spelled out. I was particularly hung up on the “vegitative state – sounded pretty terrible.
But, it was the right thing to do and I’m glad we did it.
The lawyer left the signed copies with us and I got them scanned and sent back digital copies to him to file. Our copies go in the safe and we’re a bit more “politically secure” than we were before.
Our city, though, is less so. A young black man was killed by police recently and Akron has seen protests over the killing, vandalism in the downtown area, and a curfew. The University of Akron is right in the middle of this area and we’ve been instructed to work remotely on key days when it might not be safe to go onto campus. I support the protesters and the right to protest – though I’ve never understood the vandalism that some folks choose to do. It’s added another layer of tension to an already terrible situation and it may be a while – if ever – before we find out the truth of what happened.
That, along with the continuing mass shooting around the country, has me a little more wary that I normally would be.
Jim and I had decided to go to an Arts and Crafts festival today at a nearby park and while we were looking forward to going, there was an undercurrent for me that I didn’t mention.
Was this where the next shooting would be? As we browsed through the pottery and stained glass, were we going to be targets?
These were just idle thoughts. Not enough to prevent us from going and enjoying the day. It’s just felt like for all the faults of Akron, I never expected anything really bad would happen here. I mean, we’re basically a pop-culture trivia question. Once Buffy closed the Hellmouth in Sunnydale, her friends remind her there’s another one in Akron. The Deep from the TV show “the Boys” gets sent to beautiful Sandusky – “not like that shithole Akron”. And the folks in South Park get Qannon messages from Dave Harris in Akron.
We should be too ridiculous to have anything bad and real happen here – but in that park today, I kept my eyes open.
And yet…
There were deer in our yard yesterday evening. And I bought some really great handmade soap today. Our retired neighbor – our witness – played the cello with open windows while Jim and I worked in the yard. And our friend Jenny came over to watch Stranger Things with us.
And those things are normal and okay and just…reasonable.
My heart weeps for the family of the young man that was killed. And I worry about how kids all over the country get through their days when a gunman might target their school. Our rights are in danger to create political turmoil and there are wars being waged on distant shores tonight.
We cling to the normal like a life raft in a sea of uncertainty. Worried that the terrible problems in the world might end up at our doorstep.
It seems selfish to be happy. To sleep safe and secure each night. When the problems of the day are late emails and a shortage of pop tarts.
We keep those we care about close. And we wave to anyone that drives down the street to remind them that things are okay here.
And we hope.
Even when hope feels like defiance.