Me: “Hey, printer. I’ve got a 2 page text document – can you give me a black and white hard copy?
XP 430: “Sure thing, boss! I’ll get right on it!”
Minutes pass.
XP 430: “Wait, what was I doing? LOL! Right, you wanted a hard copy.”
More time passes.
XP 430: “Errrrmmmmm… errr… okay, here you go! Yea, I’m done!”
Me: “These pages are completely blank. Please try again.”
XP 430: “You got it! Here you go – here’s your printout, hot off the presses! LOL!”
Me: “These pages are also blank. Can you print a test page, please?”
XP 430: “Totally! I love printing test pages. Just give me a minute…”
Time passes.
XP 430: “Here you go! Here’s that test page you wanted. Hope you like it! I did it in color so you can see how awesome it is in color!”
Me: “Well, looks like you understand how to print a blue logo, but the rest of the page is still blank. Can I see your ink status?”
XP 430: “Absolutely! I’d love to show you that… ummm… do you know where that button is? I just had it here… LOL”
Me: “Sigh”, then several minutes of looking through menus. “Hmmm… it says you have plenty of black ink and the colors are almost full. So, why won’t you print in black?”
XP 430: “Gosh, I don’t know.”
Me: “Okay, we’re going to pull the cartridge and give it a shake.”
XP 430: “You mean… you’re going to open me up and put your fingers inside me?”
Me: “Don’t make this weird. Just move the cartridges over so I can reach them,”
XP 430: “Okay, okay. Geez. Can you reach them now?”
Me: “No.”
XP 430: “Okay… ummm… how about now?”
Me: “Still no. Just open the damn pod bay doors, HAL”
XP 430: “Okay, here you go. HA! Gotta be quicker than that!”
Me: “Sigh.”
XP 430: “I’m just messing with you – you know I love you. Here’s the cartridges – you give that one a good shake for me,”
I extract the black ink cartridge and shake it, then reinsert.
XP 430: “Thanks, bro! I’m going to need 20-30 minutes to make sure you didn’t screw that up. You know how you are. 🙂 ”
Time passes.
XP 430: “Okay, you didn’t screw that up. Good job! Try printing now – I’m sure we’ll be fine,”
XP 430: “WHOA! Hold on there, partner. You don’t have nearly enough ink to print that. Are you high?”
Me: “What are you talking about? Your status showed we had plenty before. Show me the ink status again,”
XP 430: “Fine. Look, you have almost no black ink.”
Me: “What happened to all the ink that was there before? I didn’t shake it out.”
XP 430: “Look nobody’s blaming you. You don’t need to be so defensive.”
Me: “I’m NOT being defensive. Just print the damn document!”
XP 430: “Take it easy, buddy. We’re all on the same side here. I want to print this as much as you do. Listen, why don’t I use the colored inks and mix them together to make a composite black?”
Me: “Won’t that just use up the colored inks faster? And isn’t it more expensive to replace all three of those than just one black ink cartridge?”
XP 430: “Yeah, I guess. But, it depends on how bad do you want this printed right now. I mean, I can give you two more blank pages, if you want. Or I can do the composite. It’s all in your hands, buddy. You have all the power.”
Me: “Fine. Just…whatever. Fine. Print using the composite black.”
XP 430: “You made the right decision. I’m so proud of you. Here’s your document.”
Me: “Thanks.”
XP 430: “No problem. Glad to help. Hey, while we’re here – do you want to order more ink online right from the printer company? I can get you a great deal and those colored inks aren’t going to last forever… hey, what you are doing? Don’t turn me off yet, I’ve got more to tell you! Hey, WAAAAAAAAIT!”
Power button for 3 seconds. I got my document, but it still feels like I lost.