Until just yesterday, I hadn’t seen the movie Titanic. I had seen bits and pieces occasionally, but resisted because it was so hyped when it first came out.
(1) The more something is hyped, the less likely I am to go along with it.
By contrast, (2) the more someone tells me that I can’t or shouldn’t do something, the more likely I am to try it. Not the really dangerous stuff, but the challenges that should be beyond me.
Actually watching the Titanic – and it was an okay movie, incidentally – prompted some self exploration. And the results were distributing.
A staggering chunks of the decisions of my life have been ruled by those two impulses.
I’m contrary. Aggressively so.
Politics, religion, sports, marketing. The polar bear jump. Foods – cheese and onions in particular. I’ve pursued friendships where it’s clear the other person is fine in letting things go. And I’ve distanced myself from people who try too hard.
The clothes I wear. The movies I watch. The computer I use. The things I believe. All ruled by being deliberately contrary.
And where nobody is trying to push me or dissuade me, I’m generally somewhere in the middle and just go with the flow. If I’m pressured one way or the other, I launch myself in the opposite direction.
I guess now that I recognize it, I can get a better handle on it.
Not sure why I got this way. And I’ve been racking my brain to try and recall if anyone has figured this out and used it against me.
It’s damn odd. Interesting, I guess, but mostly odd.
And I guess this explains why I’m almost meditation-level relaxed around like minded people – no one is likely to really challenge me and send me careening to one extreme or the other.
I don’t feel a sudden need to try onions again. And I’m still going to sign up for the Polar Bear Jump. But I’m going to try and give a little more thought about things when someone really pushes me.